Be as harsh as possible when critiquing this piece, if you please. Also, appreciation to those who include specifics about what they liked/disliked the most about the poem.
Gratitude,
-Confidential
My Review
Would you like to review this Poem? Login | Register
I have no "harsh" comments to leave you....in fact, I really loved this piece. I agree with each and every word. This world is going in a downward direction and so many people know the statistics... they know of the wars, they know of the hate... they know of the crime... they know of the demorilazation... they know of the struggles. Yet, they embrace the very things that are bringing about the demise of peace and morality...and simple human decency. Sure, they sit back and ask "why" or " how"... then they go out and do the very things they question.
This is a magnificent, deep write. I love the alternating rhyme scheme - ABAB/ABAA/AABB this lends an excellent rhythmn to the poem. I also like the repetition, that drives the point home and really makes us feel like this is OUR WORLD...
Thank you so much for sharing this... you have a true soul and this write is a favorite for me.
My favorite sentence is "In a world where 'teamwork' means 'gather and conspire'". I do feel like we are always told to be a part of a team, to co-operate but it is really about competition and less about community.
I like the way you wrote that. Yeah...I guess that's just life. And...you did give some good examples. Like some nice rollercoaster ride. So,...I think it's in our nature to screw up.
I really thought the build up to the end of this piece was going to be too much, however, it was exactly right. The final stanza is nothing short of poetic. Magnificent read.
"In a world where sex, drugs, and money are the only paths to bliss
I can't help but look around, and wonder, "How did it come to this?""
I truly enjoyed this ending. The reality of this world does imply those things are what will lead us to happiness. However, truth will prevail and show us an alternative. The mind does wander and explore the possibilities presented with how humanity got to the current state. Many events have contributed to the current state, but certain ones seem to have had a bigger impact. This poem dives deep and enables the reader to think beyond the words which have been written. This is the type of poem a reader will one day remember. They might be having a conversation about a rise in drug arrests or something along those lines. They will then be able to reflect back on this poem. Poems can be easily forgotten, but I feel as though this one is not one of those. The depth you are able to provide is truly astounding and I would surely read others you have written in hopes of having a similar experience. Excellent poem and quality!
This was a fantastic piece, I love the way you managed to portray your frustration at the world, which I think a lot of people can relate to. Excellent word choices, the only way I think it could be improved is if it flowed a little better in the second verse, but I do still love the word choices for that part. The rest flows very nicely, and kudos to you for getting it to rhyme, rhyming is such a challenge.
At first while reading the repeated approach it seemed tired but it stands because when I came to the end and it broke from the repetitive form into chaos it made complete sense. I don't know if that was your intention but that is what I got from it. I enjoyed this. I'd say an accurate description of the current state of affairs in the world.
"I can't help but look around, watching this madness unfold
As the last good man finally falls, as evil takes hold
In a world where sex, drugs, and money are the only paths to bliss
I can't help but look around, and wonder, 'How did it come to this?' "
I just love this! ^This part most defenitly! (told you I couldn't spell)
:P
And it's so truuee! The world sucks!:D