English Violets

Dale,

You want my official and not so professional critique? ... You asked for it, and so here it is ... Yes, it is nice in a perfect world to achieve perfection in grammar and punctuation, but we do not live in a perfect world, nor are we perfect writers ... In fact most good writers are not all that great at their grammar and punctuation (punctuation most especially), and so let's see you stop putting yourself down before folks even get to enjoy your heart penned to page ... Okay ...

Now, very few good poets are also good story writers, and very few good story writers are also good poets, Edgar Allen Poe was an exception to that rule of thumb and I am sure there are others that simply do not come to mind at the moment ... That said, you are amongst those who are the exception to that rule ... You are a wonderfully odd duck ...!

So, my critique is: A HOT new romance writer has arrived on the scene to sweep readers off their feet and into an enchanting world that is very close to virtual reality ... A good story writer does not write, he/she/YOU paint with words to the canvas of page, and you do so quite majestically in using the brush of your pen to paint an image and world within your readers minds that is very much like being swept away and caught up within a blockbuster movie in theaters of olden days when movies were still magnificent and not the cheap five and dime productions they are today ... To capture your audience, your reader, from the very first paragraph, is the goal of every writer, just as catching the eye of the audience with the fine strokes of his/her brush is the goal of every artist ... I am pleased that you have chosen to begin writing stories, for you have talent that is simply oozing forth from within you, and has, hence, been going to waste ... You have paid attention to the writing of other good writers who use their pens as brushes to paint rather then to simply pound words to a page, and you have adapted what you have learned to your own style, a style that brings your painted words to life upon page ...!

Keep honing the skills you have been born with, and do not let others (self professed experts, glory grabbers, and the jealous) discourage you ... I truly enjoyed this, and am looking forward to more ...

Posted 9 Years Ago

responding on the Read Request........
did you delete the chapters of this book???
don't deprive me of an awesome story......
do send another read request when you add chapters........
:)

Posted 9 Years Ago

Dale,

You want my official and not so professional critique? ... You asked for it, and so here it is ... Yes, it is nice in a perfect world to achieve perfection in grammar and punctuation, but we do not live in a perfect world, nor are we perfect writers ... In fact most good writers are not all that great at their grammar and punctuation (punctuation most especially), and so let's see you stop putting yourself down before folks even get to enjoy your heart penned to page ... Okay ...

Now, very few good poets are also good story writers, and very few good story writers are also good poets, Edgar Allen Poe was an exception to that rule of thumb and I am sure there are others that simply do not come to mind at the moment ... That said, you are amongst those who are the exception to that rule ... You are a wonderfully odd duck ...!

So, my critique is: A HOT new romance writer has arrived on the scene to sweep readers off their feet and into an enchanting world that is very close to virtual reality ... A good story writer does not write, he/she/YOU paint with words to the canvas of page, and you do so quite majestically in using the brush of your pen to paint an image and world within your readers minds that is very much like being swept away and caught up within a blockbuster movie in theaters of olden days when movies were still magnificent and not the cheap five and dime productions they are today ... To capture your audience, your reader, from the very first paragraph, is the goal of every writer, just as catching the eye of the audience with the fine strokes of his/her brush is the goal of every artist ... I am pleased that you have chosen to begin writing stories, for you have talent that is simply oozing forth from within you, and has, hence, been going to waste ... You have paid attention to the writing of other good writers who use their pens as brushes to paint rather then to simply pound words to a page, and you have adapted what you have learned to your own style, a style that brings your painted words to life upon page ...!

Keep honing the skills you have been born with, and do not let others (self professed experts, glory grabbers, and the jealous) discourage you ... I truly enjoyed this, and am looking forward to more ...

Posted 9 Years Ago

I think this is very good, Dale. You know, about grammar I can't give you advice, I'm making a lot more mistakes than you. But you tell a very interesting story. At first I was thinking about 'Sleeping with the Enemy' a film with Julia Roberts. If you haven't seen him, you must look once. It's also about a relation that changed after the marriage. I really love to see and read more chapters about this. Very well done and don't say anymore that you can't write stories because you've proved with this one that you certainly can. Have a good day, Dale. :) Rudi

Posted 9 Years Ago

I didn't notice any errors Dale. You are quite the story teller. I'm impressed! I really like the character development - you gave the readers enough to invest in the characters, yet didn't get too wordy. Your descriptions were vivid and the story moved along quickly. I'm looking forward to the next chapters. RR me when you post them.

:) Julie

Posted 9 Years Ago

Absolutely brilliant Dale, it held me from beginning to end and the retribution carried out on Charles was both stunning and hilarious, he certainly got what's coming, I did not notice if there were any errors I was far to engrossed in the story, i'm not usually a good reviewer of stories since i guess its cos i can't write them but i know a good read when i see one and you wrote a very good read, thanks for sharing Dale :)

Posted 9 Years Ago

Welcome back Dale I am glad that you got your Id back. Plus you have written one heck of a story that left me astounded

Posted 9 Years Ago

This was absolutely enthralling. I didn't notice any grammar errors, but I was so eager to read through the story that I may not have been paying that close attention to the particulars. This story has so much potential to turn into a book. Nicely done. Thank you for sharing.

Posted 9 Years Ago

Breathe ends in e and Breath ends in h.

I liked the story... the dialogue wasn't overdone.

Posted 9 Years Ago