A Dream Creation

First Love's Journey: Sent a message to Moderator; have no idea what the capped letters are in blue, so sorry...maybe my explorer settings? I'm computer clueless, please for me.

A Dream Creation….

 

Throughout vineyards we walk hand in hand

Green fertile meadows wet with dewdrops stand

Our bare-feet applaud with a ringlet of chills

Encompassing a wonderland beacon passions thrill

Like a miracle offering a soft calming breeze blows

Winds sprinkling fresh red courage upon our abode

As charity grows inside our hearts placid paced places

Dreams of fantasy laced and tied by God’s graces

 

Fruits abundant fill our rising hunger; curious desires from Gods’ wonders

Like a kaleidoscope turning the moonlight, clematis lavender and milky white

Jeweled with electric light fuchsia opening exuding sweet fragrance into our night

We rush over the splendor of supple lands giving us pleasure yearned for at last  

 

The valley rolls out anticipation;  questions and dreams of the past revel in our creation

Tickle soft skin like raindrops in the desert, thirsting we drank it all in

Never questioning whence it came, just joy and elation compelling us away

 

Our eyes locked under the canopy of a million gleaming stars,

Watching our every move, they twinkled with excitement as our new love bloomed.

His eyes said he would reach beyond the universe and retrieve the brightest star

But he touched my face and said you are more beautiful by far

He said he had waited forever for this moment to arrive

And he kissed me so gently in our pleasure’s paradise…..

 

 

  

Author's Note

Please provide me with any suggestions: this is very challenging to me; so many people here do it so well, but I tried. I know it is clique. I think I'll skip this genre for a LONG while. Thank you so much.

Reviews

[Devons]

An interestingly unpredictable/inconstant rhyme scheme is employed here (or perhaps it is merely how the words naturally evolved on the page), but the wording, imagery and descriptive language eclipses the whole with intelligence and imagination.
The landscape and atmosphere evoked in the poem is indeed dream-like, and in fact at times almost seems -not surreal- but somehow cosmic, in a sense, like another world. And that is what the concept, ideal and idea of love is capable of conjuring by feeling - since feelings are unseeable and therefore can only be represented by words or pictures. I think the subtle other-world imagery creates a dream-scape only a little removed from the real, yet just enough to be fantasy, and that fits the world of dreams and love exactly.
It's interesting that the poem builds into love, rather than using the theme as its basis - that presents a kind of question and answer balance with the piece as a whole. ie. love is a kind of dream, a kind of fantasy, in which life is perfect and a perfect place for love. Also, the slight sense of the unreal and impossible creates a kind of parallel to love as an ideal: it is what what we dream of and how we interpret it, but it is not how it really is, ultimately...
The use of language here flourishes and paints with artistic imagination.

NB there are places where -within lines- perhaps there ought to be commas inserted in order to deliver the meaning with more complete effectiveness.

PS What do you mean by "I know it is clique"? Are you talking about the poem style or content or theme?

[Confuser]

I am blown away - what an analytical and intelligent mind. You made me think, feel and gave me so much wisdom. Writing love poems are so difficult to me. I always write quickly. Thank you so very much Devons!

[Devons]

Love poems are not the best subject, I find. There's not much to say about the subject when you really think about it. There has to be a little more. You got that here.

[Confuser]

________________________________Thanks Again_______________________(liked your poem much better!

[Devons]

Aw shucks. Flattery will get you everywhere.

[Confuser]

Told my husband about your poem....he'll love it...and it sells!

[Devons]

Well, that's sex... always good for a price...

[Confuser]

LOL................you got that right!!!!

[Fran Marie]

Don't sell yourself short, this is a beautiful creative piece of poetry dear Dale, lovely descriptions throughout this entire poem..nice work..

[Perkele.7885]

This is a beautiful, complicated yet, then again, not so complicated a write! What it has is a lot of alliteration and a bounty of descriptive words that cloud the basic beautiful message. But, it comes through to the reader in the end and love lives on.

[Confuser]

Perkele.7885: Thank you & please tell me the words that should be removed. I don't want to cloud the "meaning" - told you I was a novice....love honesty;

[Sami Khalil]

You are sharing with us the beauty and fruits of your questions and dreams. And we revel in them. An excellent one...:)..............

[Aerielle Louise]

Beautiful poem. Nice one :)

[Emily]

This is so beautiful, and the imagery is so perfect! Great job!

[Miss Sharon]

This is a beautiful and romantic write! Love these lines (Our bare-feet applaud with a ringlet of chills Encompassing a wonderland beacon passions thrill) I like rhymed poetry and you've done that quite well. This line is vividly stated and beautifully romantic (His eyes said he would reach beyond the universe and retrieve the brightest star But he touched my face and said you are more beautiful by far) ~Sharon

[emmajoy]

' Tickle soft skin like raindrops in the desert, thirsting we drank it all in - Never questioning whence it came, just joy and elation compelling us away ' .. ..

Dale, how can anyone write such beautiful phrases and yet have doubts about her skill as a poet?!

Perhaps you could let this post rest a while then, come back to it with a fresh mind? Your reviewers/friends, (me too!) think your words are wonderful. Don't doubt yourself. Smile.. like this :))

[Pushkar Prabhat]

no............don't skip any genre...........you write beautifully............everything...........
i have come to make peace with the fact that ofcourse we can not write like someone........because we have our own style and perspective........so instead trying to be someone else we must perfect our own style.......
no one has your imagination........no one can have it!!!

this is passionate sweet and elegant Dale..........awesome!!!!
i loved it!!!!
:)

[R Smith]

hold on Dale, don't skip anything, this is beautiful, you done an amazing job with this poem, don't even think you're no good, your writing has always been top quality and here i see you entering brilliance, never walk away from any genre' you write great in them all :)