Obsidian

Obsidian

Tonight I painted myself black and white. 

I coated every bit of colour with an exquisite grey scale

Every single tint of hue was dressed up in a simple garment, 

Safe from any ridicule and safe from any burden.. 

I made sure I erased everything I loved about myself, 

I made sure I covered up my body so I wouldn't offend anybody else, 

Safe from any ridicule and safe from living room conversations.. 

Tonight I painted my room black and white. 

Everything that I built up for the last four years lost every shade of personality, 

All of my poems became watered down with blotchy ink, 

Saving them from any ridicule and from any criticism.. 

I painted my window to make sure that I couldn't see the sunset anymore, 

Never again will I be so fantasized with the withering stars, 

Safe from disappointment, I guess. 

Tonight I painted my past black and white. 

I made sure I wouldn't be hurt by any unnecessary memories, 

I made sure that I would lose myself somewhere back there,

Covered in tar and silk feathers. 

Safe from everything.. 

Author's Note

Reviews

[cynthiabuhainbaello]

I find this poem well-written with the theme and message sent strong and direct. As the lines convey, the "painting of black and white" particularly in writing poems was to "be safe" from "ridicule and criticism". Those lines really made me sad and I feel what you feel. However, your poem's worth does not depend on what others think but on what you feel and want to get across to the reader. We do not write to be ridiculed and unfairly criticized, because no one has a right to do that for whatever "poetic" reason. Reviews are subjective and depends on the reader's views - which may or may be correct. We review to constructively aid the writing, and it is still the writer's free will to accept the suggestion. Your poem here already expressed the stifling effect of ridicule towards a writer, it dampens his mood and suppresses his love for the art of poetry. That is never right. Color your poems with as many hues you want and with as many kaleidoscope myriad shades of life there is - never mind the ridicule and the bashing - you write for YOU.

[JohnnyMagrinho]

Well, you've sort of, in a very indirect, roundabout way used a couple of hundred words to say precisely nothing. Your comment circles around a huge moot point in which no real conviction is made. I don't understand what point your review is serving other than to say what you personally think about being reviewed harshly.

It's not about his poetry being reviewed at all, it's about so much more than that. So trivialise his poetry is just as bad as leaving a harsh review. You have contributed nothing but your narcissism in which you find your own feelings in someone elses words. It's a very selfish way to view somebody's personal work.

[cynthiabuhainbaello]

What kind of "roundabout way" are you talking about? Review on the poem - not on my review! That's the problem with some "poets" who think that the review box is a venue for RIDICULE. The review is constructive criticism about the poem not about the comments of other writers. If you do not agree with me views- let it be. You cannot dictate what I want to think just because it does not match your "thinking". Your own words reveal you bias and prejudice saying I posted a "hundred words" (SO! You count them???) which is clearly an exaggeration. I do not have to explain my review to you and you have no right to use this box to attack me because of that. It is my view - whatever you think is YOUR view. You already judge me harshly by saying I "trivialize" his poetry -how can you read my mind and say such conclusions without valid proof. Calling my view as "narcissism" is your own pre-judged bias. I think there is more to your comment than what you pretend to say - selfish.

[JohnnyMagrinho]

Again, you've used a couple of hundred words to say absolutely nothing. You fail to make a point, other than moaning like a child.

Your review was exactly as I said it to be, it's not an opinion, it's a fact. I made no opinionated remark, I just said exactly what the content of your review was and why it was how I said it to be.

There is no prejudice or judgement and I certainly did not say because you don't think like I do you should change how you think, I simply said you trivialised the poem.

Was that inflection on poets aimed at me? Where do I claim to be a poet? I'm being the exact opposite in this instance, I'm reviewing. And I've never claimed to be a poet on this website. I'd love you to find an example of that because I am most certainly not a poet. I focus more on my prose and novel writing to be honest, and do not consider myself to be a poet nor will I ever.

You are the judgemental person in this instance and have taken everything too personally. It is odd that by your picture you seem to be a mature lady, and yet have written such a worryingly naive, immature reply to my comment.
"I think there is more to your comment than what you pretend to say - selfish." How is that not judgemental and reading between the lines? I didn't focus on what I "assumed" or "thought" I commented on what you chose to say and what it actually meant, rather than just nodding along like one of those plastic dogs on the backseat of station wagons, jumping at traffic lights so the kids behind can see its head almost go all the way round completely.

