*(Some Restrictions Apply) (extra stanza)

I omitted the third stanza in my previous posting, I'm not entirely sure it works with the rest of the poem, but here is the other version. Thoughts?

America:

Land of the Free*

*(some restrictions apply)

Where obeisance pays

And Jesus saves

If you have the proper loyalty card

 

Equality for all

(except the ones we don't like)

Celebrating individuality

By giving everyone the same

Standardized tests

And preaching uniformity

 

Television a God

His cold gaze, we trust

All-seeing eyes

And well-informed lies

Teaching us who, where

What to despise, idolize

And blindly we follow

Where credit cards

And broken hearts

Are easy to come by

But health and happiness

Are commodities

And debt is forever

 

Divided we stand

Together we fall

Where do we turn?

God help us all

Reviews

[Emerald Seas]

Ah, well the third stanza makes a great deal of sense. I don't watch much TV or mainstream news. However, I understand your context and it works.

[CoffeeInfused]

Instead of television, I could have just said "technology," I suppose. But I'm glad you think it works! Television just came to mind first, I guess. I'm just worried that that stanza may make the poem less poignant

[Emerald Seas]

I think either would work. I write a poem called Addictive Curiosity that hit on technology and its affect/infusion in our lives... No longer posted - it was a bit too edgy and confrontational!

[CoffeeInfused]

I was a little worried this may be seen as attacking more than observing, honestly. I've got another poem I'm working on now that may end up the same way, heh, but I'll post when it's done!

[Emerald Seas]

Keep writing! Don't worry about how it comes across. Every reader will view it slightly differently, just write :)