The trophy to feel complete, Without it they feel no peace. Like a hunter, the buck, and the rack,
So she savors, the tick tack, Tock tick, of a wind up clock, Growing inside the bones of her back, Carrying the weighted loads, Of past generations, foretold That mocked and grinned, Denying their sins.
The vanity they proudly display, Like a peacock, searching for a mate, Never finding their way,
Thieves that invade the innocent, Always seeking out the weak, To degrade, capture, and control, to fill that vacant empty soul,
They Grind and Gnash their teeth, for they shall never accept defeat,
Rationalizing, a weapon of comfort, Knowing they will always be alone, Inside those ancient crooked minds, created by fifthly swine, She will patiently bide her time.
The guilty hands of unworthy men, Their only desire to conquer, And its' never ending quest to be the best, But they know not what it is,
One day there will be a reckoning, One day tears will flow, Like rain, no rainbows.
This is the first piece of yours that i read, very nice imgary, message and diction, I could feel alot of power in your writing. The form was off beat which made me stumble quite abit, i guess that was intended in the frustation of the emotions raging in the poem. Very good writ...Thank you for sharing...
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Kenneth, so nice of you to read it. Sorry for the stumbling, saw something about abuse, go to sleep.. read moreKenneth, so nice of you to read it. Sorry for the stumbling, saw something about abuse, go to sleep watching those programs, ID discovering woke up and wrote it. Usually, I write quickly; still learning. Thank you for reading.
Jen, thank you so very much for reading. I'm sorry I haven't been able to read your stories lately... read moreJen, thank you so very much for reading. I'm sorry I haven't been able to read your stories lately. I do try to get to your poems. Thank you so much again.
10 Years Ago
your welcome yea ive been falling behind on read request so I turned them off for right now due to c.. read moreyour welcome yea ive been falling behind on read request so I turned them off for right now due to computer freezing up every time I try to read the poems and stuff .. I have to wait till I get down stairs or to the library to read read request
These lines made an impression of reality of anger..."They Grind and Gnash their teeth,
for they shall never accept defeat,
Rationalizing, a weapon of comfort,
Knowing they will always be alone,
Inside those ancient crooked minds,
created by fifthly swine,
She will patiently bide her time."
Beautiful lines and imagery..Thanks for sharing this excellent piece of art here.
I have to say this one is pretty intense.. I have had to read it three times, and must say I am a little blown away by the strength of passion I feel from it.. I love when a writer does that!.. It is definitely going into my favorites.. the flow was exquisite and power in the phrasing.... awesome writing ma'am..
on a side note:
(One day their will be a reckoning,)... did you mean "there?"
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
OMG, I actually submitted this, (first time contest) with an error. I wonder if I can change it; no.. read moreOMG, I actually submitted this, (first time contest) with an error. I wonder if I can change it; not that I would win. Oh no. Well so what, I 'll figure it out or not. April, I'm just getting started. Thank you so much for looking at it. Honestly, my feelings were hurt. I'm mena-freakin something/hot cold, sad, glad, hurt mad. Hey, maybe it will help me write. This is inside, this anger, and hurt; It is a well deserved anger. I hope I will find strength to push it out and it mean something; long overdue.
10 Years Ago
you can edit it and it not affect the contest.. it isn't over for judging yet is it?... and we all g.. read moreyou can edit it and it not affect the contest.. it isn't over for judging yet is it?... and we all get our feelings hurt, I can understand that.. this is a good way of letting it out.. I do it all the time.. I guess that is why I can relate to the passion I felt in here.. always better to get it all out, than to let it fester inside.. you're more than welcome.
a very passionate poem Dale, i wondered if it had anything to do with a subject we both saw on facebook about the man preaching how to treat women badly and that's putting it nicely!! Even if that's not the case its a remarkable piece of work, you have gone deep to purge such emotions from yourself and this is the example of how great a poet you are :)
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Richard, I missed the subject you're referring to on facebook - You know I am a Christian woman; may.. read moreRichard, I missed the subject you're referring to on facebook - You know I am a Christian woman; maybe God was listening, if it is good, I wrote this in about 45 minutes max. Actually, I stopped, in the same file, was writing about the birth of my daughter and just changed - I was angry; my x-husband was TERRIBLE!! I'm so glad you liked it. I was really nervous about it.
One day their will be a reckoning---cld be given conntation "wreck" + "awning" though not main context
One day tears will flow,---------------- can be a warning when we are feeling too upbeat at at a wrong time
Like rain, no rainbows.-----------------**the best line ever; I thought there would be rainbows but no just rain
"Rationalizing, a weapon of comfort,
Knowing they will always be alone,
Inside those ancient crooked minds,
created by fifthly swine,
She will patiently bide her time.
The guilty hands of unworthy men,
Their only desire to conquer,
And its' never ending quest to be the best,
But they know not what it is,
One day their will be a reckoning,
One day tears will flow,
Like rain, no rainbows."
so powerful...............definite yet layer under layers!!!
Brilliant writing again!!
i loved it!!!!
:)
Happily married with three wonderful children. The first poem I attempted was Paper Heart which I submitted here last year. People here have been so kind and encouraging! Their feedback and reading t.. more..