Prologue

My interpretation of Schizophrenia and the professionals' beliefs. This is also the mention of the characters and the beginning of the story.

     Schizophrenia. A word that comes with confusion and misunderstanding. Many people ask questions when this word is mentioned. Many of the questions I hear are: "What comes with it?" "How do you feel about having a sister with it?" "How do you deal?" "What can you tell us about it?"  Truth is, I don't really have any answers for those questions. As far as my feelings towards it and how I deal I don't really know.

      I guess my feelings toward schizophrenia is the same as anyone else who either has it or lives with someone who has it life is never boring.  Life... it can be very hard to live sometimes also. Okay, want to know my feelings toward this word?  Fine. But I warn nothing is good.
     Schizophrenia is a word I despise. I hate this word more than any other disorder that flows through my family like the plague. Schizophrenia makes my life a living hell. It makes me look over my shoulder all the time, as I said, life is never boring. This disorder makes troubles hard and happy times even harder. Someone comes home with a ring on their finger and the schizo has to try to ruin it somehow some way. My life has been ruined time and time again because of the schizophrenia in my sister.
     But... do I hold it against her? Do I hate her because of something she has no control over? Even I ask those questions. Even as I lie in the same bed with her, staring at her as she sleeps soundly, just wishing I could see into that crazy mind of hers. Just to get a glimpse of what runs through it. Wondering if she'll awake as soon as I fall asleep and put my guard down and try something, anything. Yes, I'll be honest, I'm terrified of my own sister. She may be younger and weaker but she is crazy. I don't know my own feelings toward her but that one emotion, I know for a fact, I have toward her. Well,  that and pity. I don't know how she feels about herself but her actions tell me that she's not happy. Is that why she tries so much and hurt everyone around her?  I don't know and don't think I'll ever know.
     "I'm sorry." A sentence I try to tell her everyday. Sorry, sorry for what? I don't even know, but I feel that she wants to hear it. Maybe that's what she wants, people to pity her. Maybe, just maybe, that explains why she is the way she is. She wants attention and she gets it any way she can, good or bad, small or great. But, then... why does she push everyone away when they try?  Dear little sister, one who cries when you think no one hears, why do you hurt so bad? Why do you hate so much? What can, the angel of your heart, do to make you feel better?
     "She's such a weirdo." "How can anyone go near her?" "You may want to be careful, I hear her sister has a big problem." These things I have heard when I was little. I even hear them now, except they now can say schizophrenia. I can remember walking in the school grounds alone just hoping for someone to come up to me and say, "hi". It never happened though. I'll be honest, I hated my sister for this, I believed it was her fault that I was so alone and hurt. I can remember lying awake replaying the day before and hating her more and more. Swearing that she'll pay for my pain, but never did I know how true I was.
     Some odd years later, I found out that my mother has schizophrenia and so does my sister. Which leaves me, the other twin sister, and our youngest sister out of the equation. Granted, our father doesn't have any disorders, but does that really say that we are in the clear?  Do we have schizophrenia and not know it?  What can we do if we do have it?  Will we be as bad as the sister? What will life be like for all of us?  Who knows, I could be insane right now and not even know it, what a scary thought.