I did not attack you. At all. And I wasn't leaving a review, again you mix what is fact and what is your own misconceptions. I was commenting on your review. Your review itself was almost about nothing at all, very loosely about the poem at best.

I simply disagreed with what you said and voiced that opinion. Is that not allowed? Have we all really reverted back to the days of when we were 5 and couldn't take anybody saying our pretty little tower made of bricks wasn't exactly that fantastic?

Please learn to understand the point of someones comment. I stand by my comment about you trivialising his poetry. It was a selfish thing for you to do. Can I not think that? Should be restricted from thinking and saying that?

How about you go to f*****g North Korea and live there, maybe then when no-one bothers to tell you how f*****g stupid you are because of their social code, maybe then you'll feel a bit better, because make sure whatever comment you make, if I see it, I'll definitely voice my opinion on it. Just because I can.

And I encourage you lambast me too. I'd enjoy nothing more than your attention.

[cynthiabuhainbaello]

What makes you CONCLUDE I trivialize his poem? That is how you judge me and make rash presumption. Can you validate your person and stand by your words by posting your real photo and some real info about yourself? Because I do -a dn I can stand by what I say because I do not "hide" in avatars - you can search my name in other poetry sites and find I am a real person. It is easy to lambast and call names - even your racism is evident over here. But you don't have an iota of credibility by hiding your identity.

[cynthiabuhainbaello]

Racism is the veil that blocks the truth.

[JohnnyMagrinho]

You're a fool.

[cynthiabuhainbaello]

Where's your real photo and what's your real identity then? Easy to cyber bully hiding in a mask.read moreWhere's your real photo and what's your real identity then? Easy to cyber bully hiding in a mask.

[JohnnyMagrinho]

Accusing somebody of being racist is a very serious thing to be doing. I couldn't give a f**k where you're from, what colour your skin is, what language you speak and what religion you have in your life. It doesn't interest me. Put up a picture of Scooby f*****g Doo for all I care, I only commented on your comment and now you're taking everything so personal and obviously have some stupid, huge, impossible to ignore chip on your shoulder that is making you come to this stupidly, narcissistic conclusion.

You're proving me right by making me think you are a fool, and perhaps you're the one who has some sort of racial problem here. I don't see how I've been racist at all in those comments. I'd like to know why you think that.

You're not just a fool, you're vile, offensive, accusatory, vulgar and dispicable for saying such things to me. I pity that you would stoop so low without even a nudge in that direction from myself.

You f*****g moron.

[JohnnyMagrinho]

You do not deserve less expletives. You deserve my vulgarity now. I would spit at your feet if you were in front of me right now.

Labelling me a racist like that? I don't know whether to find it funny or think you have mental health issues. I really dont.

[JohnnyMagrinho]

You called me a racist. How is that not cyber bullying? But it's fine, I don't feel the need to take that much importance from what you say because it's such bullshit I can only laugh.

I'll put whatever photos up on this profile I f*****g want to you idiot. And for your information, I did have a photo clearly showing my face a few days ago. Did you not see it? Oh, unlucky. I was there. I have nothing to f*****g hide, but that doesn't mean I have any obligation to show you a picture of me and tell you my real name. Who the f**k do you think you are? How important do you think you are? You're nothing.

[JohnnyMagrinho]

It's f*****g bizarre you would even say I'm racist. My wife is Latina. Brazilian. Half her family is black. You don't even f*****g know me so don't make stupid f*****g comments you can't defend later. That's some good advice for you there.

[cynthiabuhainbaello]

Your a pathetic coward.

[JohnnyMagrinho]

You're*

[Coyote Poetry]

Interesting thoughts create by the poem. Most of us try to seek a place of safety. I like the use of black and white to make your point in the poem. Thank you for the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[olla]

safe from everything... a bleak prospect indeed .. well done..

[Marie]

Well, Mr. Calopsita and I actually agree on something. "Covered in tar and silk feathers" really is a wonderful line.

