Broken Promises

When someone says that they'll be there but then they aren't

            Loneliness.

            I hated that feeling. Sitting on the couch with my knees tucked up against my chest as my arms were wrapped around my legs, I let out a long sigh as my head dropped so that it was resting atop of my knees.

            I was woken from my thoughts as I felt a soft hand graze against my shoulder. My breath caught in my throat; I didn’t need to look up to know who it was. Without a word, he sat down on the couch behind me, sliding his legs on either side of me as he wrapped his lanky arms around my torso, bringing me back to rest against his chest.

            “Hi love,” he whispered into my ear before he nuzzled his nose against the crook of my neck, making me slightly shiver.

            I couldn’t contain the smile that broke out onto my face as well as the butterflies floating around in my stomach after hearing just those two words. “Hi hon.”

            With another sigh, I took my arms and placed them on top of his, finding his hand and entwining our fingers together as I tilted my head to the side, resting it against his shoulder while inhaling the scent that was purely him.

            “What’s wrong?” I heard him ask softly.

            “What makes you think something’s wrong?” I asked, turning my head so that I was looking at him.

            “I know you sweetheart. So please tell me?” he said with a plea in his voice as his teeth gently grazed over my earlobe.

            “I’m worried… about us. It just… feels like we’re drifting apart. I don’t want that to happen. I’m so scared,” I whispered as my throat constricted, the feeling of wanting to cry suddenly surging to the surface.

            “Shush,” he whispered fiercely before placing a kiss on my cheek and then rested his head on my shoulder. “I love you, you know that, and I won’t let us drift apart. You mean everything to me, and I’ll never let you go. I promise.”

            “I’ll hold you to that,” I whispered before fully stretching my legs out on the couch before entwining our legs together.

            “Good,” I felt him smile as he pressed a soft kiss to my head.

            We just stayed there like that, wrapped in each other’s embrace, just enjoying each other’s company as I heard the gentle beat of his heart. That right there was the greatest moment in the world, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

 

            But promises are meant to be broken. Just like my heart. He promised that he would never let me go, but he did.

            He let me go like I was nothing. He didn’t even bother to tell me goodbye. And the worst part was, I can’t hate him.

            I so desperately want to. To curse his name, shout profanities at him, show any signs of anger. But damn this cursed heart for loving him too much. For caring too much to not be able to let me be. For not being able to let go.

            So here I sit with a broken heart, just wondering. Wondering why he left, why he didn’t feel as if I was worth saying goodbye to. Wondering why one day he told me that he loved me and was completely gone the next. Wondering if he even feels a smidge of the pain that I’m still going through, or if he even cares. Wondering what happened to my gentleman who mentally berated himself just because he missed one of my phone calls.

            Wondering how I can be so unlovable.

            I hate being alone.