Eluding Sleep

Eluding Sleep

A Poem by Ebb and Flow
"

One sleepless night of course.

"

Sleep overtake me and envelope me

in your arms of absolute comfort.

Wipe away these tears and fears

of mine and kiss my eyes shut.

Keep me safe from dreams of bad

days and nights; hold me close.

Woo me with pleasures, and temptations

of distant lands and foreign seas.

Show me futures I can only dream

and show me painful memories I forget.

© 2008 Ebb and Flow


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Reviews

Interesting premise! Your imagery is lovely, if a bit generic. I love the personification of sleep as a teasing lover. However, some of the line breaks feel a little bit unnatural? Also, because the English language sucks, "envelop" and "envelope" are two different words.

I don't know if this was intentional, but the fact that the person you're talking about is, in fact, Sleep is a little bit unclear. Maybe if you played with pronouns it would be a little clearer? Or perhaps points of view? I don't know.

Great start!

Posted 12 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Oh my goodness....I love this so much....the words, the imagery, and especially the core of what you were saying, I love it...going in my library. :)

Posted 14 Years Ago


I decided that I had enough time to read at least one of your pieces, and I'm glad I did! This is wonderful! And I can totally relate. I actually just wrote a piece called Insomnia, so this one popped out at me right away. Sleeplessness is unbelievably tiring (no pun intended), but it affects me all the time. You did an excellent job at relating those feelings of desperation and frustration. Well done! :D

Posted 16 Years Ago


I like your image of sleep as a lover. That's really beautiful. Just a minor thing, but in the 7th line, would that be 'woo' me? Very nice work.

Posted 16 Years Ago


I enjoy the words "kiss my eyes shut". Great line. I have lots of nights like these.

Posted 16 Years Ago



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217 Views
5 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on July 28, 2008
Last Updated on August 9, 2008

Author

Ebb and Flow
Ebb and Flow

Milton Mills, NH



About
The names Krystina Michelle Walters Poetry is one of my soul passions in life. Without its passion I wouldn't understand the beauty of the written word or that beauty of this world. "Words have.. more..

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