Five Minutes Ago

"Jimmy, I need those papers five minutes ago. You have no idea the thrashing I got for forgetting them." With a groan I leaned back against the wall and held my chest. I grimaced as a spasm of pain lanced across my ribs. I was pretty sure at least two of them were cracked on my right side.

Jimmy, my personal assistant, nodded sympathetically. "No problem, sir. Do you know where they are?"

I shook my head and flapped my hand at him. "Oh. Somewhere, I suppose. I'm sure they're lying around somewhere. Check my car, would you? And grab me a donut too, please." I watched him leave, then leaned my head back against the wall and sighed. My nose was throbbing fiercely and my ribs hurt like hell.

I was currently resting against a section of wall directly across from a door. On the other side of a door, a group of men waited impatiently for the papers that I was supposed to have delivered. Unfortunately, true to my nature, the papers had been misplaced and I had taken a beating for it. Equally unfortunately, that beating had been literal. Who knew old geezers on a corporate board could kick so damn hard?

Thankfully, time travel had been invented a few years back. It was a perfect solution to an age old problem, allowing lazy b******s like me to get important papers to meetings on time, every time. Equally important was the fact that, in the version of time when we didn't, corporate leaders could take out all of their frustration on us. Of course, technically, since we always got the papers to them, board members never actually got to kick anyone around. But that didn't make my ribs hurt any less now.

The end result of time travel was very simple; board members were saved five minutes and I was saved a beating. That was all anyone really cared about. Well, that and the cost of time travel cancelled itself out. Since the papers were sent back to me, the time travel need never have happened, thus, no cost. That was also important.

Although, if the papers weren't found, then that would make matters much more complicated. Sending a note back to myself was a lot riskier than the government was comfortable with and involved a lot of paperwork. Plus, I usually just lost the note as well as the papers. So, the question now became one of where I had left the papers.

Right on cue, Jimmy came running back down the hall to me, panting and empty handed. "Sir, I couldn't find the papers in your car." Damn. "Also, the bakery is out of your favorite donut." Double damn. This was looking more and more unpleasant for me.

I sighed and rubbed my temples. Where were they? "Alright Jimmy. Go check my desk and my locker. It's a bit of a long shot, but we might get lucky. We have been every time before, haven't we?" Jimmy, not one to waste time, turned around and raced off. I, meanwhile, rested my head on my knees and thought. Hard. I hadn't gone to my office this morning and I definitely remembered throwing the papers into the passenger seat this morning before driving in today. I had gone straight from my car to this meeting. No trip to my office, and dido for my locker. They weren't in my pockets....

Actually, thinking about it, I hadn't checked all of my pockets. In fact, I had only checked my right one. With no small amount of trepidation, I put my hand in my left pocket.

Glory be to God, they were there. They had been in my pocket the entire time the Head of Finances had been kicking me in the face. How the hell had I missed them? No matter. They needed to go back quickly, the sooner the better.

I stood up and limped over to the elevator. Jimmy wouldn't be back for several minutes and I was curious about what time travel was like. I got in and pressed the button for the basement. I stood leaning against the wall while innocuous elevator music played quietly in the background. Time travel was now as common as the work commute, but elevator music never changed. The elevator only stopped once and a fairly attractive young lady got in. She glanced at my bloody face and black eyes and smiled sympathetically. "Forget something for the meeting?"

I nodded wearily and grinned in a self-depreciating way. The effect was probably marred by my lack of several teeth. She winced and turned away from me. I sighed again and waited. She got off at the lobby and the elevator continued down.

I got out and looked around. A sign ahead said 'Time Machine' with a hand pointing to the right. The hallway was surprisingly clean and dry. It had always been my impression that basements were dirty and damp.

I went down the hallway and found a door at the end, again with a sign that said 'Time Machine'. I opened the door and entered.

Although I had seen pictures and videos of time machines before, the real thing was somewhat disappointing. It looked like a large, plain microwave oven. No sparks, no lights, no gas and mysterious noises. Just grey metal box with a glass front.

A couple of technicians were eagerly prepping the machine. One of them looked up at me and explained, "We don't ever get to do this. I mean, we've done this before, but we never remember it since people go back and fix things. That makes the time travel unneeded. But anyway, we're almost all set!"

A few lights started blinking on their consoles and the door sprang open. I made sure I still had the papers and stepped hesitantly into the machine. The door sealed shut behind me and a tiny, high pitched whirring began to sound. I turned to look outside the glass. My last view of the world was them frantically smashing away at the consoles with looks of panic on their faces.

Then they vanished and all of the lights went out. For a second, I couldn't register what had happened. Then I realized that I was inside of a broken time machine. And I couldn't see anything. And there was no door anymore.

Crap.

I felt around for something, a wall or a door or anything. Nothing. It was then that I realized that I couldn't feel the floor either. With a sharp gasp, I suddenly began to fall.

