Parabolas and Straight Lines

One of the most angry pieces I have done.

Parabolas and Straight Lines. 

This is the chance to be alive and breathing.

 

The chance to be everything and anything you ever wanted. 

The familiarity of this scene has played out a thousand times, 

Every character floating off the ground, 

Bouncing off the walls.

Can you justify taking the world hostage?

If you had to choose between your alcohol

And all the beautiful days with your yuppie friends, 

Would you even try to fight the repetition?

Living on this parabola, 

An archway of desperation, 

Crucified to keep searching, 

For some type of emancipation. 

Haven't you realized that nothing is fair in this world?

You will spend your life just like the rest of these sad people, 

Spinning and screaming on their hinges, 

Going of the rails

(Now and again)

All you people want is just another night out, 

More money for your booze and cigarets, 

And every time you wake up the next morning, 

You're just filled with empty feelings and regrets. 

I'm not going to be another cornerstone, 

On the end of "has-been" boulevard. 

In the end of all this I'm coming out on top, 

Somehow on the tip of the curve                                 (This parabola?),

As tedious as that may be. 

I'll drain myself dry to be something different. 

Reviews

[Gretchen Clarke]

I can understand the anger in this poem. Very well done and very well expressed.

[Celestial Witch Child]

Love it. The only thing I noticed was a minor spelling error- "cigarettes".

[Ama May Cooper]

Definatly an angry piece, that much you have presented very cleary and well.. your words are loaded with the venom of that rage indeed.
An intellegent and well thought out piece of work aswell, the language used is rather educated which makes me more intersted in the writing as you create such perfectly crafted emotions that i can almost feel your protagonists view as if it were my own.
The strength and determination is also seen growing throught hte piece. Very glad i read it.

Only thing i have to really critise is the placing of This parabola but only because i didn't see the line until after id read teh whole thing, so its not really a problem more my poor scanning on text

[Vaen]

woah... I can feel the anger.

[Dayran]

I liked your surreal pieces better. They went deeper into some place and connected with some part of my mysteries. This is a rage against the world that you are probably new at. I think you're referring to the surreal when you say you'll drain yourself dry. No more dreams.

[eeoopig]

Wow, beautiful poem :) Gives you a feeling of anger - good work - captivating :) Going in my library!

[Olivia Marie]

Not sure what to say about this one. It's good, yet all the same it leaves me with mixed emotions. I can feel the anger. Which adds effect. Nice.

[olla]

we all come from somewhere.. and that is not always a good place.. but in the end, it is where we go that counts.. outstanding work.. I actually had to read it more than once.. it was that good..

[Laura Maidah]

"The chance" in the second line is redundant. It is already implicit by its mention in the first sentence, which is a great little hook. I don't get how the "characters" whom you never really clarify, bounce off the wall and float and those lines' relation to familiarity. It's really disjointed and random in the next second. How do you explain "taking the world hostage"? Is that violent? Pacifism? Something else? The next verse about repetition is great, but how does that relate to the previous stanza? There is no recurring theme to speak of. How does repetition tie into a an existential "parabola"? What is the archway? Is it in life in general or in the mind/heart? In the repetitious cycle with the yuppies/alcohol? Then all of a sudden, it's about freedom and karma. Next stanza is brilliant and actually is contingent on the previous topic. What is the cornerstone a part of? The parabola? Then it talks about a boulevard. Where is that coming from? The second to last stanza reverts to the parabola, which can explain that it's figuratively symbolic for life as an abstraction, but the last line is pretty confusing. What does wetness have to do with uniqueness? And how do you drain yourself? Sorry. This is definitely not my favorite thing by you. You have some great ideas, but it's a hundred poems crammed into one, with no motif to speak of. Try to clarify you intention. As a reader, I don't have your foreknowledge. Let me see what you see, you know?

[Cole Hayley]

I can see where you are confused. The poem itself is about being different, to stick out from the rest of a crowd. "The chance" talks about the chance the narraitor feels like he has been given to make something out of his life. The line about the people bouncing off the walls is a metaphor for the narraitor feeling like the world is so disorganized and chaotic (the orginal title was chaos theory). The yuppies and alcohol symbolizes the "Crowd" that the narrator feels like he is lost in, and he strives to stick out from. The parabola is the central theme of this whole poem, it talks about how he feels like life is always on a given track ("the hinges" for example) and how its so hard to get out of a repetitive life style. The line dealing with the "has-been boulevard" is again talking about the narrators fear of being just another sad average human being. And finally the closing line symbolises the narrators will to do anything to be diffrent then the "yuppies", him draining himself dry is as sorts the ultimate sacrifice. The whole piece was written as a challenging piece, I really wanted to be cyrpitc and I didn't want to lay my heart on my sleeve like i did in the past few pieces. I hope that clears it up, please comment back if you think anything dosent make sense

[Laura Maidah]

Wow. That is deep. Please do me a favor and execute on that theme. Really beautiful ideas that are not at all clarified in the piece. I LOVE the parabola idea. I have som ideas for a revision but you probably don't want to hear them. Be more specific. Some sensory details might add to your metaphors' strength as well.

[Cole Hayley]

No I would love to hear them ! I revise all my poems, just leave me a messeage and I will get around to it! :)

[Laura Maidah]

lol. I reread my edition. It's pretty lame. Just mess with it. Make your metaphors a bit more precise. Tie every stanza together. As it stands, it's sorely lacking transitions.

[Larry Dyson]

you do like BUZZ words...but an implied relationship to something..makes them better...it appears your writing is about change.. and types of change...you picked some good areas ..but just seemed to smear paint and throw mudd at the topic..?..if that was the way you wished it to be understood..then bravo?..Laury

[Laura Maidah]

Not throwing mud. Lol. Just clarifying that though the tone is precise and clipped, theme is filled with profundities, the execution is pretty muddy. Very wispy, vague at best.

[Laura Maidah]

Empty gesticulations that leave me with more questions than when I started it.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the honest and direct feel of this poem. Anger is good medicine to clean the mind and soul. The strong statements made your desire come alive in the poem. Thank you for the outstanding poem.
Coyote