Eden

One of my favorites. (Everything is always picture perfect...)

Eden

You made me into this clay man

Stiff and lifeless, cheap and priceless

And you gave me a leash 

Attached to a clay dog.

So you made me this little house

Roads of cobblestone and beds of foam

And you gave me a telephone

Attached to nothing 

Modelling on airplane wings…

You made me this little clay girl 

Pretty brown eyes as blue as the sky

With her little pony tail 

Made of string 

You made us a little neighbour 

 Ugly and tense, so you made us a clay fence

He has his little Rottweiler

And his midnight tendencies 

Modelling on airplane wings...

You made us a clay city 

With a clay sun, and clay guns

People jogging down the street

Dodging cars 

You made us a hospital

Telemarketer calls, and clay malls

A veterinarian too 

And wooden beds…

Author's Note

Reviews

[Androglossia]

When I go to a writer's page. I pick the best title that hits me head on. And this one did. Did I sense desdain in the poem? Was it for the maker or for the world and the life around it? I love the irony of the poem. I love how you portrayed the word clay. Correct me if I'm wrong but in my understanding, clay represents artificial, bogus, deceit or anything related to that.

Your linguistic style is very captivating and great use of metaphor too. I like the descriptive nature of the story and you have the skill to convey images into the minds on the readers. Well done!

[Southern Cross]

I loved the imagery in this poem..."You made me into this clay man
Stiff and lifeless, cheap and priceless" Every one wants the white picket fence ,perfect life but what lies behind the doors? What is the price of it all? Great piece !!!

[Rox Bain ☮]

I love the line: "Modelling on airplane wings..." I don't know why, it's just such a beautiful and meaningful line... well done :)

[eeoopig]

A enjoyable piece. Quite different from all the things I've read so far. Good work :D

[V.J.C.]

A very well done poem that is very unique indeed. Thanks for this great read.

[Olivia Marie]

This is so cool! I loved reading it, it was so unique :) It made my mind spin with a million thoughts. Awesome :)

[olla]

so much more here than meets the eye.. at first glance.. well done..

[♪The Girl Next Do..]

I love this, something about it... It's amazing!!! I love how you put music in it, because I feel a lot of people respond to music, especially emotionly. Excellent write, friend :)

[Legolas]

Good write. The ideas are good

[Corset]

ah, now here Is a poem wise beyond years, the sad reality of it all, clay is breakable, fragile even. I love the originality of this write, reminds me of fake plastic trees.

[....]

I really enjoyed this piece, it's quite interesting.
Loved the opening.