August 2nd 1981

The beginning

My brithday. I was born at 11:45 a.m. in southern California. Believe it or not, my birth was normal. Nothing extravagant, nothing spectacular, it was just me coming into this world. Little did my parents know how strange thier child would become.

 

I'm not saying my childhood was any different than anyone elses. As a matter of fact mine was probably just like yours. Two loving parents, school, friends, a younger brother, and... twinkies. I was a twig when i was younger, believe it or not. I know you couldn't tell from my picture, but it is true. Up until about the third grade i was the skinniest kid you ever saw. Then disaster struck. It was no one's fault but my own and i hate to admit that but there it is. I grew very very VERY lazy. My life suddenly became engrosed in saturday morning cartoons and junk food.

 

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, G.I. Joe, Voltron, and a slew of other cartoons filled my eyes and my head with nothing but junk. I look back now and realize how influential those shows really were to me and understand now more than ever how much those images of mutant turtles and army heros really shaped my mind. I forgoed play time with my friends on the weekends and just continued to watch T.V. and fill up on chips, cookies, snacks and yes... twinkies. Still a vice for me to this day. Those evil little yellow sponge filled cakes are just like crack to me. One is never enough and a box is too few. I could go through a box in a day now, but back then it took me about four.

 

So, the inevitable happened. I ballooned up and got to be "the fat kid" for most of my young life. Don't feel sorry for me, I admit now that it was my fault and no one elses. It also didn't help that I had glasses and to be honest, I looked at a picture of me when i was ten, aside from being a little heafty, I looked exactly like Harry Potter, round glasses and all. Minus the lightning shaped scar of course.

 

Let me tell you, the younger years are a bt of a blur to me. i remember being picked on a lot and being teased, made fun of and called all sorts of names. yet the only thing I truly remember are the times I did have with my friends. We would use our immaginations to the fullest and every day with them was a new adventure. By the time i was eleven, I had "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" memorized. My best friend Jon and I would play the movie out by heart, each time being a different character. His favorite was Indy of course, mine happened to be "Short Round." Insert fat joke here. That wasn't all, we made real movies with our other friends, unfilmed thank god, but we put them on for the parents and neighbor kids.

 

I can distinctly remember remaking "Backdraft" once that movie had come out, and got my first taste of "stunt" work. I played the character that got blown back by the door. It was a minor role in the real movie, but in ours it was a major character. We used real hoses (garden not fire) and did all the acting and lines over and over until we felt it was good. Then came the show. We never told each other waht to do, we just did what looked "Coolest" and for me, when my big scene came; it was geting blasted back and flying up and over the brick wall seperating the two houses in the yard we were showing at. And let me tell you, brick and flesh don't mesh well together. I threw myself back at that wall like i had really gotten blasted back by an explosion and without even thinking about height, pain, scrapes, the yard on the other side; i flung myself over that wall. My friends then doused me with water and continued on dragging me "Out of the burning building" and dropping me onto the concrette. It wasn't until later that i saw the giant gash in my leg or even felt the pain of the cut.

 

We also redid "Mighty Ducks" in our own way. I had seen the movie "Slap Shot" because of my dad, and i didn't understand it enough to catch the subtlty of the story. I just saw the Bash brothers and went nuts. So mix "The Mighty Ducks" with "Slap Shot" and you had our little movie.

 

That was when it was the whole lot of us though, almost all the kids on the block did this sort of thing. When it was just Jon and I though, man did our immaginations run wild. As i mentioned before, the Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles happened to be my favorite cartoon and i count it still as my favorite to this day, and when the second movie came out guess who was in line waiting to see it on opening day? Yup, me. I bought the movie with my allowance when it came out on VHS and now as an adult i bought it on DVD. I knew that movie inside and out, the fight scenes, the comedy, the story, i knew everything. So did Jon. One day we were trying to think of something to do and it just hit us. We'll play out the movie. So there in my front yard, Jon and I played out that whole movie word for word, blow for blow, and joke for joke.

