2017 review. 2018 resolutions

Looking back into what was 2017 for me and what I hope 2018 will be. I'm sorry for the long text.

Here I am, laying in bed, after the end of another year. 2017 was a hell of a ride. It had some fantastic moments, some moments that will mark my life forever. Some moments in which I thought I'd rather be dead... 2017 was one of the most random years of my life. 2017 allowed me to grow. I had 5 resolutions for 2017 and I can proudly say I completed 3 of them. I usually say that 2017 was a s****y year because it's easier to see the dark aspects of life, but 2017 might have brought me as many Joy has it brought me sadness, and it's in this moments of reflection, of retrospective, that I can see that. 

The first few months of 2017 were actually s****y, I didn't manage to go to university and I blamed me too much for it, so I was still grieving. Plus I attempted for a job in October of 2016 and I thought I did pretty well and when I didn't get the spot... It was like a kick in the balls (if I had them). I lost motivation for everything, I lost weight, I stopped talking to people... I can't even put to words what that rejection made to me. And that s**t went with me to 2017 so I was still recovering. But then in the middle of the year I started working at my first real job. For the first time in 2017 I had something to wake up to. I had something to occupy my mind besides the pit of self pitty I was deep in. It allowed me to grow because I had to have a certain amount of responsibility. I had a real schedule, I had people depending on me. And it was one of the best experiences of my life. And, of course, it felt good earning money as a consequence of my hard work. And then, in the end of September, I got into the University I wanted, which is one of the best accomplishments of my life so far, because I worked as hard as I could to make it. 2017 was also the year in which one of my heroes, one of my idols of many years, killed himself. Having someone you love making real the thoughts you have had for so long... It hurt, and it still hurts. But it was an opening eye, because seeing how much he hurt me, how much he hurt everyone close to him, it made me realize that I have to keep living and fighting. Not for me, but for everyone that worries about me, that needs me for any reason in their lives. And it saddens me, deeply, that he couldn't beat his demons with this same thoughts. I don't blame him, in fact, I understand him pretty well. 

I've already made my 2018 resolutions. One of them is taking care of me, both physically and mentally, and that is the one I feel like I need the most. I've seen some people saying that new years resolutions are stupid. To me they're not. They're a reminder to improve myself as a person. And that is my biggest goal for 2018.

Reviews

[Virtue Jackson]

Makechesterproud and fuckdepression.

[emmajoy]

How terrible to read about the guy that felt so desperate he dared kill himself... poor, poor man.

When one's gone through the hoop and Hell of difficulties, not doing that, not achieving this.. usually makes one empathic... strange.

Much success in your future, I so hope it all works out. What a tragedy to think that guy can't tell you how proud he is of you.

[CoffeePerson]

Thank you for your words. Much success to you, too.