Mirage

Marital affairs might seemingly at first appear fine and fun-packed until they become problematic.

By Stanley Collymore

 

You talk constantly and conveniently

of your undying love for me and as

well fancifully speculate about us

sharing the future together, stubbornly

refusing at the same time to even fleetingly

acknowledge let alone plan for the major upheaval

that such a scenario would bring about not only

in our two lives but also that of our respective

spouse, neither of whom is remotely aware

of what we’re secretly up to behind their

backs; and that makes me feel quite

uncomfortable, terribly guilty

and decidedly dirty!

 

For although I entered this clandestine

relationship with you of my own free

will and likewise with my eyes

wide opened, I none the less knew

perfectly well at the time that I was no

longer in love with my wife and was simply

waiting for the most convenient moment to

tell her this; that our marriage, from my

perspective, was well and truly over

and I wanted to end it; something

which I’d honestly confided

in you from the very onset

of our marital affair.

 

You said you understood for your situation

was very similar to that of my own, then

conscientiously and persuasively you

set about to and actually succeeded

in convincing me that it was;

which with hindsight was not a

particular onerous task on your part as

I was completely smitten by and totally hooked

on you from the very start. Consequently, I’m

as much to blame as you are for the state of

affairs we’re now in, and therefore I’m

neither seeking to exonerate myself

for my cheating conduct, excuse

it nor cowardly offload the

blame for it on you.

 

That said I desperately need to be honest once more

with myself so as to openly create an atmosphere

of decency where I can comfortably regain

my self-respect and once again become the

man I know I am, and be such in a truly

meaningful relationship completely

devoid of dishonesty, lying and deceit;

and irrespective of what I may have to

ultimately do or what the eventual

outcome of my future life may

be that is an aspiration that

can never be credibly

realized, I know,

with you.

 

© Stanley V. Collymore

1 February 2011.