In a World Where...

In a world of 6 billion tortured souls

In a world with no respect for young or old

In a world where lives are lost over oil, and coals

In a world driven by the quest for silver and gold

 

In a world where it matters who builds the tallest tower

In a world not ruled by the power of love,

In a world ruled by the love of power

In a world where it's always someone's darkest hour

 

In a world where lives needlessly get torn asunder

In a world someone always wants to light afire

In a world where we kill at the promise of plunder

In a world where 'teamwork' means 'gather and conspire'

 

I can't help but look around, watching this madness unfold

As the last good man finally falls, as evil takes hold

In a world where sex, drugs, and money are the only paths to bliss

I can't help but look around, and wonder, "How did it come to this?"

Author's Note

Be as harsh as possible when critiquing this piece, if you please. Also, appreciation to those who include specifics about what they liked/disliked the most about the poem.

Gratitude,
-Confidential

Reviews

[Onyx_Rayne]

I have no "harsh" comments to leave you....in fact, I really loved this piece. I agree with each and every word. This world is going in a downward direction and so many people know the statistics... they know of the wars, they know of the hate... they know of the crime... they know of the demorilazation... they know of the struggles. Yet, they embrace the very things that are bringing about the demise of peace and morality...and simple human decency. Sure, they sit back and ask "why" or " how"... then they go out and do the very things they question.

This is a magnificent, deep write. I love the alternating rhyme scheme - ABAB/ABAA/AABB this lends an excellent rhythmn to the poem. I also like the repetition, that drives the point home and really makes us feel like this is OUR WORLD...

Thank you so much for sharing this... you have a true soul and this write is a favorite for me.

Bravo..and superb writing :)

[ThistoShallPass]

My favorite sentence is "In a world where 'teamwork' means 'gather and conspire'". I do feel like we are always told to be a part of a team, to co-operate but it is really about competition and less about community.

[Rochelle Delaine]

I like the way you wrote that. Yeah...I guess that's just life. And...you did give some good examples. Like some nice rollercoaster ride. So,...I think it's in our nature to screw up.

[Ken Adams]

I really thought the build up to the end of this piece was going to be too much, however, it was exactly right. The final stanza is nothing short of poetic. Magnificent read.

[nfyd]

The ending on this poem is truly magnificent.

"In a world where sex, drugs, and money are the only paths to bliss
I can't help but look around, and wonder, "How did it come to this?""

I truly enjoyed this ending. The reality of this world does imply those things are what will lead us to happiness. However, truth will prevail and show us an alternative. The mind does wander and explore the possibilities presented with how humanity got to the current state. Many events have contributed to the current state, but certain ones seem to have had a bigger impact. This poem dives deep and enables the reader to think beyond the words which have been written. This is the type of poem a reader will one day remember. They might be having a conversation about a rise in drug arrests or something along those lines. They will then be able to reflect back on this poem. Poems can be easily forgotten, but I feel as though this one is not one of those. The depth you are able to provide is truly astounding and I would surely read others you have written in hopes of having a similar experience. Excellent poem and quality!

[reibirb]

This was a fantastic piece, I love the way you managed to portray your frustration at the world, which I think a lot of people can relate to. Excellent word choices, the only way I think it could be improved is if it flowed a little better in the second verse, but I do still love the word choices for that part. The rest flows very nicely, and kudos to you for getting it to rhyme, rhyming is such a challenge.

[Neshia]

Your poem honestly puts our world in to words and its sad to see that this is what has become of people today
Great poem thought

[Joshua Thomas]

At first while reading the repeated approach it seemed tired but it stands because when I came to the end and it broke from the repetitive form into chaos it made complete sense. I don't know if that was your intention but that is what I got from it. I enjoyed this. I'd say an accurate description of the current state of affairs in the world.

[SilentDreamer]

So honest it's beautiful but so sad to think that it has come to that. Where is this world headed?

[Psychopath^-^]

"I can't help but look around, watching this madness unfold
As the last good man finally falls, as evil takes hold
In a world where sex, drugs, and money are the only paths to bliss
I can't help but look around, and wonder, 'How did it come to this?' "

I just love this! ^This part most defenitly! (told you I couldn't spell)
:P
And it's so truuee! The world sucks!:D

--Fallyn(:

[Forever Mine]

I too have no hard criticism, This is a perfect piece for an all to real problem.