His Shining Visage

Warmth courses through
my hollowed veins.
My breath catches with
each rattled breath.
Slowly closing my eyes
I feel alive.
Upon my porcelain face
rests a tender glow.
Within my crushed heart
hope threatens to explode.
My delicate skin pricks with
fierce anticipation.
I open my eyes to
intense beauty,
a world of vivid and
brilliant colors.
Of smells that dizzy
my faint heart.
Something swells within
my breast
a sob of pure elation
escapes my lips.

Reviews

[Gionelly Kiss]

Wonderful poem!!! Yes, great, work with it...make others like it! Give it a beautiful title related to the experience that made you write this. Avoid repetition like in the third and fourth lines, "My breath catches with each rattled breath." Work on your punctuation particularly in the ending lines wherer you wrote, "I open my eyes to intense beauty, a world of vivid and brilliant colors. Of smells that dizzy my faint heart." I just have one final suggestion. Where you wrote "within my crushed heart hope threatens to explode," if you are rejoicing and enjoying the experience why is your heart "crushed?"
Work on that and it will be perfect. Great job. Keep it up!

[ashley]

This is beautiful. Very well written, I love this.