Blue Solitude, Blue World

Blue Solitude, Blue World

January 23, 2012 at 5:27pm

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In a darkened solitude, my beating heart, my willful soul pushed

And these thankful wishes spilll, turn into a purposeful healing caring

O For want of joy

Redemption of spirit

I fight the black nothing

I fight the swallowing beast

I fight my judas pride

My twisted heart beats out a confusion of kindness and a resulting sorrow

A mess of best intentions

Give me something I can understand

Cry me a heart of higher thought

Is this life lived so much enough?

I say it is so

Blue heart,  blue condition, blue poet

There is a beautiful possibility

A revolution the lovers keep secret

Remaining a kind of hope for simple minds like mine

~~~~

These years have passed by

Yet I stilll possessed this dark solitude

The closet thing I yet know to beauty

Except a sensual woman ...

In a heart that's failed in deriliction of duty

To dream and love itself

Have you known this feeling?

I have lost her!

"I have lost her!!!"

The poets are in line

O irony, O sweet dysfunction, O colors, O forgiving angel love

I want of a higher tenderness

In this darkness I don't need to touch you

To hold and own you wholely

We will be together in the afterlife it is said

Or in a temporary agreement of bliss and of company

Let's make a deal!

I'm not as such a hobo

Not your vampire villain friend

Not your zombie lover

I will  never be a saviour

This is my condition

Far from gone

You slapped me open handed

Nearly we had love

Can you come back and turn this blue soul around?

I am seeing the light

Inside

It is an intense power

And this belief of spirit has got me

~~~~

Clouds of sincerity in the moods of the wandering hours of the mind

The sky darkens, I am at a radio in solitude

In here I am youthful

And high with freedom

And imagination

This sadness of beauty purges and releases me

Sustains me

Captain of my own destiny

I can forget about yours

I can forget about the world

Leave it to what it is - that which I will never understand

Or really control

I put my head down

And do not speak

~~~~

In it I can know the world

In it I am bonded together with my memory

Of you and all that was

All that will be

Just hero in my own story

With it I can exist for years

Despite my love of you

That clamours to bring me down

With that legendary rejection

In it I am unity and I am nothing

In it I understand everyone

And understand bright stars that stay fixed

In the emptiness of open space

A hope to remain with the infinite cause

In my star there is God, heart, soul and love

And it asks for no applause

Letting go of desire and need for notice and normal things

~~~~

The daylight comes still with dark beauty

And I still feel close to everything

I don't talk or need

And philosophy points to spirituality

Now

I know good can come of solitude

And I still quest

With hope comes            new springs

Even still measuring the wages of sin and conscience

~~~~

I am not still life dialogue

I will come back to love again

I will discover love

Like I never knew

For I would need affection

At quiet mind

I am with breath

Sorrow shall lead me through and past the pain

To a new day

And a new world with it

And I within a tearful thought

In a darkened shadow

With renewed faith I am compelled to know you

Words put together

~~~~

I see your soul and would become affection

There I am in the world

To touch you

With words for voices

And dreams

Of the heart

Purity implied

Talks to my deepest failures at attempted kindness

My intuition trembles and writhes at future pictures in speculative screens

A strategy of symbol powers have caught me as a spiders play

But still successful heels are here to stay

~~~~

Before the world makes me cold and wishful

I want to hold you close near true

Drawn by the infinite memory of god

The circle plays out again

And again we are left with nothing

But the questions

And time  

Love that requires no spoken words

A dignity that requires no proof of speech

At this a darkened solitude and I willfully dreaming

I would be love, I would be your pain

Tortured, I would be your mending wonder

Soaring seagull

I wanted to be understood

Now I will never be normal

And this catharsis is all I have to give you

Rich with the hope of every age

You said "That was beauty"I said "It was just hope"