 

Yeah, i was a geek, but i didn't care and neither did anyone else on the block. It wasn't until i got to school that it became a target of ridicule. But when saturday and sunday came around, you bet that i was a star just like the rest of my friends. As we got older, of course we molded into certian archtypes and even hung out with different friends, but the four that stayed on that block (Jon, Steve, Daniel; my little brother, and I) all evolved into story tellers.

 

Now before i get into any more about our creativity and foolish stardom, i have to explain a few things about myself as a child. I hated scarey movies... not let me fix that. I was PETRIFIED by horror movies. I couldn't watch a single one without having nightmares for months. it wasn't until Jurrasic Park (I know, NOT a horror movie) came out that i got over my fear. I was afraid of a lot, but Dinosaurs wasn't one of them. After that movie, the Velociraptor took over as my favorite dinosaur, kicking the Triceritops down to second and T-Rex to third. I don't know what it was about that movie, but it got me over my fears of the "scarey" things in movies. That also helped me get over my fears of roller-coasters, and even log rides. Yeah i was kinda a scaredy cat.

 

My mother showed me one movie when i was around eleven years old, that i still can't watch to this day. i know it is a psycological thing but still. She showed me "The Night of the Living Dead" original black and white version. That movie scared the crap out of me and because of that, i still can't really watch Zombie movies. Those things just... well creep me the hell out. But i could watch other movies now, Halloween, Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, Hellraiser, and many many others. The one though, that made me fall in love with movies in general is and still is my favorite movie. One word, one syllable, four letters: JAWS.

 

I liked sharks already by the time i saw this movie. But after watching this amazing feat of movie magic i was hooked on the entire species of Sharks. I wanted to know everything about this movie, how it was made, what the stars were doing while making it, i mean i learned as much about this movie as i could (before they introduced special features on DVDs). So take in a sudden love of horror movies, a minimal knowladge of story line, no script writing ability what so ever, and a knack for over-dramatics, and you get: Cold Blooded.

 

Jon and i had been talking about ideas for movies we could play out, and one came about just as the movie "Hackers" came around. The plot was simple, three friends get together and hack into the schools computers, change thier grades and get caught. The twist, only one of them gets blamed. The one that does gets sent away to Juvinile detention with thoughts of his friends betraying him and snaps. Said friend then begins to torture and torment and kill the friends, family, and random strangers of the other two. Simple right? yeah it took two months to shoot. Oh yeah, i forgot to mention that we actually filmed this movie. No script, no acting ability what so ever, and no money. Blair Witch eat your heart out.

 

After that we just got more and more into the darker side of movies. Killers that killed for no reason, goreified death scenes, violence, evil, demons, etc... You can see where this is heading I hope.

 

We filmed about i would say, ten movies and for the life of me i couldn't tell you what half of them were. But at the same time, Jon and I were really big into WWF (Now WWE) wrestling. Oh yeah, my geekdom is growing as i type. So we did what every child does when watching wrestling; we wrestled! Jon and I watched tape after tape, event after event, and learned these moves. Learned how to throw a fake punch, kick, body slam, powerbomb, tombstone, piledriver. You name it we tried it. Some with great success, others.... not so much. So when Cold Blooded came about, Jon and I knew we needed a fight scene. It was the best one of the movie if i do say so myself. There was punches, kicks, throws, you name it. I even got him high enough into the fence that his foot whipped around and snaped the top of it off. The sound was great and the timing was perfect. so when you saw it on tape it sounded like i almost threw him through the fence.

 

After all of this though, I can't say that we got picked up by a movie studio and I am a big actor now. No, we drifted apart because our lives changed. Steve and i became enemies almost, and Jon was caught in the middle. I joined football, Jon got a job, and Steve moved away. We just sort of... drifted. Jon and I still talk every once in a while, and i refuse to talk to Steve what so ever. But I do look back on all those times and think that i had a lot of fun. Aside from school, away from the bullies and what not, we were stars in our own rights.

 

That is one of the reasons I am who i am today. The creativity, the vivid immagination i have, everything was because of those movies we made, the wrestling we did, and just being kids. I guess that is what inspired me to become a writer, not because i wanted to write the great American Novel, but because I had all these ideas in my head that i couldn't forget. I give a lot of credit to my friends back then for making me who I am now creativity wise. Personality wise is a whole different story and one i will get into later.

