Obsidian

Obsidian

Tonight I painted myself black and white. 

I coated every bit of colour with an exquisite grey scale

Every single tint of hue was dressed up in a simple garment, 

Safe from any ridicule and safe from any burden.. 

I made sure I erased everything I loved about myself, 

I made sure I covered up my body so I wouldn't offend anybody else, 

Safe from any ridicule and safe from living room conversations.. 

Tonight I painted my room black and white. 

Everything that I built up for the last four years lost every shade of personality, 

All of my poems became watered down with blotchy ink, 

Saving them from any ridicule and from any criticism.. 

I painted my window to make sure that I couldn't see the sunset anymore, 

Never again will I be so fantasized with the withering stars, 

Safe from disappointment, I guess. 

Tonight I painted my past black and white. 

I made sure I wouldn't be hurt by any unnecessary memories, 

I made sure that I would lose myself somewhere back there,

Covered in tar and silk feathers. 

Safe from everything.. 

Author's Note

Reviews

[V.J.C.]

Nice piece, I try doing this to the past that is too unkind to bare.
Great job.

[Laura Maidah]

I don't like the title. I love the piece. Well thought out.

[.....]

First off, I have to say, if you want to be a poet, or any kind of writer. You can never be safe from anything, the things that haunt you, torture you, frighten you; make you happy or fill you with joy. All of these things and so much more do you need to hold on to and spill from your pen. Everything you have ever been and ever will be, the past and the potential will make you or break you as a writer. If you want to be a writer you have to be broken down and then built back up.

Now, for the poem itself. It was good, structure needs some work. You need to format your line breaks crisper with shorter breaks and attention to what you want your reader to be impacted with. Free verse is all about structure. Just because you are confined to a syllable count or meter doesn't mean that structure is out the window. You need to really think about how your poem looks with the line breaks ending on words that have the highest impact and will stay with a reader.

I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.

Blessings, Tammy

[eeoopig]

So sad and beautiful. It's much better to take chances then to be "safe". It's better to see grey, to see whats in between the black and the white. i loved how you used that as a metaphor the poem. It's kind of like living without feeling: so really not living at all. Good job

[Celestial Witch Child]

So sad and beautiful...

[Sarah Redigan]

absolutely amazing

[Pax]

very nice, great used of images that reflects what you mean.

[Olivia Marie]

It wraps me up. And every though you're not painting a scene, it was still filled with imagery. It was amazing. I loved it :D

[Debbie_Philly]

This is a stunning piece... so full of imagery that took over in my mind.... along with the music... just brilliant !!!

[cynthiabuhainbaello]

Your poem Cole clearly shows why you felt inclined to paint your world black and white. The comments of this John Calopsita proves the reality of the words you said in your poem. I still think your poem is credible and true, and well-written. Write On!