The Yellow Death (Riding the School Bus)

The Yellow Death (Riding the School Bus)

A Story by Briana Noël Manzano
"

A satirical vignette I wrote about my experience with bus transportation growing up going to public school.

"

I walk in measured circles as I wait for The Bus, studying my feet.
One foot in front of the other.
Turn.
One foot in front of the other.
Turn.
One foot in front of the other.
Turn.
I quicken my pace, and watch as my feet blur and the pavement spins. I become dizzy and start to wobble with each foot-fall. For a moment, I want to collapse to the ground, and just lie there for the rest of my life, staring at the cotton-and-feather clouds. But I can’t; there are Kids waiting for The Bus on The Other Side of the Street. They might pelt me with miscellanea if I stay too still.
I hear the deep rumbling of an old engine as The Cancerous Yellow Rectangle That Takes Me to School, also known as The Bus, rounds the corner. The Rectangle groans, slowing down as it approaches us, then coming to a screeching halt. It emits a tired sigh as the doors open and The Kids on The Other Side of the Street begin to climb aboard. I follow behind.
I carefully climb each step onto The Yellow Death, making sure not to fall. I make my way down the aisle, simultaneously scanning for an uninfected seat away from the cancer-spreading tobacco-spitters and watching the floor for unexpected obstacles, humans and/or substances.
I locate an unoccupied seat; so far so good. I sink down so that the back of my head is not visible and/or vulnerable to the people behind me. I pull my hood up just in case. I take out my Walkman, stuff the earphones in my ears, and turn up the volume to warily drown out the cacophony of the primates surrounding me.
If anyone calls my name, I will not be able to hear. If anyone taps me on the shoulder, I will pretend to be asleep. Turn around at your own risk: feces will be flung.

© 2015 Briana Noël Manzano


My Review

Would you like to review this Story?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Very enjoyable to read. I like your style. The capitalization can be slightly jarring, but it fits well to the child-like, almost feverish feeling of the story. The descriptions are fresh and detailed, but also very well characterized to the child's experience (I guess that's your experience!)

All in all, it's a wonderful little vignette. The only thing that bothers me is the final sentence, which is a somewhat blunt ending to the otherwise well stylized text. The sentence is left hanging awkwardly in the air, unexplained.

But as I said, I enjoyed this thoroughly. The short length is also very nice. Great write!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Briana Noël Manzano

9 Years Ago

Thank you very much for the review! I appreciate the compliments, as well as the constructive critic.. read more



Reviews

Far too intelligent to be hanging out with "primates". Your "strangeness" will be a blessing to a few and a paradox to many...Good job!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Briana Noël Manzano

8 Years Ago

Few of my peers appreciate my "strangeness", but with companions I've always believed in quality ove.. read more
Tastefully manufactured and beautifully written.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Briana Noël Manzano

9 Years Ago

Thank you!
Very enjoyable to read. I like your style. The capitalization can be slightly jarring, but it fits well to the child-like, almost feverish feeling of the story. The descriptions are fresh and detailed, but also very well characterized to the child's experience (I guess that's your experience!)

All in all, it's a wonderful little vignette. The only thing that bothers me is the final sentence, which is a somewhat blunt ending to the otherwise well stylized text. The sentence is left hanging awkwardly in the air, unexplained.

But as I said, I enjoyed this thoroughly. The short length is also very nice. Great write!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Briana Noël Manzano

9 Years Ago

Thank you very much for the review! I appreciate the compliments, as well as the constructive critic.. read more
Your writing is beautiful! I love the atypical use of capitalization in this piece and your descriptions in general.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Briana Noël Manzano

9 Years Ago

Thank you!

Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

316 Views
4 Reviews
Rating
Added on November 20, 2015
Last Updated on November 20, 2015
Tags: bus, satire, public school, public transportation, antisocial, vignette

Author

Briana Noël Manzano
Briana Noël Manzano

Lynchburg, VA



About
What's the point of putting on outerwear that you're just going to discardigan? more..

Writing