Battles within the Storm of Love

This is our first attempt at a Sestina. Was very hard to write.

When there are no promises of true love
Reflections ruminate into yearning,
Chances taken appear total sacrifice
As dark clouds build up into violent storm.
Mood falls from great joy to melancholy
Happiness becomes replaced by sorrow

Hurt never heals that sorrow,
Instead burning into all consuming love,
Where expectations exceed yearnings.
A soul refuses to lose essence in sacrifice
Heart within feels the gathering storm,
Diverted briefly by airs of melancholy.

Tears drop from eyes so melancholy,
Reddened with life lost at times to sorrow.
Once lied so close with thoughts of love,
Promises forever become just yearning.
Differences became another sacrifice,
Blackened hatred absorbed the storm.

Petals dance amid that raging storm,
Weeping in their forlorn melancholy.
Escaping tangled webs of sorrow,
Where breathing turns to whispers of love.
Travelling across miles of yearning,
Resting in silence on shackles of sacrifice.

Life continues the never-ending sacrifice
Fighting forever against the storm,
Brief moments of laughter covered with melancholy,
Bleeding smiles filled with sorrow,
Forgetting somewhere love
Pleading with God despearately yearning -

Please release the aching yearning,
No more for memories to sacrifice.
Freedom from this dark brewing storm,
Refusing to be lost in feelings of melancholy
And the heartbreaking sorrow
Leaving forever a peaceful quiet love.

Be strong with yearning, remember sorrow and melancholy will fall away, as the sacrifice of life's storm turns into everlasting desire of love.

Author's Note

Please tell us where things work or don't work. This is a new experiment and we are interested to see if the format has worked.

Reviews

[R J Askew]

I have horrible trouble with sestinas. They drive me nuts. I find the form gets in the way of the read. I find myself looking how the form works and not reading the poem. I then think I should write one and have started several times. Then I give up and hate them even more. I think form is important as an exercise but this form seems bonkers. I always end up pretending it is not a sestina, blanking out the form and then reading it as if it wasn't a sestina. I've tried to read it again and I find it really hard...what really freaks me is the repetition of the word at the end of each verse at the end of the first line of the next verse. I want to beat my brains out they freak me soooo badly. Sorrow/sorrow, melancholy/melancholy ... the end of each verse and the start of the next just seems to stop dead in the water with the repeat words being sort of adjacent. How did it feel writing it? I admire your perseverence by the way! Ach, I've just looked again and it really feels like tail wagging dog. Sorry, i'm commenting on the form not the content. I reckon the sestina is the best argument any free form poet has for not following form. I'm really curious to know what you think having done one!

[Nick Erickson]

I wasn't even sure what a sestina was so I looked it up and added it to help others not informed :
The lines are grouped into six sestets and a concluding tercet. Thus a Sestina has 39 lines.
Lines may be of any length. Their length is usually consistent in a single poem.
The six words that end each of the lines of the first stanza are repeated in a different order at the end of lines in each of the subsequent five stanzas. The particular pattern is given below. (This kind of recurrent pattern is "lexical repetition".)
The repeated words are unrhymed.
The first line of each sestet after the first ends with the same word as the one that ended the last line of the sestet before it.
In the closing tercet, each of the six words are used, with one in the middle of each line and one at the end.

I wish I had waited, as I focused on the format more than the poem, but read it through twice, focusing on the poem itself the second time. Excellent imagery and vivid details, leading one into life's storm, painting a picture in my mind the same as the photo at the beginning.
I will have to give you applause for writing such a complicated piece, the words having to be repeated and not rhyming, and stepping out on a limb to try something new.
Well done!

[Robert Luna]

Great Collab and definitely beautifully written very nicely done you two. I enjoyed this and thought it was a wonderful way to start off the night of playing catch up.


Great Job!!!!!

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

A what? Oh never heard of a Sestina, but this was a very good piece, beautifullywritten.

[MistyJRose]

Great poem. I thought you two did beautiful on it. And it was interesting way to do it. Nice style. :) i like how you describe the feeling of being in the storm, lost, and without love. Great job on that. Hope this helps.

[Joseph - Michael]

First of all, it's a real nice writing on the details like that. Secondly, each of the words at the end of sentences, they don't need to be repeated like that. But, hey, that's just me

On the other hand, you two wrote it nicely, so it's all good...

[Jenny Davis]

A very good write wrapped tightly with excellent imagery and message of hope and love...waiting it out is tough but there are still rewards...very nicley done you two :)

[Natalie C]

I will have to agree with Phil, this proves to be an exquisite piece.
I am not at all familiar with this format (Sestina) but it definitely works specially the ending
Which left me speechless ....

Be strong with yearning, remember sorrow and melancholy will fall away, as the sacrifice of life's storm turns into everlasting desire of love.

Great Collab you two, glad to see the site is up and running again and will definitely be on the look out for any further collaborations

[Phil Sanders]

I think it an exquisite piece of writing and like any piece of writing ... the format flows from your words .. and it works beautifully ...