[JohnnyMagrinho]

We're either giant cockroaches wearing human suits trying ever so desperately to eat our baguettes in sunburnt parking lots or oversized flying beasts with clipped wings, sticky and oily. It's only when the feathers are ruffled that we feel so human; that we notice what we aren't even if we feel that sledgehammer cracking our skull a bit too fruitfully, as if it were the first cigarette of the day.

And then the human suit begins to slide down and someone catches a glimpse of our real self but only for a second, and it's not enough for a conviction, just a moment of doubt in our sanity. Our tired little brains to weary to even think for one moment our entire interpretation of our existence could ever be flawed. So we ignore it and carry on eating our over-priced service station food in that burning parking lot, making sure each swallow of each bite is masticated enough just so we can whet our appetite someway. Heaven forbid we become that bird with it's oiled up throat. Heaven forbid we realise our wings are clipped. And don't even get me started on what we might do if we realise that for one second Descartes was right, and that woman outside in her bonnet and dress isn't who we think it is; a familiar lie trespassing in our normality.

F*****g heaven forbid all of that ever happens. Our mortality might not be so important.

[JohnnyMagrinho]

If I do review the poem, fair enough, but can people stop saying "OK, first off, great song choice." I mean what does that even mean? He hears this music in relation to the piece fair enough, but do you have to lick his a*s quite so relentlessly? It's on every poem I've seen posted on this website which includes a song.

I am 100% certain I'd hear and see something else, something completely different to other people, and upon conveying that fact I wouldn't expect or want anybody else to say "great choice of visual representation there" or whatever.

The whole point is poetry evokes certain feelings and responses in different people and that's just the way it is. Can we just calm the f**k down and try to lick everybody's arses before we turn into a giant f*****g field full of little terriers and pugs shoving our noses up each others cracks? F**k me, it's like nursery here how everyone just holds hands and comments on how pretty their acne is.

Moving on to the poem. I liked it. I liked the sense of self-loathing and disappointment and that humility. That idea that you cant escape all your past or criticism or other peoples judgement is a pretty apt understanding of life, and is represented within the confines of your poem rather well.

Repetition of "I did this" and "Safe from/saving" adds continuity and a good rhythm to the piece and drills in the idea you have done whatever you did for whatever reason and you're now trying to save yourself from the consequences. You're learning from your mistakes and trying to shut out the same eventualities being realised again.

The use of black and white and grey is a good way to separate your colourful stanzas as they act as breaks between them, almost like breakwaters at the beach, you know they stand out and stretch into the sea, breaking up the current and to prevent longshore drift. You do that with your poem in that sense. You keep all the sand in specific areas. It's a good way to give your poem clarity and make it be taken seriously.

I especially loved the line "safe from living room conversations." Everybody will relate to that and it's poetic enough for it to not be mainstream or too literal.

That penultimate line is so f*****g important but I don't know why. "Covered in tar and silk feathers." I mean, that's wonderful. I immediately think of a child in tar covered angel wings huddled up in some factory building corner and then about 50,000 dead cormorants behind her, stuck to the floor in oil. It's a f*****g wonderful line and very subtle but moody. I'd like to know the inspiration for that, as it is probably the most important part of the poem in my opinion. It completely changes the tone of the poem and then you end it very sombrely with "safe from everything" like you're away from that factory, and all those oiled birds. But the child is still there. Your "..." implies that it's not over. There is something to be resolved.

It's a nice poem and first one I've read on this site for a few days now, let alone review. Thanks for the read. And lovely choice of word for the title.

[That_Girl]

Okay, first off, great song choice. :) Also, the poem was really good. It was emotional and entertaining without sounding whiny or overly dramatic. Well done!

[♪The Girl Next Do..]

I see fear. You don't want to have to deal with the reality around you but you can't just block it out, so you erase yourself, so your not really you even though you're still there. You're just another person now. Blending in with the crowd. Excellent poem. I loved it because the truth in this poem is so in your face, everything about it pure, rare. Fantastic.

[Marie]

One way to stay safe all right...get rid of the colours of opinions...you make the point that it would be very dull indeed.