A Dream Creation

First Love's Journey: Sent a message to Moderator; have no idea what the capped letters are in blue, so sorry...maybe my explorer settings? I'm computer clueless, please for me.

A Dream Creation….

 

Throughout vineyards we walk hand in hand

Green fertile meadows wet with dewdrops stand

Our bare-feet applaud with a ringlet of chills

Encompassing a wonderland beacon passions thrill

Like a miracle offering a soft calming breeze blows

Winds sprinkling fresh red courage upon our abode

As charity grows inside our hearts placid paced places

Dreams of fantasy laced and tied by God’s graces

 

Fruits abundant fill our rising hunger; curious desires from Gods’ wonders

Like a kaleidoscope turning the moonlight, clematis lavender and milky white

Jeweled with electric light fuchsia opening exuding sweet fragrance into our night

We rush over the splendor of supple lands giving us pleasure yearned for at last  

 

The valley rolls out anticipation;  questions and dreams of the past revel in our creation

Tickle soft skin like raindrops in the desert, thirsting we drank it all in

Never questioning whence it came, just joy and elation compelling us away

 

Our eyes locked under the canopy of a million gleaming stars,

Watching our every move, they twinkled with excitement as our new love bloomed.

His eyes said he would reach beyond the universe and retrieve the brightest star

But he touched my face and said you are more beautiful by far

He said he had waited forever for this moment to arrive

And he kissed me so gently in our pleasure’s paradise…..

 

 

  

Author's Note

Please provide me with any suggestions: this is very challenging to me; so many people here do it so well, but I tried. I know it is clique. I think I'll skip this genre for a LONG while. Thank you so much.

Reviews

[Devons]

An interestingly unpredictable/inconstant rhyme scheme is employed here (or perhaps it is merely how the words naturally evolved on the page), but the wording, imagery and descriptive language eclipses the whole with intelligence and imagination.
The landscape and atmosphere evoked in the poem is indeed dream-like, and in fact at times almost seems -not surreal- but somehow cosmic, in a sense, like another world. And that is what the concept, ideal and idea of love is capable of conjuring by feeling - since feelings are unseeable and therefore can only be represented by words or pictures. I think the subtle other-world imagery creates a dream-scape only a little removed from the real, yet just enough to be fantasy, and that fits the world of dreams and love exactly.
It's interesting that the poem builds into love, rather than using the theme as its basis - that presents a kind of question and answer balance with the piece as a whole. ie. love is a kind of dream, a kind of fantasy, in which life is perfect and a perfect place for love. Also, the slight sense of the unreal and impossible creates a kind of parallel to love as an ideal: it is what what we dream of and how we interpret it, but it is not how it really is, ultimately...
The use of language here flourishes and paints with artistic imagination.

NB there are places where -within lines- perhaps there ought to be commas inserted in order to deliver the meaning with more complete effectiveness.

PS What do you mean by "I know it is clique"? Are you talking about the poem style or content or theme?

[Confuser]

I am blown away - what an analytical and intelligent mind. You made me think, feel and gave me so much wisdom. Writing love poems are so difficult to me. I always write quickly. Thank you so very much Devons!

[Devons]

Love poems are not the best subject, I find. There's not much to say about the subject when you really think about it. There has to be a little more. You got that here.

[Confuser]

________________________________Thanks Again_______________________(liked your poem much better!

[Devons]

Aw shucks. Flattery will get you everywhere.

[Confuser]

Told my husband about your poem....he'll love it...and it sells!

[Devons]

Well, that's sex... always good for a price...

[Confuser]

LOL................you got that right!!!!

[Haseo]

i find it very interesting, you did a very great job describing the image through simple words
i loved it.

(Our eyes locked under the canopy of a million gleaming stars) i loved this part... although i felt the rhyme isn't good in this one.

Very good job and keep it up

[SmittyJas]

A dream creation like this should go untouched not a blemish in the hidden words on one. I enjoy every twist every turn and of the canopy of the sky with all the stars above this I do love Many of expressions of love rapped into the sky and stars above Sweet revelations Of our pleasured paradise arriving at the very end Like ti was planned from the beginning A forever moment has arrived or love will survive.

[Lyingwithlions]

Beautiful piece! It's funny I've left the comment your story read like a poem several times.
Though this is the first time to say, your poem read like a beautiful love story. I thought it was amazing!

[Dave]

Your poem shows how dreams florish when they are fed with the food of love. How the heart is enraptured by the thought, the presense, even the anticipation of soon being with the one you love. I recall, all to well, the pictures you portray with such beautiful eloquence. It doesn't take much to see, feel the love that you share with your lover.

Thank you again for sharing your talent.

[Alan Corbett]

I would prefer the work to stand without the pretty additions.
This work is not bad, technically much better than some of the rubbish I've read.
The review by Nadia B is about right.

[Jennie Baron]

Oh my goodness, this isn't cliche; it's beautifully worded with your unique poetic voice! The only images that might be a little overused are the raindrops in the desert and the canopy of stars. A touching expression of that giddy feeling of being in love.

Vocabulary: collide-a-scope should be kaleidoscope.

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

It soothes the soul and calms the mind wish for a place like your pleasure’s paradise defines.....WONDERFUL!

[Confuser]

So kind Skyfall27: Look forward to reading more of your work!!

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

I wish to read more of your work...I am not a great writer like you all write! I am a small & tiny!

[Confuser]

Untrue, I write quickly; need to make many corrections with grammar. You are talented; don't doubt yourself.

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

No I am true....I know my weakness and I appreciate the efforts it takes to write beautiful poems that you write. I would love to frame it by myself one day!

[Confuser]

Skyfall27: People here are so wonderful: I read here and I write...sometimes okay, sometimes not, but trying is important. We all progress....Bye.

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

Yes you're right trying is all important in life.....And I don't fear to try as I have friends like you, who can never let me fall so easily. Thanks!

[Confuser]

Right Skyfall27: please have a wonderful day!

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

Same to you friend! Bless you!

[Confuser]

How kind: Bless you and yours!!!

[Annacate]

Tender, sweet and full of vivid imagery.

[Nadia B.]

Such wonderful use of words and alliteration all through out your poem, there is a sense of flow and the imagery abundant. Really enjoyable and the ending make one wish to live such a dream come true. It has all the right tones and just really appreciated it. No suggestions, it perfect as it is, thank you for sharing, please keep writing!