 

Now I know my name isn't Cole Spire, and all my friends know that too, hell even my wife knows that. But... I feel like I am him. I can see the confused look you have, let me explain: Cole Spire is a different persona all together, now i am not skitzophrenic and I don't have multiple personality disorder or anything, so don't think you are reading the Ramblings of a crazy person. I see Cole as a real person. He is me and I am he. He is my Id, my subconcious, he is my inspiration. Cole is the man i would be if I had no trappings of human life. He is confident, sarcastic, cynical, intellegent, handsome, and charismatic to an extreme. He is who I am on the inside but not who I portray on the outside. Cole is my Muse and I pay homage to him every time I use his name. A lot of people have a hard time grasping that idea and i am ok with that. I see the world differently than most do and that is just who I am. But, the real story of how Cole came to be is an interesting one, but that I will leave for another time.

 

It took me a long time to grow into Cole, and an even longer time for me to accept that was who i am. That is what I hope to gain from this, an understanding of who and what I am as well as help you all see that as well.

 

Until next time.

Author's Note

Ignore grammar and spelling, but please comment if you like. i would love to hear from you.

Reviews

[Dani California]

This was a nice insight into who you were, and who you are. We all have alter egos, and Cole is yours. Your muse, as you say. The thought of schitzophrenia never entered my mind, as I guess I would have to identify to it as well if that were the case. Cole, is the creative you.

As I was reading, I thought about how we label ourselves, and how others label us, i.e. "geek" or whatever the case may be. We seem to judge ourselves based on what others think of us, or what we think they think. Catagories made up in the minds of the bored. This is a deep subject that would take hours, days, months.. to address, but, it is disturbing to me that the majority "we" size others up based on appearance, based on likes, dislikes -- and so forth. We are truly a brainwashed society with no minds of our own. Following the crowd. The older I get, the more rebellious I become of that attitude -- of being brainwashed. What is my point? My point is that you are a unique individual, with a creative mind that belongs only to you and is what makes you special. There are no catagories to place you in, and only you can put yourself in one, if you so choose to. No one else is qualified to.

How wonderfully creative the movie ventures were! And how fun :) Thank you for sharing it with us. I look forward to reading more about Cole. Lovely write!

[QuietPoet]

I finally got to read one of your storys.. And I am glad I chose to read this one first..

This was great, I was laughing through most of it. It seems you had a lot of fun when you were a kid. And really thats all a kid wants to do, is to have fun. I am sorry you got picked on in school, those freaking kids will get what is coming to them, and most of them probably already got what they deserved. I hated school, im so glad I dont have to go back, except for college..

And about Cole Spire, when you told me that you arent this Matt person, I thought it was because you had diffent personality changes, but its not and personally I think its cool. So don't change. Such a great write. =)

[Heretic]

Hey, look I read something. Ha ha, sorry it took me so long and sorry it wasn't Wifely Duties I read first, but it is your story that I read first.

This was good. I think you have a lot of thoughts on your mind that you need to get out there. Reminiscing is good. I'm glad I got to know you a little more than I already do. I can't wait to learn more about your Id. I'm interested. I am sorry to hear that you were a victim of criticism in school, but I think you've turned out to be a good man.

I use to do the whole movie thing with a few of my friends too. Unfortunately, I was dumb enough to get some of it on film, but hopefully that stays buried. Looks like you and I have even more in common than we thought. I'm glad our friendship started out the opposite of most. We started out enemies, now we're great friends.

Keeping a journal on here for others to read is a good idea. Well done, my friend.

[Aspiring Angel]

This is amazing Mr. Cole Spire. I was touched all the way through this and then I came to your closing lines of Cole being your muse and really is a part of yourself. Aspiring Angel to me is really the same but seperate of myself and I am sure you understand that as most all of us that are known as poets.

I enjoyed watching you as you grew. I think that our childoods do form eventually who we become. I am sorry some of yours was heartbreaking. Determination can mask feeling the hurt, but the hurt is always there, or for me, that is what I have found. Wonderful. I will watch for more of this. Blessings, Lesa