Roses Shed Tears

Kyrielle; somewhat random, abstract scribbles

A crowd floats forward evermore

their glances push a lifeless shore

Emotions reach their palms too near

I swear a rose can shed a tear

Cascading rain falls to the ground

to sink my ears in endless sound

A dark abyss emerges clear

I swear a rose can shed a tear

My fingers ache for dampened air

through which a sullen soul could stare

Though every smile can beam with cheer

I swear a rose can shed a tear

Another day springs forth anew 

A gleaming ray is seen by few

A silent cry somewhere I hear

I swear a rose can shed a tear

Author's Note

This probably makes absolutely no sense outside of my own mind, but I still want to know your honest thoughts and interpretations on this piece. Constructive criticism is welcome and encouraged.

The first draft of this piece can be found in my blog.

I've discovered that the abstractness of this poem allows it to be read backwards. Try reading the last line first then reading it upwards as follows: I swear a rose can shed a tear / a silent cry somewhere I hear / A gleaming ray is seen by few ... etc.

Reviews

[Ted Kniffen]

William, the best poems seem to write themselves and, at 2:00 a.m. what you wrote was very good indeed. A brilliant line 'I swear a rose can shed a tear' has become the focus for a good poem. One thing, and it is minor is in the first verse where move & moves appear a little close to me. Keep it up William. A good write.

[William Liston]

I appreciate your kind words, Ted. They mean a lot to me. I also appreciate your critique ... I'll change the "move/moves" in the first two lines ... I can see how it's distracting.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i love this...and the repetition of the "rose shedding the tear; line...
makes the feeling reverberate throughout the write...

a rose unattended is like a lover left unattended in the rain...and the rain and tears mix so no one in the crowd can tell the difference.
really good work William,
j.

[Renée]

First read, it reminds me of the Rose Parade in Pasadena, held New Year’s Day. So many blooms wasted for one day. The crowds...weather usually sunny, but it has rained. I do believe roses shed tears.
Your work is consistently brilliant William.

[vigilantebastard]

I like it. It appeals to my dark side, which i cant seem to escape

[William Liston]

I'm glad this poem could do that.
Thank you for your kind words.

[lightsong]

I maybe unable to help You if You've missed anything in the form, but I can sense if a poem is structured enough, and like always Yours is greatly structured, and I know You will become a really fine poet (not that You aren't already!), not only because You have an opened willing mind, but also because You have that high fine sense.

To open Your heart and feel the tears of that sad grieving heart, (I think of the rose here as a woman's heart), to hear through silence what others may not here, need that high sense I told You about, sometimes You hear through silence voices You don't know even to whom they belong, You just feel them.

Heartfelt, sincere, and ovely done, flowing so smoothly... Thank You for sharing Your talent with us.

[William Liston]

Ahhh, thank you for your kind words, Light. As always, you complements are warm and endearing.
I can definitely relate to your insights. For me, the rose's tears represent what people fail to see.

Thanks again for stopping by.

[Susan 🦋]

Hmmm well let me dive into this little gem. There is a dark/lonely feel to this piece..perhaps of a inner struggle or depression. " crowd floats"...maybe people passing by or not "seeing" a person. I'm taking "a rose" as something/ someone tender or sensitive...and yet inner struggles?? and yet smiles to the world...but dying on the inside... yet, there is always hope in a day "anew"...but loving how you flip it back to....A silent cry somewhere i hear.....ahhhh

[William Liston]

Thank you for your in-depth review, Susan : )
I love to read others' interpretations of this because for me, only the refrain has a meaning ... everything else is a collection of random images meant to evoke emotion, but may not be clearly understood.
Thank you for stopping by!

[Susan 🦋]

I really enjoyed this piece and you're welcome. :-)

[emipoemi]

Wow!......I need say no more! Wow!

[William Liston]

I'm glad you enjoyed. Thank you.

[Angelheart1]

I found this piece very deep and thought provoking. The words flowed very well and the rhyming was spot-on.
Thanks for sharing it with us young William.

I don't know when u joined WC but after reading your profile page its hard to believe that a 16 year old could write so beautifully and with such deep knowing words - one would expect from someone experienced and much, much older. Please keep writing young man. Angelheart 🌹

[William Liston]

Thank you so much for your kind words! I truly appreciate them : )
I've been on this site for about 10 months now by the way.

[Angelheart1]

You are welcome William. Your writing has a familiar feel to it - I will definitely be reading more of your work. You are a very good writer young man.

[Stacy Purvis]

I see you Love roses as much as I. They do cry.
🌹

[William Liston]

I agree. Thank you for reviewing.

[MsJewel]

William - I'm at a loss for words...this is so beautiful.

Julie

[William Liston]

Thank you. Glad I could leave you speechless :)

[Manu]

Brilliant piece. You are really an amazing writer. Contemplating on different facets of existence sometimes opens up a new window to our thought process. We can always find something meaningful even out of nothing. Mere by watching something can make us realise it's beauty and need of life and it's surroundings. Different things take place without getting noticed or sometimes they do get heard but the fact that they happen doesn't change. This poem carried varied emotions throughout. Roses shed tears is a very beautiful line, it blooms and we only see it's beauty but there are very few who can see that inversed side of it.
Well done, William.

[William Liston]

Ah, another lovely review. I'm so glad you saw the message in the repeated line. I agree, there are things that we often fail to notice. Anything, no matter how beautiful, can feel pain. Thanks again for your lovely review.