I landed on something. This something yelled and hit me. I opened my eyes (which I had closed while falling) and discovered that I had landed on a person. More specifically...myself.

With some confusion I looked around. I was standing in a large place. There was no light. It was as if I was standing in a completely dark room. But I could see people milling about the empty space as clearly as though a spotlight was shining on them. I shook my head in confusion and examined the person I had landed on. Like I said, he was me. He was even dressed the exact same way as me. Standing beside him was...also me. He, too, was dressed like me and looked like me. Most other people looked like me at different ages. A few looked like the three of us, but they were all far away.

The three of us looked around at each other. I honestly felt a little bit of nausea, looking at myself looking myself looking at me. I sat down and began to breathe heavily. "Oh God, oh God, oh God. This is so not good." The other two me's sat down as well and looked at each other helplessly.

I looked up at both of them and asked, "Do either of you know what’s going on?"

"I don't have the faintest idea. All I know is that I need to find those papers before the meeting. If I ever get out of here." Said the one on my left, who looked a little frazzled. He glanced to his left and said, "How about you?"

Three, as I decided to call him, puffed himself up and replied, "I am sure it is nothing to be worried about. Just give the technicians a few minutes to fix this and we will be out in a jiffy." He nodded self-importantly and continued to sit with a rather arrogant smile on his face.

I frowned at him and looked around again. "It looks like...well, it looks as though, when the time machine broke, a version of myself from every moment in time was pulled into wherever this is with me."

Three arrogantly interposed, "That is ridiculous. If there was one from every moment, there would be hundreds of you black-eyed fellows wandering around here. But I see only one of you."

That was true. Three made a good point. I shook my head and muttered, "This would happen to me." I glared over at Two, the person to my left. "You know, this would never have happened if you hadn't forgotten the papers were in your own damn pocket!"

Two blustered angrily. "Oh, of course, this isn't your fault! Let's blame me! It's never your fault, you sorry, self-pitying piece of--"

"Now really! Both of you need to shut up! This isn't the time to be arguing. We need to just sit and wait. This will all fix itself." Three stared at both of us with such utter condescension that I had to laugh. He turned to face me with a frown. "What do you find so funny?"

I quickly smothered my laughter and replied, "You. How can you be so sure that everything will fix itself?" After a moment, the answer dawned on me. "It's because you always have the papers handed to you. You never have to worry about remembering the papers or getting your teeth kicked out because the papers are always handed to you! You arrogant, self-centered prick!"

Three stood up and loomed angrily over me. "You think that you can insult whoever the hell you want and we'll let you, just because you took a couple of knocks for forgetting the papers! Well, have I got news for you. You can just shut your face, because you are getting no pity from me!"

Two stood up as well and put his hand on Three's shoulder. "Listen, this isn't doing any good. Besides, all you're doing is yelling at yourself. Have you forgotten that we are all the same person?"

I joined them in standing and yelled, "That's a lie! I would never be as arrogant and condescending as this jerk! I'm nothing like him!"

Three shoved me in the chest. "And I would never be as self-pitying and pathetic as you are. You always look beyond yourself for someone blame! Why can't you take some credit for your own damn mistakes!"

"Because I am not the one who forgot the papers! This lazy b*****d always leaves them behind, and you don't see him with a broken nose, do you!"

Two backed a few steps away and said, "Look, guys, all of this yelling is seriously not-"

"SHUT UP!!" Three and I yelled together. We continued glaring at each other.

Two tried again. "Look, I know you guys are angry at each other. I'm pretty sure a psychologist would have a field day right now with what's going on here. But you have to remember, we are all the same person at different points in our own time stream. I think.” He paused. “We can't continue yelling at each other like we are all different people."

I held my hand up to stop him. "But how is it that this guy is a stuck-up jerk, and I'm not?" Three started to interrupt, but I stopped him too. "Look, there's no point denying it. You're pretty bad. And yes, I do suppose I feel sorry for myself a lot. So why are we both so fundamentally different from each other if we are the same person?"

Two shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe we are all simply reflections of our outermost characteristics at any given moment. If it came down to something truly important, something that questioned our deepest integrity, I think we would all have the same answer."

Three and I thought about this. It sounded about right. After all, just because Three and I acted differently didn't mean we weren't the same person. Or did it? Didn't we judge a person on who they were based on how they acted? How was it that we really determined who a person was?

"What if we are a different person every second?" Three asked. Two and I looked at him incredulously. "No, wait. Listen. We all judge people on what they do and how they act, right? Like, if a person murdered someone else, we would say that they were a bad person." Two and I nodded. "But what about before that person had murdered someone else. They aren't still a bad person are they? Because they haven't actually killed anyone yet."

I found myself beginning to agree with him. "So...what's your point?"

