Chapter 1

From the journal of Alim Jalizet Gregorio III:

            I am the crimson conquistador Alim Jalizet Gregorio III. My duty is to my Queen and the country of Yligup, and I perform my duty with the knowledge that I am backed by the Seven Gods who have given us their blessing to claim all land we find as our own. This is my first voyage into unknown territory. I go willingly and enthusiastically, but there is some sadness as I leave the shores of my homeland behind.

            The princess, Lacey Bonnie Tipsy Gipsy IX, has graced me with her presence on this journey. When she heard that I was going away and might never return she begged the Queen to go with me. When the Queen said no, she threw a fit that was so embarrassing to the royal family that her mother was forced to send her away with me. I don’t know exactly what the princess did that was bad enough to be sent away, and she has not been forthcoming about the details, but I am not complaining. The official story is that Princess Lacey is to rule the new territory and act as the eyes and ears of the Queen, and I am to be her bodyguard. The actual truth is that Lacey and I have a budding romance that we’ve been fortunate to keep under wraps. Had we been found out I would have lost my head…literally.

            Another thing that did give me a great comfort, other than the company of the princess, was I got to pick my crew. Naturally, I chose the men and women I had served with the longest. They were like family to me, and I trusted each crewmember with my life. The nearest and dearest to me was my first mate, Samuel the man-sized eggplant. We had been on more adventures than I could count and had gotten out of so many tight situations I’d swear it was only by the grace of the Seven Gods. I had a feeling that this trip was going to be another one of those adventures.

            The Queen was generous enough to give us the best ship in the fleet, the USS Dragqueen Magoo. She was the fastest and the most heavily armed ship a captain could ask for. Had the princess not been a part of the crew I’m sure we would not have gotten such a vessel. She was a blessing for me in more ways than one.

            So it was on the thirty-eighth day of the month of Kazoo in the year 3857 CBTB that we set sail in the Kool-Aid Ocean for destinations unknown in a quest of manifest destiny. It would be the last time I saw the shores of my homeland, but I would eventually come to terms with that. Eventually.

 

 

 

Reviews

[TL Boehm]

Oh man. the names alone are a hoot. You're mad or brilliant or something. Maybe all of it.

[Commanda Panda]

It gets stranger. Trust me.