DEGRADATION

control, loss, retribution, pride, repression

DEGRADATION

The trophy to feel complete,
Without it they feel no peace.
Like a hunter, the buck,
and the rack,

So she savors, the tick tack,
Tock tick, of a wind up clock,
Growing inside the bones of her back,
Carrying the weighted loads,
Of past generations, foretold
That mocked and grinned,
Denying their sins.

The vanity they proudly display,
Like a peacock, searching for a mate,
Never finding their way,

Thieves that invade the innocent,
Always seeking out the weak,
To degrade, capture, and control,
to fill that vacant empty soul,

They Grind and Gnash their teeth,
for they shall never accept defeat,

Rationalizing, a weapon of comfort,
Knowing they will always be alone,
Inside those ancient crooked minds,
created by fifthly swine,
She will patiently bide her time.

The guilty hands of unworthy men,
Their only desire to conquer,
And its' never ending quest to be the best,
But they know not what it is,

One day there will be a reckoning,
One day tears will flow,
Like rain, no rainbows.

Reviews

[Kenneth Nicholas Lowe]

This is the first piece of yours that i read, very nice imgary, message and diction, I could feel alot of power in your writing. The form was off beat which made me stumble quite abit, i guess that was intended in the frustation of the emotions raging in the poem. Very good writ...Thank you for sharing...

[Confuser]

Kenneth, so nice of you to read it. Sorry for the stumbling, saw something about abuse, go to sleep watching those programs, ID discovering woke up and wrote it. Usually, I write quickly; still learning. Thank you for reading.

[TL Boehm]

The guilty hands of unworthy men. I really like the way that line flows and a nod to the message contained in the piece as a whole. It speaks to me of birthing a legacy of living a life and seeing what we see as we age. Well done

[Workvio]

This piece is tragically and very sadly, beautifully written. Not sure why I get the vibes and message that my heart receives, as it may have nothing to do with that which your heart actually intended to set to page, but I sense the plight of a woman, women, young ladies, sought by men over the ages to be used and consumed as prizes in proving their prowess and manhood, feeding their lusts and appetites never saited, time after time, in degrading and defaming girl after girl, woman after woman, with never a thought for anything or anyone but their own pleasure, most especially not that of their current victim of attention and consumption in proving themselves, indeed, men ... If I have missed it, forgive me, but this is what is stirred in my old man heart, a man of mush ...

[anne]

this is really so smooth...very clear to the point and poured with wonderful thoughts...I loved these lines...
The guilty hands of unworthy men,
Their only desire to conquer,
And its' never ending quest to be the best,
But they know not what it is,

One day there will be a reckoning,
One day tears will flow,
Like rain, no rainbows.

[IzzyFBB]

Loved it! Especially the part about there being a day of reckoning. I hate thieves too, always taking from the hardworking. Great poem!

[Stonz P.]

The rhyme is okay but the meter could have been more strict. I'm not too keen on meter and rhyme so I don't take much interest in it except when there is good poetry.
The imagery is quite thought provoking and especially the stanza:

'Rationalizing, a weapon of comfort,
Knowing they will always be alone,
Inside those ancient crooked minds,
created by fifthly swine,
She will patiently bide her time.'

I myself believe rationality is dangerous so it struck out to me.
The flow is good too.

[Confuser]

I truly appreciate your review. Oh, I adore the critics. I'm quite new to writing and if I wanted applause, I would have joined the circus. I simply want to want well. Thank you. I truly appreciate it.

[armin]

oooh ,much interesting you articulate the words and phrase them. Quite scientific like authors and different from a poetic style. Although last stanza was lovely. But if I have to pick the best lines out of this piece, it'll be
They Grind and Gnash their teeth,
for they shall never accept defeat,
Rationalizing, a weapon of comfort,
Knowing they will always be alone,
Inside those ancient crooked minds,
created by fifthly swine,
She will patiently bide her time.
Much anger in those lines, well crafted. And I have to say you are a bit confuser, well in a good sense. Do tell me about my new work too. I'll love that.
Have a nice time.

[Sanjh]

Very strong poem, expressing alot of anger and sadness.
Great work, it was a pleasure reading it...:)

[Luximir]

Wow! I loved this! So well written, it really made me not want to stop reading, the ending, really was the icing on the cake: Like rain, no rainbows... I LOVE IT!

[Confuser]

With that beautiful smile, I cannot imagine anything, you wouldn't like, maybe worms....I'm DaleSpringsMitchum, if you use facebook. Not on there often. Thank you. I loved your story; oh just remembered it again. "I've killed my brother." Wow.

[Luximir]

haha, well, I don't know, I might still smile haha
I do use Facebook. Oh thank you! I am glad you enjoyed it so much, I enjoyed your poem more though, the ending gave me shivers! It was awesome! :)

[Confuser]

I just began writing; don't usually know where I'm going (hear me, like I'm been doing this forever) HA - Anyway.....It did sound like a RECKONING! I'll do part 2, and pull out my chain saw!

[Luximir]

I also just began writing, about a few months ago, just recently joined this site again.
I would love to read a part 2 :)

[Confuser]

Well I really didn't think of that until just then, but I wonder what she could do with those swine? Thank you, gonna think about it. I've only written what's here, but you have the ability to become a great, great writer. I've not attempted a story yet. That's harder, I think???

[Luximir]

Haha there are many things you could do with swine :D
Thank you very much for your kind words, making me blush haha

I like stories more, but, I kinda throw in poetry a little... my writings are a little weird, actually this site has been kind, most people really dislike how I write haha

[Confuser]

I've never been on any other site. If people can't say nice things, keep that trap shut!!! Now, I do want to change my profile and put, I would have became a clown and joined the Circus if I wanted Applause. So I cherise when people give me kind advise. There are people here that do that. I hope you will like it here. Anyway...I'm gonna cuddle up with my doggies. Guten Tag!

[Luximir]

Guten Tag! I do not mind criticism at all haha. I like it here already... and lucky you that you have doggies :D

[Confuser]

Honey, I love my baby doggies; even though Pizza's pretty big. Louie hair needs grooming, but he so frightened. Anyway....let's talk again. Have a great nite.