All The Things We Almost Had

Terribly dark underneath the surface.

All The Things We Almost Had

Brushed with the aurulent skyline 

The bruises on my arms turn into silver streaks 

Clinging to the edge of the atmospheres tarnished smoke screen. 

The blossoms underneath shiver with anguish

As the clouds begin to take me pass their parted gates 

Heaving me through the humid despondency soaked air. 

And everything became so very quiet all of a sudden 

You could hear yourself dematerialize through the floor.

I could feel my atoms split without any despair

Circling the dusky horizon like they had somewhere else to be

All while the sun radiated through the angelic haze 

I've heard all the folklore that sprinkled this velvety plane 

The cries of sanctuary that riddled its beautiful melody 

Keeping everybody planted in its formless mountains. 

I know that sometimes things are too good too be true

But maybe I can just rest my eyes here for a little while longer.. 

Author's Note

This happens to be one of my more darker pieces. Its just dressed up with pretty words to disconnect from what it actually means.

Reviews

[Junert]

It's very mature though I couldn't relate it to the darkness you talked about. I thought it was lovely.

[MOON]

Dark deep poem, you know how to spin it so the reader is captured by your words. Good write.

[Kaitlyn Stone]

I agree with some of what others have commented on. First, that this is a beautifully written dark piece. Your writing has cadence that not many others do. I also agree with Barbara in that the first five stanzas flow very well and fit together in completion, while the last stanza sticks out to me as mostly telling rather than showing. It almost sums up everything that has already been said in the strong images. I like the touch of adding music to your piece as well. :)

[Mockingbird]

sounds like the state of mind of someone who slit their wrists slowly passing into oblivion.

[Dean Kuch®]

In every life, a little rain must fall. Here, it comes down in a torrential downpour! I appreciate the fact that you don't add a descrption for this, leaving your readers to make their own interpretations and analysis. Those last two lines evoked such a saddness in me. This was amazing...

[Barbara Walker]

When reading this piece, it felt like the first 13 lines were one poem and the last three lines somehow just didn't work. I love the imagery in those 13 lines. You have a wonderful vocabulary. The fourth stanza is my favorite.

[That_Girl]

It is dark but beautifully so. You have a way with words that not many people do. Another job well done.

[Lost in Wonderland]

the last two lines were so beautiful and sad...I felt as if this person finally felt as if he were healing, yet he was slowly dieing in a place of beauty. I'm not sure if thats what you meant or if that makes sense but thats just how i imagined it:) Nice work

[afra]

wow so dark and sad ......i enjoyed reading it ...well done

[Marie]

Sometimes it not good enough to be somewhere else, because you find yourself still here...