A Lost Valley...

Just stream of thoughts about the great depression; remembered pictures of sharecroppers wearing overalls; skinny kids/barely enough food to survive; greed played apart; landowners charged.....

The night’s moon climatic rise heightens twilights dance

 

Pines of great wisdom stand in recognition Pleading winds drive their burdens o’er the providence To men of character like those sheathed in past memories hail spheres of mercy spreading righteous seedlings Pollinating the iniquities of greed destroying the farmer’s families -

 

On two sides of meadows lavender lilacs rest pettles nudge titmouse searching above for morsels though’ barrow no yellow crumbs harvest time is done cleaving forlorn sun to return.

 

Land broken by children’s sweaty brows hand the ‘ol mule sorrows breathing in sighs melts skin opens up the sky to furrow blistered hands pushed to stake the land hoping raindrops fall to cool steaming hot southern knolls resting summers toll - back sunk into his gut nostrils filled with cloudy dust protest ruefully but harvest absorbs pleasure  - there be to feed a family, if there be a family to feed.   

 

Dreams of fruits to fill the hunger passes onto paths of soft mead beaten low by small bare feet anticipating cooling streams 'younder waiting evry’ side the forest's glow knowing whence they go; to estuaries’ fold molded by God’s soul above heightened merriment feeds the adorned meek- teary boy transforms, eyes clear as the liquid vale surrounding ripples reveling in youthful exuberance to expel a solitary fowl existence desires to dither and laugh with a peaceful cast multiplicities of sad pasts born within a lost valley of impoverished misfits no glances to demean blissfully admiring a whisper in confidence smiling gleefully at the moonlight in a water sanctuary.  

Author's Note

Any suggestions would be great. Thank you in advance for reading. Think I need to delete or rewrite the entire first stanza: Anyway...

Reviews

[Vria P Crow]

The ideas and poetic devices are sprawled across the page in the form of stream of conscience; its contents contain an important message. However, the interpretation could be at risk because of the format. It appears as prose poetry, but I think "A Lost Valley..." would benefit from the pause from the break in lines and stanzas while in free verse. The breaks in stanzas serve as a moment where the reader can digest what they have read; it provides focus.

Subjectively, the content revitalizes the struggle of farmer's families. "Greed" is a vital theme or "deadly sin" tat causes corruption; the rich feed off the poor, reaping the benefits as gluttonous leaders. "A Lost Valley" is comprised of vivid imagery; it creates something palpable for the reader. The description of child labor resonated with me at the end of the story; the youth evokes empathy and perhaps an understanding of the human condition.

Overall, I enjoyed this "stream of thoughts." I may return to it so that I can delve into its ambiguous word play. Please let me know if you would like me to give you an example of how you could break it into lines. If not, I respect your decision to dismiss it.

Thank you for sharing!

sin (cerely),
ria

[Confuser]

Ria Vero: Oh please do...so kind of you to offer. Thanks so much. Soon I hope. Dale...Be reading your work very soon! Promise...sleepy.

[Vria P Crow]

You are very welcome. I am pleased to help. Currently, I am sleepy as well so this shall be a next project for tomorrow. :P In addition, this poem reminds me of Walt Whitman's style since he wrote from his "stream of thoughts."

[Sami Khalil]

One of the worst times in America's history where a nation suffered so much but learned so much in the process. I admire your confidence of history and knowledge. Thumbs up...:)................

[Bright Ocean Star]

I love it. It is very poetic, with great rhythm and visual images. It sounds sort of like I'm reading something from an English Master, perhaps Keats or someone. Not sure, but it just has that feel to it for me. Very, very nice.

[Emily]

I think you should have broken up the poem a bit more, because otherwise it's a little hard to follow. Good write though!

[dan]

Dale, The Great Depression, the "Dust Bowl," all of the plights of the agricultural society that once dominated America's economy were caked dry by baking sun and drowned in torrents of spitting rain; reminds me of a John Mellancamp song about the modern day difficulties laying waste to the agrarian economy...he sang, "...rain on the scarecrow, blood on the plow.." The flow of this piece is definitely of the stream-of-consciousness ilk, and you manage to keep the flow alive with no interruption of the tone and timber of the piece. In my opinion the first stanza is just fine...if you do anything, tinker with some of the wording but the thrust of it introduces your theme nicely. Great write! take care...dan

[Terrence Chang]

Brilliant note Dale. Especially this line "Dreams of fruits to fill the hunger passes onto paths of soft mead beaten low by small bare feet anticipating cooling streams 'younder waiting evry’.” Cool write