High School

As I look out my bus's window,

All I see are angry,bored & tired expressions,

After a long day,

Close to none eager to go home

To alcoholic dads,abusive brothers and drug addicted mothers.

They always said they'd never turn into the monsters their families are and forever will be

but somehow...it's rubbed off on them

and there spiriling out of control...

Author's Note

What can I improve on?
What did I do good on?

Reviews

[Bexfinch]

This is good It is like the skeleton of a poem Youve built a strong frame so now you have to put meet on it! Ask what why how! in everthing how the ppl feel what they are doing why they are doing how does it look. Just do that and I think youll be ok. This is a good concept. Good job :)

[CookieCrumbs]

Thanks!

[RaspberryBullets]

I agree with the previous comments, how you've created some excellent framework in all your poems - and now to improve you could go back and add more feelings and depth, really get inside the readers head and suck them in to your writing! Nice work so far.

Would love your opinion on some of my work? Be sure to check out my writing! :) xox

[Lexi]

I think you did really good on that writing piece, maybe you could put a little more feelings into it, like i didn't feel the connections to the writing and your personality.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this takes quite a twist....and that is good.

the last line works well too..

i like this...

careful of spots..."never turn into the monsters their families are"

and next to last line..."and they're spiraling out of control"

fifth and sixth line present that ironic twist in the poem, very heavy lines.

very mature write here...it is an expose on what it is like to be a teen today...and unfortunately it isn't pretty...we have to grow up much too fast, and we don't get to be kids.

jacob