A World Unsiezed

This life is not what I had expected. Not anymore. So much taken for granted over the years, so many things I let pass me by, and never once did I appreciate any of it. Not the beautiful colors, not the helping hands, nor the passionate feeling of love for this world, that used to burn so endlessly in my chest. The damage is done, but how does this help? Filled with too much obligation to end this, I just want to breathe. Want to capture the the voices that float upon the wings of the wind, press them to my close to me,  and hear their stories of places far away from here. I cannot bring myself to change. I can no longer pull myself out of this hole, no longer find the strength to continue stumbling blindly in the world of smiles and hidden pain. I'm on my own in this nothingness, I never was a good swimmer. My arms flail blindly, always looking for something, anything, to help me. I want to...I need to, but I can't call out for help. My own being won't allow it. Not the voices in my head, nor the pride in my heart. Do you see this girl - smiling and laughing as always? She's a fake. A phony, nothing's real or special about her. Nothing,  but the melancholy. I don't need the feeling of relief from anyone else. I don't need the warmth of love anymore. I ease myself with slips of silver, I love others in place of myself. Whether for revenge or some last cry, whether from self-loathing or confusion, I do not know. No once upon a time or happy endings. I'm masked by children with the colors of life flashing through my equilibrium. Taking taste after taste of the flashes, never to be satisfied. Please forgive me, for I have sinned. A wolf cannot blow this down, nor a knight break it in. I sealed it shut, so not a creak of sun or sound can be fed to the small, defenseless child I have sealed away behind this wall of happiness. Never to unleash her rage upon others, never to share her fear and sorrow, but to sit there, and pretend to be naught. Hide away, and never show herself to the world, lest she be hurt once again. There is nothing here. Just distant distortion of a world unseized.

Author's Note

Bleh