Those Beautiful Feelings

Unrequited Love (Is there any other kind?)

 

 

It crept up on me like a Halloween trick or treat

Which one is it anyway?

I’m tricked into believing you think I’m hot.

I want to believe this is a rare treat...

That maybe I can rejoice in the confines of love...

If only for a few months before I leave.

 

Of course I want to live longer!

 

But to live a long life without reciprocated love

Would be the torment to surpass all torments.

The days go by so slowly when I don’t get a word from you

The years go by so fast, and I look back in journals and see...

History just keeps repeating for

 

You

&

Me

 

Why can’t we get this right?

Life is fragile!

I don’t want there to be any regrets.

I lament.  Because each time you wedge space

And days

And months

And years between us...

I am crumbling.

 

More scars on my body, now one on my face

Soon, you might not think I’m so hot.

You might think I’m old.

Though I feel more and more like a teenager.

Our sexting was hot!

Our limited contact is not.

 

I get these Beautiful Feelings...

Bittersweet endorphins...

I have wild mad love energy

I feel as though my life has purpose

I feel like I’m cured of every wrong that has occurred to my mind and body

When we connect.

I feel like my scars will be washed away

Like I will be swept away

By ecstasy.

 

Bittersweet feelings of insecurity

I’m usually so cocky, u know?

I want to feel like a goddess, but

I feel too old, too ugly, too scarred up, too fucked up, too weird, and

Way too misunderstood.

I feel all these sorts of crazy ways, and yet

This vulnerable feeling means that I truly must be

Yeah...I’m feeling reallll vulnerable right now...

I must be...

Oh I don’t want to say it!

 

These Beautiful Feelings I have...I think they mean...

I’m “In Love”

With you.

 

And saying it...saying anything

Just makes me feel all the more exposed

All the more stupid

Like the mountain of boulders around me got left

Near the desert of the Arizona/Mexico border

Like when I stripped off all my clothes

I bared my soul

 

And yeah...

I’ve set boundaries with others, and took down the great wall for you

I’m open to the elements with you

And you...left my heart to dry out

Back in Michigan in this dreary approaching winter climate.  Cold. 

With no gratification beyond a glass screen.

 

You ought to know more about hearts

You know about everything else anyway.

Actually you know about everything that I don’t,

And nothing of what I do.

Which is why we should have fed off each other in multiple manners.

 

The thought of you feeding on me could add another 10 years to my life.

The action of it would be like the Fountain of Youth.

I already have my own private bottles of Holy Water, let’s add 10 more!

The thought of you living spontaneously, speaking eloquently, and even rebelling

Is fuel for my existence!

I don’t want to see you molded into conformity...

Taught to reject those who are worthy...

To appease those who are not.

This is where I could inspire you.

I give unconditional love...now if I could only receive it.

I wouldn’t care if my life ended prematurely if I could only know it...

 

Feel it.

 

These Beautiful Feelings

You give them to me

Then you are pulled by an undertow into the abyss by guilt and confusion

You cower from embarrassment

You worry that I could perhaps affect your personal or political future...

I will not.

You will go on to do great things.

I will surpass even you in my death.

I know this somehow.

I know I am the Frida Kahlo of my time.

I know I was born too soon and for that I am sorry.

I’m sad that you won’t spend a summer listening to me, and

Allow me a lifetime of listening to you.

 

I want to hold your every secret.

 

Please...

Just give me those Beautiful Feelings back!

 

And stay with me...

While I bask in the afterglow.

Author's Note

How do you feel about unrequited love?
Listen to the spoken word here: https://soundcloud.com/mzmoonshine/those-beautiful-feelings

Reviews

[Sami Khalil]

"know I am the Frida Kahlo of my time.

I know I was born too soon and for that I am sorry.

I’m sad that you won’t spend a summer listening to me, and

Allow me a lifetime of listening to you.



I want to hold your every secret.



Please...

Just give me those Beautiful Feelings back!



And stay with me...

While I bask in the afterglow."

I don't now who Frieda kahlo is but I like the poem alot...:)...................

[Colette]

Thanks Sami! She was an artist who suffered greatly in her lifetime. I too have suffered. There is a movie about her titled "Frida" from 2002, Salma Hayek played Frida Kahlo. Watch and tell me what u think! ;)

[Sami Khalil]

Wow. I will try but can't promise. Thanks for the info...Take care...:).................

[I Am Svetlana]

I love this piece...how lovely and how destructive it is at the same time. I'm not sure if I have the explanation or story right, but while I read this, I thought about the action of friends with benefits. Like, becoming involved with someone in a certain way to make you forget your insecurities, to make them help you feel wanted, loved. Even if it's only for a short amount of time....you want no judgement, but simply acceptance from their actions, to have them prove you mean something for just that while, even if you mean nothing to them in the end. Just that short time, they can be your breath, your life to help bury your own terrible feelings and thoughts about yourself. Though you feel bad about yourself, you don't want them to see that, but just have them make you feel alive again, loved, wanted...important. Even if in the end, it's nothing more that just a simple act and no actual feelings are involved.

[Colette]

Well, u have struck some cords, and quite accurate on some accounts. I love what you said "Though you feel bad about yourself, you don't want them to see that, but just have them make you feel alive again, loved, wanted...important." But I actually do want there to be a way to still have those feelings in the end, even if the couple can not be together in the traditional sense of a relationship. Like...perhaps they have someone else, or something that is keeping them from being fully committed...to still be connected by honesty, respect and adoration for each other. It's not really infidelities that damage people, it's lies and ignoring someone that cause the greatest emotional pain. You're a wise one Svetlana...being vocal about what we need and want from someone is how to change the stereotypical expected roles.

[Everett DeValle]

I read your poem last night, and I was taking your words of Art in, I wanted to review your poem last night, as I started too, I got distracted...I'm sorry about that...nonetheless, this is beautiful, Coco...unrequited love lingers, your emotions were spot on that I wandered in my own thoughts about it...you are a Poet after my own heart reading you for years...you always amaze me with your Art, Coco.

[Colette]

Thanks Ev! If u are the only one who appreciates my words/my sentiments/my heArt...that is enough to keep me writing for many more years. xoxo

[Everett DeValle]

Mmmm, Love you, Coco...and you're welcome...just don't wear daisy dukes around me. :)~