4-10-15

Jake has always ben there for me. Through thick and through thin... How I didn't see it coming, I had no clue. I should have...but of course, my naivety got in the way.

Again, dad was leaving. He was always leaving. Every damn week it seemed like. Always on holidays, always on birthdays...he was always gone. This time though, it was different. Okay, honestly, i wasn't that different than normal...but it was different to me. Jon was off to college and he'd stayed at college more often than he used to, so I was left with my other three siblings. Clint was locked in his room almost all the time and Anna was the only one I was able to talk to. Shawn either stayed in his room with the music blasting. Taylor disappeared the minute she could after high school--no one knew where she was. We all were broken since mom died. I tried to stay relatively normal...or at least show it. This time, though, for some reason, dad's leaving hit me with a brick wall--I was tired of him leaving.

Of course, my loud mouth and stubbornness got us into an argument this time. Well, a bigger argument than normal. Jake came home with me so we could study for our history test and when dad came into my room to announce he was leaving tomorrow morning, I blew a gasket. Why did he have to leave again? Anna's recital was coming up the following week and he said he wasn't sure how long he'd be. I think I would have been less angry if I'd known he was going out with a woman instead of work--but no. He was going for work. It was always work.

"I don't understand why you just can't stay home! Take some time off, spend some time with us!" I yell at him.

"it's not that simple, Vanessa." He snaps.

"Dad, you haven't taken a day off since mom died! I know you have racked up vacation and the FBI isn't THAT strict about giving time off!"

"Vanessa Dale. This is the absolute final time we are ever having this argument. You will never understand why work is so important to me."

I stared at him, tears welling up in my eyes. He stormed out of the room and I took off downstairs. I heard Jake use my bed as a push off to go after me. I ran out into the backyard, sobs wracking my body. When I thought I was far enough away, I fell to my knees, hugging myself. I missed mom. I missed her so f*****g much. Dad being gone with no help whatsoever and Jon wasn't able to stick around like normal. He basically just told me that work was more important than his family. How could he? Jake quickly scooped me up and held me against him as I sobbed into his chest.

"Ness, your dad may not always be around, but I'm always here. I'll always take care of you and care for you until the day you die. You call and I'm there." He whispered into my ear.

He kissed me all over my face and ended on my lips. I had no time to care about how messy my face might be or whether or not my make up was running. I lost myself in those lips. Those slightly chapped (like always, I noticed), but gentle lips. I could feel him pouring his love through those lips. The love I once felt, but lost, came back and the warmth that I got from just being around Jake intensified. He held me tightly and didn't stop kissing me until my breathing became normal and afterwards he pulled away to look at me. A few new fresh tears fell from the plethora of emotions that were going through my brain about my dad and this new found care for Jake.

He kissed me again. And again. And again. And again, until we were both on the grass and wrapping ourselves in each other, keeping each other warm and trying to keep us both happy at the same time. To escape from the cruel world that was death and ignorance. It was just the two of us on that grass. No dad, no thoughts of a dead mother. Just us.

I don't know how I didn't see that coming with Jake. But I should have known. Because I felt it too, but never wanted to admit it.