Three frowned pensively. "I'm not sure. It just seems like we were thrown into this ridiculous situation by chance, and it's in our nature to try to make sense of things. The question of our identity doesn't have any impact on what happens to us. It just gives us something to think about. And when you think about it, it seems more and more like we are a different person from one second to the next. Or at least, we become a different person after a fairly significant event has impacted us."

This struck me as being absolutely ridiculous. “So, our belief that we are all the same person as when we were born is wrong? That’s absolutely ridiculous.”

Two decided to speak up here. “I don’t know. Is it? I mean, are you the same person as you were when you were three? Or ten? Or twenty? It’s undeniable that we change throughout our lives. Is it so far-fetched that when we change as a person that we completely become a new person altogether? And another thing. As soon as the same person became separated into several bodies, we all treated each other as different people, even though we are all the same person.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. But at the same time, I could see what they were getting at. “So, because we judge people on who they are based on their actions, and the way we act changes throughout our lives, we become a new person every time our choice of action changes.”

Three nodded. Two added, “Not only that, but we assume that because we have the same body that we are always the same person. But when the same person becomes split into two bodies, we treat them as different people. It automatically becomes him and I.” Two smiled wryly at me. “I bet you already have different names for us because you think of us as different people.”

I frowned when I realized he was right. I had given them both names to differentiate between them, even though they were the same person. What the hell? This was getting screwier every second we stood here.

Two sat down again. “All of this philosophical discussion isn’t going to get us out of here. As much as I would love to continue discussing this, we need to get out of here.”

Three and I sat down again. “It seems we have switched from philosophy to riddles. How do you get out of a room with no walls and no floor?”

We all sat and thought for a moment. There was no end to the room. No walls to walk to, no doors to open. We couldn’t dig our way out, because there was no floor. No ceiling to climb up to. Nothing. It was like escaping from your shadow. You couldn’t do it.

Unless...

I had a thought. It was a terrible thought. I knew how to get out of here. And it was not going to be fun.

I looked up at Two and Three. “Guys. I think I know how to get out of here.” They looked at me expectantly. “We have to create a paradox. If we are killed before we ever enter the machine, then we will never have gone in here, and thus have escaped. Plus, we won’t have had to kill ourselves, because we will never have been in this place.” Three and Two thought this over for a second.

“Alright. So, who do we have to kill?” Three asked.

“Someone who existed before we entered the time machine. But it couldn’t be you,” Two said, looking at Three, “Because you didn’t actually enter the time machine this time round. Killing you would do no good.” Two turned to me. “And you have already gone through the time machine. Killing you would be pointless as well.” Two thought for a second. And then a look of horror crossed his face. He scrambled away from us and tried to run. But Three and I had reached the same conclusion that he had already and we grabbed him before he could run.

Two had existed before entering the time machine. By killing him, we would create a paradox that would mean we had never entered the time machine. We would have to kill him in order to leave.

“No! No! Please! There has to be another way!” Two struggled frantically, his eyes wide and terrified.

“Three, hold him down. Make sure he doesn’t get loose.” And then I wrapped my hands around Two’s throat and squeezed.

The thirty seconds it took Two to die were the worst of my life. Because I was not only killing another person willingly, I was seeing myself die at my own hands. I was staring down into my own eyes as I killed myself. I would never forget this. Never.

And then the frantic light in Two’s eyes--my eyes--faded. And so did Three, and Two, and the rest of the people all around me.

And so did I.

 

I woke up and realized I had to remember something. Something important. Something about…oh, yes! The meeting today! There were some papers, monthly reports for my department that I needed. I glanced over at the bedside table and saw them. I grabbed them and stood up. As I got dressed and ate breakfast, I kept them in sight, making sure to always have them on hand.

After I had eaten breakfast, I went out to my car and carefully placed them in the passenger seat. The entire commute to work, I glanced over at them, making sure they were still there. When I arrived at work, I reached over and carefully put them in my right-hand pocket. Then I got out.

I proceeded to the meeting, confident and proud that I had remembered the papers. I entered the room and greeted the Board. They knew that I had a habit of forgetting important papers because they were always delivered to me by Jimmy, my personal assistant. Today, however, that would be unnecessary. I confidently reached into my left-hand pocket for the papers and froze.

They were gone.

While I tried to explain, the Board became very upset. Upset to the point where they leapt, screaming over their desks and proceeded to pummel me. The Head of Finances to great pleasure in kicking me in the face. Repeatedly. Head of Marketing, an elderly man who didn’t look very strong, kicked me in the ribs hard enough to knock me over. And then the kicked and pushed and yelled me right out the door.

I staggered across the hall and sank down to the floor, leaning against the wall. My assistant, Jimmy, came rushing up to me. “Sir, are you alright?”

“Jimmy, I need those papers five minutes ago.”