A Tear In Autumn

When she sheds a tear in autumn,

leaves crust away to ash ...

a lifeless wind chills the earth,

stealing dying leaves from

a longing tree,

and She ~ 

amid her loneliness ~

  sees Him in memories,

but his smile 

only drifts to an 

evanescent dream.

Author's Note

The idea for this piece was inspired by this: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/hankwilliams/imsolonesomeicouldcry.html

Structure: free-verse

Please rate and leave an honest review. Constructive criticism is welcomed.

Reviews

[Vria P Crow]

Tragic romance sets the stage; autumn embodies death. I envision the narrator as omnipotent as he watches a couple through their trials and tribulations. The woman appears to be the broken soul after something or someone tore her apart from her love whether it be from a break up or death. I am assuming this narrative focuses on her grief because of the somber setting; memories haunt her while she is asleep and awake.

Overall, the imagery, mood, and figurative language is delivered beautifully. The narrator creates serenity for her while she grieves. Thank you for sharing!

sincerely,
ria

[William Liston]

Thank you for your constructive review. I'm glad you could see the symbolism of autumn and how it created a sorrowful atmosphere ... that was what I was going for. Thanks again for your kind words.

[Vria P Crow]

You are very welcome. :D

[Kathy Van Kurin]

"A Tear In Autumn"
William Liston,
The very whisper or faintest trace of emotion and longing
is seen in the picture you have given here with the beginning of your poem:
"When she sheds a tear in autumn, leaves crust away to ash...
A lifeless wind chills the earth stealing dying leaves from a longing tree"
Autumn stillness and the beginning of a transitional time is always a period which speaks to change coming, of acceptance with grace and wonder to what is real and will one accept with grace.
To be able to ponder the feeling of understanding individually for myself asI consider another's writing is very special. This was one of those.
Blessings to you.
Kathy

[lightsong]

I'm never tired to tell You how much maturity You show with feelings, and how much maturity You show with poetry, Your is like a glimpse, a blink of the eye, like a one sole tear, taking the breath away, fading the dream away... a sole tear that brings everything inside to out, with one drop, and crashing everything at once... I read the lyrics, and truth, I can swear it was You who wrote it, it was so much like You! now with You speaking in behalf of Her, it feels a little ease to know that though they are both lonely and sad, but still thinking of each others... we should thank You for giving them this gift!

[Stella Armour]

My kind of poem...lol ,and i love autumn melancholy as well. Lovely :)

[ReedWrite]

Enjoyed this very much. I love short poems that speak volumes.

[William Liston]

Thank you, ReedWrite. I'm glad you enjoyed.

[James]

Very nice,a very mature poem. The only changes I might recommend would be near the bottom where your lines get shorter. my suggestion,

and She ~
amid her loneliness ~
sees Him in memories...
but his smile only drifts
to an evanescent dream.

It kind of makes it flow a little batter, in my opinion. But it is your poem so make it read how you want it.

[William Liston]

Thank you so much for your suggestions ... I'll certainly consider them. In my first draft of this poem, the line breaks were similar to yours, but I rearranged the lines because I liked the enjambment ... it helped to add a dream-like feel in my opinion. I'm glad you enjoyed.

[Relic]

Are you sure you're only 15? You write beyond your years.

[William Liston]

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed.