What a beautiful and heartfelt message for the people of France. I can tell you really feel an international solidarity.
"But people of France, now hear this
Let the prayers of earth become the smoke above your city
Let our retaliation be known, furiously and gritty"
That part was AWESOME.
"Let the nations of one world stand together as a committee."
And that line falls flat. Because of the word "committee." Committees aren't exciting. No one is like, "The committee is here! We're saved!"
Maybe instead, "As we, one world, stand in solidarity."
I don't know. Just not committee. Also, I would say "furious and gritty" instead of furiously and gritty. They're both adjectives that way.
I also wouldn't spell Paris like "Paree." The French way to say it is the write way to say it, and the French way to spell it is the right way to Spell it.
Overall, I think the verses can be made shorter and more concise and would sound more powerful to the reader that way.
This is beautifully written Colton,
My heart is for Paris and I hope Isis will be taken to justice,
Plus we have anonymous on our side
Your friend,
Shadowkai
Posted 9 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
Thank you so much, my friend! I appreciate your kind words here. They are indeed on our side but we .. read moreThank you so much, my friend! I appreciate your kind words here. They are indeed on our side but we need more. We need every single human to stand together as one against the growing shadow. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate you giving this a read!
Nice write Colton........... Y don't people understand..their greed, anger and hate in the name of anything and everything....is the only thing that eating up this world.... :(
Posted 9 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
Archana, your words are the exact truth. These individuals have been brainwashed and warped into bel.. read moreArchana, your words are the exact truth. These individuals have been brainwashed and warped into believing that their lives must be dedicated to destroying other peoples lives, when it is only their own and their own culture that they are destroying. We must all come together as one unified effort to cast out these individuals and restore peace to our world. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate you giving this a read!
This truly is a beautiful poem, And I agree with everything you mentioned in it. We do need to fight for peace, To cleanse the world of the people who wish to destroy the fragile system that holds us all together. Great job!!
Posted 9 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
Thank you so much, Mar-Mar! I appreciate your kind and encouraging words. I'm glad you enjoyed this .. read moreThank you so much, Mar-Mar! I appreciate your kind and encouraging words. I'm glad you enjoyed this poem and the message it contains. We must all come together as one and fight for our natural right of peace and freedom. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate you giving this a read!
This poem was genuinely chilling. Lots of oversight and insight as well. I want to write you more, but am on my way out.
Posted 9 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
Thank you very much, Wesley! I am humbled by your kind and encouraging words. I'm glad you enjoyed t.. read moreThank you very much, Wesley! I am humbled by your kind and encouraging words. I'm glad you enjoyed this piece and the message it contains. Thanks for giving this a read!
Thanks for the kind thoughts, Andrew! Days of uncertainty are very much upon us. I agree. We must al.. read moreThanks for the kind thoughts, Andrew! Days of uncertainty are very much upon us. I agree. We must all come together as one to restore balance back to our world. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and thank you so much for giving this a read!
Unfortunate that we live in a world where religion has become synonymous with killings rather than peace... wonder whom they want to rule... dead bodies? Due to some b******s the whole community suffers... they should realize that they are not doing any good to their religion.. they are making it tough for the innocents to survive.....
My friend, your words are beyond truth. And I couldn't agree more with them. We must all come togeth.. read moreMy friend, your words are beyond truth. And I couldn't agree more with them. We must all come together and work to restore the image of religion and cast out these individuals whom plot against destroying it and innocent lives. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate you giving this a read!
A subject that evokes emotions pure, this is very well written.
Posted 9 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
Thank you very much, Leslie! I'm glad you could feel the emotion in both this piece and yourself whe.. read moreThank you very much, Leslie! I'm glad you could feel the emotion in both this piece and yourself when reading it. Thank you for the kind words and thank you so much for giving this a read!
I thought this was absolutely, utterly perfect for my very own reasons. I mean, this was just so touching on many different levels, I'm a writer and nearly speechless.
Thank you for sharing.
Posted 9 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
Than you so very much, my dear! Your words are humbling and encouraging. I appreciate the kind revie.. read moreThan you so very much, my dear! Your words are humbling and encouraging. I appreciate the kind review. I'm glad you enjoyed this piece on so many levels. That is amazing to hear. Thank you for reading my work!
Great poem carrying a very powerful message in light of the tragic events that occurred in Oaris. I very much like the structure of the poem, and how you easliy covey your message and personal emotions whilst calling the world to arms over cowardly attacks like this. This poem is very engaging and well written.
Posted 9 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
Thank you so much, Alexandra! I appreciate your kind words! I'm glad you enjoyed this piece and its .. read moreThank you so much, Alexandra! I appreciate your kind words! I'm glad you enjoyed this piece and its strong message. We must all come together as one in order to cast out such individuals. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and thank you for giving this a read!
Interesting. well, i give my prayers and love to them from Africa. Although war over anything resulted in only a change in tactics and destruction. Your intentions a good although the element of vengeance for me (in this line " our vengeance will be just") has never been something to be sought. despite that, this poem is utmost beauty, a lotus blooming and standing victorious in the garden of poetry that deserves the views of the world. this is definitely a winning piece in anyone's heart. Do keep writing.
Posted 9 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
Thank you so much, Sam! Forgive me for taking so long to get back with you. I appreciate you sharing.. read moreThank you so much, Sam! Forgive me for taking so long to get back with you. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts here. I agree, I am not usually one to jump to some sort of violent reaction to certain events. But these attacks will not stop until they are stopped. Meaning, they will not just go away. We all must band together and move against these individuals who mean to terrorize every city across the map. I just don't want people to wait until their city is attacked before they move to action. I am humbled by your kind words, Sam. It means a lot that you enjoyed this piece and have said what you said about it. Thank you so much for stopping by and giving this a read!
8 Years Ago
Its a pleasure. The world should start becoming one large community instead of the division we face