A Fractured World

When it all starts to end

A thin sheet of glass supporting hundreds of barrels’ worth of oil.
There is a creak, a groan as it strains, but it holds. Holds – until the centre is chipped.
The glass is flawed; imperfect now.
Weak.
The pressure seems more intense, the creaks are louder.
Nobody notices.

The chip becomes a malign creature, a plague, a tumour.
It stretches its tendrils across the pane.
Slowly.
Exponentially.
The glass, once perfect, then flawed, becomes merely the vessel for an intricate network of cracks. A madman’s jagged canvas.
They notice the damage, now, but duct tape will not hold. Nothing will.

It is too late.
The glass shatters and the air is sucked away - shaky bubbles heading for the sky.
Even as the air flows out, the oil torrents in.
The world inside goes dark.
Such is the End Time.
Such is the First Day.

Reviews

[Kip]

I actually like it as shattered chunks. Goes well with the premises of breaking - leading to the end of the world.

Heck... as an intro to End Time/First Day, what is the bible but scattered chunks of writing trimmed from 400 or so scrolls?

As a poem of shattered chunks, it paints a vivid picture.

The metaphors are brilliant. :)

[Adela Muresan]

Wow. I'm truly impressed with this interesting piece.
I believe that the idea that you express is truly subtitle and almost genius ,that rotten things hidden for too long become something truly evil.

A.M.

[Justin Tobey]

Beautiful. I think it's interesting how you use oil to represent negative things in this poem. I love how you used the phrase "merely the vessel for an intricate network of cracks." This description really created a picture in my mind of the spiderweb-like cracks in broken glass. Well done!

[Wolfwind Words]

All things eventually end. some in worse ways then others. I like your theme of the end of days discribed in this piece, It's a modern twist, that adds elements into the mix, that everyone can relate to.

I love the line about the duct tape. The one things that so many people rely on to be the end all fix all of everything, and even it fails.

Wonderful Write.
Infinity's Shadow

[xlynne]

wow, you explained something that usually exciting but yet boring (the idea of breaking glass) in such a poetic way and powerful way. i absolutely loved when you said: "The glass, once perfect, then flawed, becomes merely the vessel for an intricate network of cracks. A madman's jagged canvas." that just hit me.

[Tai Chi Italy]

It feels rather synonamous with the ending of the world and a new era beginning, I see what you mean about the structure, I think line endings on each pause would work as affectively as breaking glass. I think separating the last two lines to bring uniformity back and emphasis it's return in life as we know it, would work better too. Other than that I liked it. Looking forward to more, have a great day, Tai

[Emily B]

This is an amazing write. I like the pace. I like the rhythm. Every word seems to be in its place. The glass doesn't shatter, but becomes crazed by time, age and outside influences. A striking image. THanks for submitting it to the contest.

[Stonewall]

I like it, i think it works as it is. nothing left to be done. :) it sounds interesting read out loud in a character voice, some sort of Timothy Spall/Movie Preview Voiceover guy hybrid.

[Poeticpiers]

This intrigued me. Highly descriptive prose outling a chain of events ending in disaster seemingly because no one assumed responsibilty for checking things out.
I have often beer writing one thing when it apparently decided it wanted to be something else
This actually strikes me as the opening chapter of a story which could go any which way.an apocalyptic domino effect string of incidents each triggering the next until the world passes the point of no return ivor