Eluding Sleep

One sleepless night of course.

Sleep overtake me and envelope me

in your arms of absolute comfort.

Wipe away these tears and fears

of mine and kiss my eyes shut.

Keep me safe from dreams of bad

days and nights; hold me close.

Woo me with pleasures, and temptations

of distant lands and foreign seas.

Show me futures I can only dream

and show me painful memories I forget.

Reviews

[Katie]

Interesting premise! Your imagery is lovely, if a bit generic. I love the personification of sleep as a teasing lover. However, some of the line breaks feel a little bit unnatural? Also, because the English language sucks, "envelop" and "envelope" are two different words.

I don't know if this was intentional, but the fact that the person you're talking about is, in fact, Sleep is a little bit unclear. Maybe if you played with pronouns it would be a little clearer? Or perhaps points of view? I don't know.

Great start!

[Chantel]

Oh my goodness....I love this so much....the words, the imagery, and especially the core of what you were saying, I love it...going in my library. :)

[Justin Tobey]

I decided that I had enough time to read at least one of your pieces, and I'm glad I did! This is wonderful! And I can totally relate. I actually just wrote a piece called Insomnia, so this one popped out at me right away. Sleeplessness is unbelievably tiring (no pun intended), but it affects me all the time. You did an excellent job at relating those feelings of desperation and frustration. Well done! :D

[Paza]

I like your image of sleep as a lover. That's really beautiful. Just a minor thing, but in the 7th line, would that be 'woo' me? Very nice work.

[Mysty Rayn]

I enjoy the words "kiss my eyes shut". Great line. I have lots of nights like these.