A root behind the skin

A root behind the skin
Flowers in the eyes
Seeking love not soiled by sighs and tears
The touch of warm water
The softening of thorns for her holding
The shade of branches for her resting
I grow gentle in her arms
Under her gaze
I grow away from the ground
Bloom and flourish and stretch for her
Flowers in the eyes
Torn from the root
Settled in a quiet vase

Reviews

[Thomas W Case]

Beautiful work. Powerful writing.

[redd Brick Keshner]

Could the vase contain collected tears, echoing with sighs, trapped within its chamber where bloom tears away defying gravity and yesterday? Lots to muse upon🙏🏻🕊

[emmajoygreen]

The tale and its truth is placed just so, gently and... infinitely. Beautiful

[Billy]

Thank you for your encouragement, Emma.

[emmajoygreen]

Will remember your words.

[W. Barrett Munn]

Billy,
this is good but my ear says elide the first three lines and start the poem at the warm water.

[Billy]

Thank you for your sincere candour, dear poet. I will consider your suggestion and see how it might work.

[W. Barrett Munn]

I don't know your experience, but from my own I know it is still a little tough to toss out lines that you like or love but don't work for the good of the total poem. This I learned from reading Mary Oliver's books - if it doesn't help the poem, cut it.

[Billy]

Yes, I agree, there can be some blind spots when it comes to our own poetry. However, in this case, I think removing the lines would also mean losing some meaning, and so I’ll leave it as it is for now. Thank you very much for your suggestion. It allowed me to look over the words with fresher eyes.

[Sami Khalil]

The ending 3 lines were marvelous.

[Beren]

Woahhh! That's deep! And very well written. Words carries a warm energy full of feelings...
"The softening of thorns for her holding" imobsessed.
I really liked this one!

[Billy]

Thank you for the kind words of encouragement.

[Beren]

My pleasure.

[Sami Khalil]

Very nice style that is endearing and effective. I like it a lot.

[Billy]

That’s very kind, thank you for the encouragement.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome muchly.