There is great imagery here... The metaphor for the turtle I am unsure about whether it is positive or not at its core but I understand the woman is happy who is witnessing his disappearance... The last stanza is heartfelt and hits home..
Apart from minor touch ups, I find this to be a huge improvement from the last piece I read from you.. Nothing really that would not fit actually...This is really nice :) Way to go, Ma'am...
Lovely melancholy reverie; artful and smart.
Outstanding work, C!
Perhaps you should be giving the advice.
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
I can give advise on how not to bother a sea turtle, just watch. That's it. I'm learning here. Bu.. read moreI can give advise on how not to bother a sea turtle, just watch. That's it. I'm learning here. But I'm glad you liked it.
Dale, this was absolutely beautiful. The scene you painted in my mind this morning will stay with me for a long time. I adopt sea turtles every year and watch their progress on line. I love how you attached your daughter growing up and leaving home to the sea turtle finding its way in the vast ocean.
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Thank you so much! Was unsure about the first part, but the sea turtle was amazing! A crowd gathered.. read moreThank you so much! Was unsure about the first part, but the sea turtle was amazing! A crowd gathered -not a peep and we all clapped and cheered. I'm a nature freak, and thank you for what you do with those beautiful creatures - amazing. Tks.
This was just great Dale. So many parts made me smile and sigh and the end left the future to us the readers to decide. Its a tour de force from you Dale - truly it is.
Bravo
Um Now I'm really confused if it's a story of a Turtle and her lonely daughter ...But the beauty in every stanza it's like a puzzle pieces needs to get felt together ,It's a great imaginary ! I delt so warmed nd it took me to a island like really ! Wonderful : ))
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
ReD: Read it: she is walking on the beach; things on her mind and sees a turtle (I did see that once.. read moreReD: Read it: she is walking on the beach; things on her mind and sees a turtle (I did see that once, and there!); the turtle finally makes it to the ocean, quite difficult, he's gone: The character thinks of her daughter leaving home too; JUST READ!!!
oh haha now I got it ..what a talented design (jaw dropped) ! ; )
9 Years Ago
Don't worry about it! If you only knew how I think sometimes; my pen name should probably be CONFUS.. read moreDon't worry about it! If you only knew how I think sometimes; my pen name should probably be CONFUSED: just like Confuser, nothing to read into there. Love your writing. Tks for reading.
hello Dale I placed this one in my library because it is simply stunningly beautiful, you have the descriptive powers of a writer as high as King, not in the horror of his words but when he is writing a scene in one of his books he can takes us to places and make us live it as we read, you did this here, it was amazing, you have to accept my word now when i say you are a great writer :)
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
You are too kind; one day I may become a good writer and I do appreciate your heartfelt words. God .. read moreYou are too kind; one day I may become a good writer and I do appreciate your heartfelt words. God will guide me and reading and learning to write poetry does fill my heart. Thank you.
great Dale touched my heart, I loved the kind of sentiments you showed to your daughter in last phrases. Also look at the lines below,
She smiles and claps as he finally disappears.
His fight for life burned bright like fire’s ember,
Something she forgot but now fully remembers.
When he swam away into the warm summer
waves,
She thought of her daughter, young yet so
strong,
Leaving home one day, she too will be gone.
Loved those tremendously written lines.
'In your eyes' nice song sounded like indie music. Like Peter sang
In your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand
churches
I would like to sing for you
In Dale's pen
I see the doorway to a million wondrous imageries. Ha. ..
Keep it up.
armin. ...
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Armin, you are such a nice young man! I know your family is proud of you. Praying for prosperous N.. read moreArmin, you are such a nice young man! I know your family is proud of you. Praying for prosperous New Year for you and your family. Thank you; and thank you for singing Peter. G - very creative by the way (a beautiful song). Your song & his! You are growing up!
Very beautiful, it's hard to love a language and feel like we have the right means of eloquence when to voice the idea is not always sought after, it confuses us to know why it is a part of life at all sometimes I conjecture, when there are prizes associated with it, yet I wonder how to bring those rewards to others when I still seek to accomplish poetic achievement...what you are about here in the poem is not about that, it's more about capturing the life moment and sharing it with us, thanks,
Happily married with three wonderful children. The first poem I attempted was Paper Heart which I submitted here last year. People here have been so kind and encouraging! Their feedback and reading t.. more..