Journal- July 15, 2009

WHOA!!! I havent wrote a journal in like 5 days!! damm a lots been going on lately ive just been forgeting about it.

" All hope abandon ye who enter here"

      I havent been sleeping much these days, been finding out stuff i never wanted to know, especially about myself, finding out that people can change from a sweet angel to a cold hearted person just over something so small and non important. And trying to figure out what are jokes and what is serious. Such a f*****g shame but whatever everyone still thinks im all emo over eveything thats happening which is what i rather have them think then get all pissed at me for not caring. Everyday i find it harder to. I sold myself to him cause its what they wanted , now they hate me for it. B******s. Ugh but i cant blame them, god damm freak is all i am. All i have ever been, a f*****g freak, even with the weird people i dont belong. Im fucked up to everyone , they dont know who the real me is, hell i dont even know who i really am. I've told so many lies. My life is just a story. hell in realitly im f*****g insane! Im having nightmares about six legged creatures ripping apart my body while eveyone i know just stand there. Just staring at me, f**k im alone, I hate being alone. Im scared to be alone. F**k i think im gonna die alone. No not in that darkness. Wont someone tell me im fine!!!! F**K. Jesus christ wont save me. but i cant tell anyone this cuz they all got s**t of there own. hell one of them is preg. is that a joke??? who the f**k knows. but if it isnt damm i feel f*****g worse. Why am i such an a*****e?? Im hiding behind this smile again, now its more like a smirk, Im someone different, hopefully they will find that out, or know, im not the same person, hes taken over, at least im still here somewhere, god will they even believe me if i told them? f**k              

 

    Peace

                  Nick A.