Top signs your boss is a space alien

He can't speak a sentence without using the word "Assimilate"

Can’t speak a sentence without using the word “Assimilate”
Disciplinary write-ups have been replaced with a disintegration chamber
Loudly slurps down a 64 oz soda while hovering above it and then eats the bottle.
Out of town reimbursement receipts are from the Andromeda and Milky Way galaxies
Instead of getting himself going with coffee he uses Uranium 235
Uses red beams from eyes to reheat yesterday’s prey
With your mind only you think, “I’d like a raise” and immediately your controlling collar shocks you
While pressing you against the ceiling he still has several hands free for email and paperwork
You can’t quite put your finger on it but it doesn’t seem normal to have more than one mouth attached to each tentacle
Has a time share in “Area 51”
When he pulls you into his locked office he often forgets that you can’t pass through solid objects as easily as he can
Unfairly uses space time continuum to make a killing in the stock market
Office parties consist of going to a local farm and making crop signs
His vacation pics were taken from inside the fission chamber of a nuclear reactor
Impresses clients with knowledge of matter / anti-matter intermix formulas and then eats them
Each year sends employees on an all expense paid trip to the Bermuda triangle and then hires new staff

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