THAT I BELONG IN THIS

Forgive me 
I needed to hear this

That I belong in this 
In my reach 
In my sleep 
In these blankets
In these sheets
In my hellos 
In my goodbyes 
In meaning well 
In my muted lies 
In my looting cries 
The intensity

A selfish snob

In my room of solitude 
In my sickness of a mentality rude 
In my prayer too quiet 
In my ranging dreams so heavy and so light
In these bittersweet memories
In the clothes I choose to wear 
In the seasons weathering, at sight
To play host to my story of hope and despair 

New days yet await me!

In my useless desire
In my selfish grief
In my inability to commiserate 
In a saving grace of your arms -- O sweet release!
In my pain’s relief from sorrow 
In being saved from meaningless suicide
In my awakening to the beauty in plain sight and in the abstract seed of life
Where the potential for pleasure and pain reside 
O, how long is this story?

Insipid doubts
And supine relief!
I needed to know how I belonged!
What was my way?
I believed I could find it

O, that I belong IN THIS?!!
In my loves I took for granted 
In my loss I never could withstand
In my grief that went on for ages
In happy days that never long stood at hand 
In my broken thoughts lingering
In my quest for salvation (mine)
In my question for salvation (yours)
In my need to be heard 
To fulfill
In pure and true relations 
Authentic intimacy shared 
Not gentrified demure

Ah, your presence ... in a cafe

I belong, myself, ready to pay for it 

O, darling
Fashion victims 
We were living for the memories
Passion heroes
We were living for the moment 

You hid your nakedness for beauty 
Hoarding the sacredness named of your body 
I lusted in forsakenness out of some odd sense of duty espied
Lording for a game of chance and bereavement and pride 
Always seemed to fall short of shoddy
Fighting the comfort you offered me that I had long yearned for
That would take time for me to willfully accept
The idiot and the fool!
But I have been redeemed and my heart knows love!
And now: 
I forgive my ego for needing so much 
The pursuit for property ... and happiness
I needed to know that I belonged in this reality as myself 
I tried so hard just to be 
Made to be in the social fabric
With a purpose down the road travelling
The uncertain hope
The father in myself
Before I could move forward and truly live 
And be free
I needed to learn to trust the nature behind all these human instincts at play
And the mystery of nature
And my ownership for my soul and my sins that always seem to stay
Like this imperfect world 
The creator has created the universe, the way, perhaps even fate
And all I own here is my own reaction!

I pushed past the insanity of pain
All to find that everything mattered so 
And here I stood 
A grown up 
Quietly 

Still searching in that blind quest of honest virtue and honor
Valor and protection
Purpose
Before I could write 
I had to see 
How 
Every aspect of your daily life … of your spirit’s journey 
Existing, waiting, watching, anticipating, reaching, soulfully giving
So powerful and loving 
Is deserving of 
The 
Word

On 

That now seemingly silly stupid
Little
Paper 
From 
Them
There
Trees
Breathing
Speaking
Whispering

Sacrificing

Waiting for me to hear the song alas!
The truth
Before a true love begins

Slow down, O stupid man! O thoughtless self!!!
Holy is the tree of life!
And yes a wonder are the people!

O Woman,
That I belong in this!!!!

I am lost for words
But hey I am there in the world