Electoral Quest!

Had an "I Voted!" sticker stuck to my forehead all day today. People asked me who I voted for. I told them "Teddy Roosevelt." They usually left me alone after that.

My keychain was stuck in my thigh this morning. I had fallen asleep with it in my pocket.

 

I'm fairly certain I had fallen out out of bed again, because my back hurt like hell. Also, I awoke on the floor.

 

I've been unemployed for two months now. I'm tired and still a criminal at heart. It had occurred to me that I haven't done anything with my life. That my very existence at this point was invalid.

 

At this point, there was only one thing left to do. I straightened up, stood up, kept my chin up, and embarked on a quest to become an upstanding citizen. No more scams. I'd seek legitimate employment. Really get my nose to the grindstone this time.

 

It was an election day today. Wisconsin primary elections. This was my big chance to turn my life around. I made it my personal quest to become an American Voter.

 

The election booths were being held at the old St. Mary's Catholic pre-school building. The sight of it stirred up ancient memories. I hated that place. I remember my experiences being educated within those walls. Couldn't have been more than four years old. They used to feed us celery with peanut butter on it. I always licked the peanut butter off and chucked the leftover celery in the toybox. No nun was going to outsmart me.

 

But I digress.

 

I had to go in, if only momentarily, to redeem myself to society. To vote.

 

It was a simple enough procedure. Filled out simple registration papers, handed an old lady my out-of-date ID for verification of my existence, marked who I was voting for on a ballat and fed it into a machine. Simple.

 

I had accomplished something in life. I can rest assured knowing I'm one of the good guys.

 

I didn't leave that place empty handed, either. Got a whole bunch of them little "I Voted!" stickers. My payment for performing my civic duties. I peeled one off and stuck it where everyone could see it. On my forehead. I could feel dignity coursing through the sticker; it granted to me a level of classiness that I could only previously dream of.

 

The next step in life was to gloat about my accomplishment, which is of course the reason I'm writing this story. To let people know I voted, I have voice, I mean something.

 

I was compelled to go to the nearest, most public place I know of. So I made my way to the public library. My home away from home.

 

Walked in, grinning madly at people. For once I wasn't grinning to hide frustration, but I was grinning out of sheer euphoria. Sat on the computer lab and began writing stories. The place was packed. The woman who sat behind the computer next to me couldn't stop staring at my sticker, and it filled me with pride.

 

After many minutes of drawing looks from her, I turned to her and said, real suave and casual-like, "I Voted!"

 

Then I got back to work.

 

It started getting late. I had to leave the computer lab. Printed what I had, and as I was walking to the printer the young receptionist who I'm fairly certain has a massive crush on me noticed my sticker. She was trying to explain to some luddite how to doublespace or print or something, when she noticed. She burst out laughing in mid-sentence.

 

At this point it occurred to me that I've only been an upstanding citizen for a few hours and already I managed to blow it. Already, my very presence was interfering with society.

 

Ah well.

 

But if I've learned one thing during my experiences today, it's that democracy is a fun plaything.

Reviews

[Hedra Helix]

I disagree with Krupnik on this one, IMHO that last line was killer.
also one of my favorite things about this pc is that it moves as far as letting us see the different sides of your feelings about yourself. under the humor it revealed a range of your day from regret, to guilt, to trying to do better, to momentary elation, f*****g w/ ppl confidently, to conceit to just being humorous and light about all the irony again. plus it shared the truth of your passion for your work, a very direct shot at the working hoping you.

neat.

[windmill]

so -that's- what's up with the sticker.



have to say, this is one of my favorites. you usually get me with a line here or there, but this was funny the whole way through.
wohoo.

tired now... but you're entertaining. you are.

[Samson J. Krupnik]

This was pretty funny, but I was waiting for the big ending and it never happened. You have this big existential question about your role in the universe and whatnot and your conclusion is that democracy's a fun plaything? Whatever, actually I don't care. I liked it. Nice work.

[Sara Muschweck]

This was just a joy to read. The flash back to the celery was just to die for, finding many wilted celery chunks from my own children with the slightest hint of peanut butter tinting the sides of the veggie, anything to keep from eating the stringy celery. Just the way that you write about the mundane, and give it interest, giving the reader a chuckle. I look forward to more of your humor.