A Visit To The Cemetery

This here is my seventh story. Enjoy.

It was a couple of years ago when it happened. We had actually planned to visit the cemetery to see our mother's grave as it was her birthday. My brother Charlie and I decided to leave a little early so we decided to leave at 5:40 pm as we were always stuck at work till 6pm.

We knew that the distance from the office to the cemetery was almost a one hour journey. A few minutes before our shift ended we left the office and made way to the cemetery which went according to what we planned.

At around 6:50pm, we reached our destination. As we entered, I started feeling cold, it almost felt like I was in a meat freezer and I was feeling colder every minute. Slowly Charlie began to get the same feeling. We also noticed that there was no one around at all. There was no sign of the caretaker as well. Then the story of an haunted cemetery which was narrated to me by my grandfather came into my mind and the story started in the same way. Fear started to grow in our hearts. Still I gathered my wit's and I began to dismiss my thoughts of anything paranormal.

Slowly I calmed my brother down as well. This time we decided to take to heed to any unwelcome thoughts about cemeteries or anything spooky. We then started to walk along the path to which on the right was the grave of our mother's and next to the grave was a really spooky tree as it's trunk looked like it was just drained with no life in it and the branches never bore any leaves as it just the grew like claws streching out to the world from all sides of the tree. It started to instill fear in us.

We began to ignore our thoughts once again, and walked towards the grave. We put some flowers with colours and kind that our mom loved. We spent some time saying a couple of prayers and began rekindling our memories, shedding a few tears as honestly it's only been a few weeks when she closed her eyes.

After a few minutes, we wished our mother for her birthday and said our goodbyes until our next meet. While we turned and began walking towards the exit. We began thinking about her when suddenly, a woman wearing a black dress just appeared out of nowhere from the left side of the path and just skimmed across and disappeared. We just stood there shocked. I believe we were standing for a few minutes trying to recover from it when slowly we began to hear a voice which sounded like a man whispering in the wind calling out to us from behind.

As we turned, we were scared to death as what we could see can only be defined as man wearing a white shirt with blood splattered over it and a beige pant and he was carrying an axe. He began to run towards us and without thinking for another second, we took off like a bullet in the wind. As we reached the exit, the gates closed with force and as we turned we noticed that the guy had disappeared. We took a moment of relief. With fear still in our hearts and we quickly tried to open the gates.

Still no matter how hard we tried it wasn't opening at all. Charlie started praying for our safety. I was terrified and was still trying to open the gates. When suddenly, a woman's voice called out to us from behind and we did not want to turn and see. Still we thought of the possibility that the voice could be our mother's. So we turned, and we saw a shadow of a woman just standing and staring at us with her red eyes.

We just stood there frozen as we could see the shadow heading towards us just as how an animal stands frozen when it can see a pair of headlights heading towards them. Every time it gets closer it gets faster and at the same time a part of it disappears. As it got just a foot closer to us it just disappeared. We wanted to take some time to recover but we didn't want to wait any more surprises. So we turned towards the gate and as we did. We saw the woman and the man standing next to each other and facing towards us. Not a minute later we heard screams from their mouths and we started to lose consciousness.

The next morning we were found unconscious at the entrance of the gate. As we slowly regained our consciousness. We looked at each other and noticed scratch Mars and scars on each of our hands showing only two words which spelled " You're Mine". The minute we saw this we were terrified but then for some reason I looked towards the cemetery and saw our mother standing there and she said there exact words " Do not worry for I am here with you always and I will protect you from harm. I love both of you". Just then my mom showed what happened last night and I realized that our mother protected us when these scratches were made by that man and woman.

We were taken to the hospital and I slowly told my brother what happened in the morning. He was scared at the same time in tears as he wanted to see our mom as well. A few days later we learned that the cemetery was in fact one of the spot for many recorded paranormal activitiea and deaths. It always happened in the night after 6pm. People always visited the cemetery before that time. From that day till date we always have dreams of that couple haunting us in our dreams but we were always protected by our mother. Thank you for reading.

Author's Note

This is a made up story and please excuse any Grammer mistakes if found .

Reviews

[Pranayee]

Nice story.... Interesting tooooo loved it!!!!

[Darkswing]

Thank you... Be ready for more

[Aarea]

This is a good suspenseful read. There are some grammatical errors, but they were fairly easy to figure out and work around. I love the idea of the haunted cemetery and their mother actually helping them. Well done, keep on writing!

[Darkswing]

Thank you very much.. I appreciate it

[The dark story]

Hmmm it is very interesting and quite scary too. I liked how you defined that spooky looking tree.
Great going

[Darkswing]

Thank you very much. I appreciate it

[Kathrin S]

I like the story. It's interesting and spooky!
I don't know what your intentions are, but if you are thinking about getting it published, you'd probably need an editor to help you. Here are some of my suggestions:

- Sometimes you repeat words several times. E.g.: the fourth paragraph from the bottom, you've repeated 'woman' several times.

- "A few minutes ..." Make two sentences out of this, e.g. the second could be: "The trip went according to plan."

- "my wit's" -> "my wits"

- "This time we decided .." Cut this sentence out, the reader can grasp this without being told.

- Re-write: "we wished our mother (a happy birthday)."

- "our next meet(ing)"

- "While we turned and began ..." cut out 'while'

- "Wee took a moment of relief." grammatically not correct - put something like "We took a moment to calm down."

I think grammar isn't your main problem. Most of your sentences are grammatically correct, and so is your spelling. You could work on phrasing though, since some sentences, although correct, don't seem to flow as well as they could. Keep working on it, the story is a good idea!

[Darkswing]

Thank you so much.... What you said Is right.... I will work on it... This is really helpful