Salty Perserverance

A look at life, what we endure, what is courage, what control do we really have, our importance as humans

Salty Perserverance

 

Locked away without a crime

A rusty needle, an IV line

Strapped down on an oppressive gurney

Helpless but my courage redefined

In between worn out lines of

Clods of dirt piled so very high

Somewhere inside my cloudy mind

The dirty curtain dashed away

Exposing curious onlookers

Phantom spirits of my life

No response or emotion in muted eyes

My life disappeared, undisturbed

Doomed to ration death molds

In crevices meticulously created

And hidden away, below the daunting days

Secrets sins haunt the orison souls

 

Reinforcing courage is attrition to mortals

It is blind and distorted, the memories’ fragility

Thwarted like garbage in a green bay,

Rips and ripples remain depending on our state

Of decay…

 

It’s the drawback of the wave,

Lying within that abandoned trough I will remain

Waiting for the tsunami’s courageous display

It is its relevanance upon that ridge of power

That ultimately fills my spirit, I wait

 

Reckless wild fury collects and pulls me away

  Receding… I am only debris

Author's Note

I always am appreciate for your input, suggestions and opinions. Thank you so much in advance for reading.

Reviews

[Briana O'Connor]

The way you lead the reader through a downward spiral of emotions is mesmerizing. I've always wondered when reading your works...What do the different colored words stand for? That is not a critique in anyway. I'm just merely curious. Thank you for sharing.

[Confuser]

Briana: someone else asked me....I thought it was ads, from here???? It must be something else; I didn't know anyone else saw it....wow, the visual of that sounds terrible too. I'm going to check it out in more detail. I'm so glad you liked the poem. You are so kind.

[Confuser]

I don't know how to get it off.

[Briana O'Connor]

Wow so you didn't do that to the words? that's really weird...

[Confuser]

Brianna: I have NO idea, unless it's something on explorer setting to show the ads???? I would ask Emily, but I've bothered her enough: now I must ask you, would you please copy/paste your review from English Violets, and put on English Violets2...yesterday logged on and it was gone....I'll have to ask somebody; suppose a moderator, but don't know who that would be???? I went up clicked on it....didn't take me to a link: I hope people don't think I'm trying to misguide them, I computer clueless.....

[Confuser]

It looks stupid!!! OMG....

[Confuser]

Now I'm LOL: CRIME....in big blue caps....I like the color....that's it

[Briana O'Connor]

Lol calm down skippy! It does not look stupid. I just figured it was for emphasis, however I did go up and look at the words and upon hovering it lead to a link right back to this poem. very strange, but I would recommend messaging one of the moderators to check it out, however I have heard that the moderators don't even visit this site anymore.

[Briana O'Connor]

my review from english violets is there, however the chapter has been deleted. it just shows the book with no posted chapters

[Confuser]

It has to be put on English Violets2: I asked Emily what I should do...the one you wrote, should be deleted....copy/pasted to English Violets2: That's my story, like I said, yesterday, it was GONE!!!! She said people shouldn't have a problem...if I'm doing it wrong, or should do something else, let me know: I'm too scared to delete English Violets, my God it could delete the entire story again. It's crazy...Got big Blue capped, whatever....my story disappeared; this is freaky stuff....oooohaaaw??? Any suggestions other than Emily's? Where's a MODERATOR....I yelling, I bet they'll run like the wind....it's only Saturday evening and I'm SO important, LOL....

[Moonie]

Oh wow, that was brilliant. So many great lines in there. However much we try, we end up like debris...perhaps like the millions of sea shells that pile up on the beaches... I don't know why but the ending gave rise to that image in my mind.
This is perhaps one of the best poems I've read here on WC. Most excellently crafted!!
Though I am obsessed with punctuation when it comes to poems, this one manages to sound just fine without any. Maybe the lack of commas was there to make it sound like the re-echoing thoughts that plague our minds. If so, it works!! :))
I can't really find any fault in this one... thank you for sharing this lovely poem, Dale!
Saved into my library! :)

[samanthaashley_]

really interesting piece. I like your writing style and the detail.

[MsJewel]

I'm usually not a fan of darker writes, and yet, your words draw me in. Perhaps it is because there is so much truth here - there are so many things beyond our control in life and in the whole scope of things, we truly are powerless in the end.
Brilliant writing Dale.
:) Julie

[Matching Socks]

I think this is such a strong character write. I guess timing is everything, we need to be ready to step out of ourselves to really see ourselves and others.

[Stonz P.]

"My life disappeared, undisturbed"
What a line.. I feel that happening every day so I relate to it.

Sarcastic would be a strong word but this poem does have strong ironies sprinkled here and there which gives it the layers: just as life has, just as human perception has.

I liked the phrasings and there are many to quote.. why didn't I read this earlier..
And I really like how you end it.. we're nothing as humans.. a speck of dust has more worth in its world than we have on ours..
Great writing once again..

[Pushkar Prabhat]

at the beginning......end begins.
another masterful write......
i read and reread.........and it keeps getting better.....
you have gifted observation.....
amazing poetry.....
i loved it!!!
:)

[icelandicblue]

We are fading from the moment we land here and in the end, no matter how it ends, we all end up the same:

It’s the drawback of the wave,
Lying within that abandoned trough I will remain
Waiting for the tsunami’s courageous display
It is it’s relevanance upon that ridge of power
That ultimately fills my spirit, I wait

Reckless wild fury collects and pulls me away

Receding… I am only debris

[Emily]

Dale, this is so good! I really thought the bottom half of the poem really popped! Just tow really minor things, though: I looked up "orison" and the dictionary listed it as an noun, not an adjective. Also, in the 4th stanza, 4th line, the italicized "it's should be "its" Great work!

[Confuser]

Emily: Thank you so so much! You are a smart girl: Got to think about orison: my mind was saying "a praying (orison) soul: got to take a better look; and the it's...bam: when I re-read, I said, oh my (I KNEW THAT!!) You're so kind to help me!!!

[Emily]

Any time! :)

[Confuser]

Take care sweet girl...you're wonderful.

[Ana B.]

This is gorgeous and absolutely brilliant. Love the imaginery and association. It just has to go to my library Dale :) Wonderful work!

[R Smith]

great intro that really pulls us into this poem, dragging us down into its depths of life which you bring to life in great writing Dale, its clear you're on the path to being a top quality writer my opinion reinforced by the stunning climax to this totally enthralling work, excellent Dale, my praise and best wishes to you and your family :)