Years of Tears

fear of dying alone

 

this is how i cry

on my bed

when no one is watching

 

like Marguerite Duras

so damned secure

so damned strong

in the company of lovers

 

in private

i cry

 

a single tear

escapes my eye

when i lay down to bed

 

occasionally i’ll sob

when the photos of them

permeate my viewing space

 

so paired up

pregnant or parenting

everyone is

except for me

 

i look like i’m the happiest

girl on earth

so single

so sexy

so sassy

in the public eye

 

in private

i cry

 

does anyone ever weep for me

i wonder?

or, are shoes the only string

that connects us?

 

does anyone miss

the way i made them laugh?

the way my fingers felt

in their hair?

on their body?

my chocolate candy eyes, my lips

do you miss my strawberry lips

on yours?

 

do you ever linger

in your pajamas all day?

stare out the window

as though some answer

will fly by?

 

i want to be like a bird, but

i’m like a wild horse

that needs to be broken

i need someone to tame me

i appear robust, independent, but

 

horses do form attachments

 

they do suffer

from separation anxiety

they do try to return

to familiar pastures

they do put up a fight

if they are pushed

in the wrong direction

 

if i returned

would i be accepted?

 

or, would the rider

be contented

with their new saddle?

 

my memory

rides on my back

heavy it is, but

on the road ahead

you wouldn’t know

i travel by shank’s mare

then when i sleep

the image of them

penetrates my REM

 

i’m in pain

this girl

who doesn’t take drugs

took a Darvocet, because

my vision blurred

my head pounded

my heart aches, and

i’ve almost lost my innocence

 

now, i’m slightly nauseous

 

i’m exhausted from my history

enervated for my future

 

i fear i’ll die alone

 

my book will surely have a plot, but

my gravestone won’t share a name

or bones

it will merely read

 

 

Here lies Years of Tears

Reviews

[Everett DeValle]

Ya know Coco...I've always admired your strength as a Poet...and I learned many things about myself having known and read you over the years...you always hit hard no Vaseline! Lol jk...Dang, Coco...life is cruel, unpredictable, irrational, and complicated...I like complicated or I've learned to embrace it...the unknowing and eventually the inevitable death of it all...but I'm happy that I've known you and your deep thoughts. :)

Lovely write.

[Colette]

Thanks so much Ev...of course I write for myself first, but you and anyone like you second...because it's means the world to me that my hardships, and my attempts to overcome them, somehow can help console another human heart that's had their share of challenges too. WRITE ON!

[Everett DeValle]

Yup...I concur...I write for Moi, as well...those days are gone pleasing an audience...but those were the days. I'm proud of you Coco...you have come a long way...and I'll visit you when...well, I'll visit. Yooooooou're Welcome, Coco. :)

[RainQueen]

Heartwrenching account of a shining woman's bitter tears. You gossamer gleam can only go unseen, unheralded, for so long before the chips of soul you scatter cry at the disconnect.

The silent,sliding tears may be the bitterest, but they contain the very greatest strength

[Brenda Sue]

Very well done. Simple but complex. Wonderfully penned.

[TL Boehm]

This poem definitely picks up speed and steam as it courses down the page. I like the way it starts out simply then becomes more complex....and the sudden stops in lines like "horses form attachments" urged me to keep paying attention to the piece. Well done. Resonant writing

[LC Coyle]

I love the extended metaphor of the horse, and the uncommon capitalizations- they convey the insecurity so subtly, and so well.