"Just An Empty Box"

Hilary and Brock get a mysterious package from UPS. They opened only to find that it was not "just an empty box".

“Just An Empty Box”

By Cody Williams

 

1.

            Hillary Winchester glanced through the blinds outside at the UPS truck as it started its way back up the road. She thought for a moment before deciding to open the door and see what the postal man had left her. Hilary turned the doorknob and the door swung open beating against the wooden entertainment system that sat beside of it. She opened the storm door and saw the box setting by the doorstep.

            “What is this? I hadn’t been expecting anything.” Hillary said to herself as she knelt down to pick up the box. It was just a rectangular cardboard box that was just big enough for her to fit under her arm. She tucked it under her arm and closed the door shut behind her. Hilary carried the package through the living room to the kitchen where she sat it on the bar table to examine it.

            The box was taped shut with clear masking tape. On the top of it was a white sticker. The sticker did say SHIPMENT BY UNITED POSTAL SERVICE but did not say where the box came from nor did it give any clues as to what was inside. She slowly opened the top knife drawer and pulled out a large knife to open the package. She slowly started moving towards the box when she felt two hands grab her from behind.

            “Hey honey! What did the UPS guy leave?” Her husband Brock asked her as he put her arms around her. Hillary jumped startled and placed the knife down beside the package. She turned around gave her husband a slap on the arm for sharing her.

            “Jesus Crist Brock! I told you to never sneak up on me like that! I had a damn knife in my hand! What if I would have turned around and accidently stabbed you?” She shouted at him. Brock smiled and wrapped his arms around her again and pulled her in close to him.

            “You’re right. I’m sorry.” He said. The two of them hugged for a moment before Hillary pushed herself away from him and turned attention back to the box. Brock looked down at it and placed his left hand over the white sticker at the top of it.

            “Did you order anything else from QVC or something? That’s probably what it is.” Brock said as he took his hand off of it and walked back over to the refrigerator to open it.

            “No. That couldn’t be it. I hadn’t ordered anything in a month.” She told him. Her credit card company was even shocked at this. They called her day before asking if she was okay because there was unusual activity…she wasn’t using it. Her husband as a shopaholic in denial has labeled Hillary. Brock grabbed a can of Pepsi, his mistress if he ever needed one, and walked back over to his wife.

            “A month? Yeah right! Come on, what did you get?” Brock asked her.

            “Nothing! I didn’t order anything!” She told him.

            “Well, maybe you just forgot about it. Or maybe you did it in your sleep.” Brock said with a mocking tone. Hilary rolled her eyes and glared with a look of annoyance at her husband. Brock mocking tone and cheesy smile went away instantly as he took another sip of his beloved Pepsi.

            “No. I wouldn’t have forgotten that.” She said to him. Brock exhaled with pleasure after drinking the soda and then put his hand back on the box.

            “Well, there’s only one way to find out. Open it!” Brock said to her. He picked up the knife from the table and handed it to her. Hilary grabbed it from him and placed the blade along the crease where the two cardboard pikes meet. She slid the blade downward towards her cutting the tape. Hilary placed the box back down on the table and then placed her fingertips along the crease of the box. She pulled the flaps open to be met with a blinding white flash that only lasted a second and then their vision was restored. Brock reached up and grabbed his eyes and rubbed them.

            “What the hell was that?” He asked her not knowing what happened.

            “I don’t know.” Hilary said. After their eyes adjusted back, the two of them looked into the box and then back at each other.

            “There’s nothing in there!” Hilary said. The two of them looked back down into the empty box and lifted it up off of the table. They looked at each other again confused.

            “Mom? Dad?” Hilary and Brock heard the voice of their daughter, Jan, from the staircase. Jan walked around the with a paper towel pressed firmly in her palm with blood bleeding through. “Can you get me some bandages? I accidently knocked the vase off of the hall table. When I tried to clean it up, I cut my hand.” She said. Brock and Hilary said nothing and just stared at the womb. “Mom? Dad? Can I get a bandage?” Jan asked again. Brock and Hilary turned to each other. Their skin tone changed from lively looking to dead and pale looking. Jan could clearly see every blue vain in their faces.

            “Mom? Dad? What’s happening to you guys?” She asked. They didn’t answer and just took in a deep breath through their noses. The smell of her blood was mouth watering to them. They put out their arms and began walking towards their daughter. Jan looked into the eyes of their parents. They were no longer there. Their eyes were empty and lifeless. They grabbed each of their arms and sunk their teeth into the meat pulling away with veins hanging out of their mouth. Jan fell onto the floor and the lifeless creatures that had once been her parents continued to feast.

 

2.

            On the television screen flashed breaking news as the six o’clock news came on the air.

            “This just in. An unexplained outbreak of what can only be described as zombies from a George Romero film is infesting the two of Indian Creek, Tennessee.” The local news anchor, Timothy Hill said as he looked into the camera. “The suspicious activity is believed to have begun shortly after everyone has opened a mysterious package that was left on their doorstep by UPS this morning. Some who have seen it happen claimed that the victim saw a white flash before turning into these monsters. If you see such a package, do not open it! It will seem like nothing’s in it. It will look like just an empty box, but I assure you that it’s not.” He continued. “I wish I could tell you the origin of these boxes and what the flash of light means. Until then, the police have issued a citywide curfew of eight o’clock. Get your guns and lock down the hose! Be safe and God bless! Until next time, I’m Tim Hill signing off.” He concluded. A loud thumping noise came the rear of the studio.

            “No! No! No!” Tim shouted out as the TV camera was knocked over and the screen went snowy.

Copyright 2014 by Cody Williams
Courtesy of TRUE TERROR PUBLICATIONS
A division of TTP Entertainment

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Author's Note

I was in the middle of writing this one when the power went out at my house. Good thing my laptop was charged up:) Thanks for reading and I hope you all enjoy it.

-CW

Reviews

[K.]

Jeez Cody, stop writing things that freak me out! You're too good at it! First of all, I really liked your attention to detail like how the door hit the wooden entertainment system, and the storm door. Lots of people would have left it out, but it adds a thorough-ness that the reader can appreciate. And I love how you ended the story as a cliff-hanger! My favorite thing to do :))

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading Kassie! It really means a lot!

-CW

[Joaquin Rivera-Wilcox]

Thank you for putting this excellent piece into my writing contest Cody! This really caught my eye because of the interesting title. But, You do have to add more background elements to your story and plot. Make a backstory for your characters. A little something, y'know? Amazing read.

[Amy]

"... and he is so good at giving me the creeps!" that is what I say to myself each time I read your piece. interesting write up. what i keep wondering is what Brok and Hilary would think and feel when they come back to themselves and realise they ate their child; that is if they will. (thinking to myself). once again, good write up. :)

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading Amy!

-CW

[Amy]

:) Anytime

[Dayran]

' Brock and Hilary said nothing and just stared at the womb. ' Can't say what that is about ... but the story ... examines a parcel much like a gift package ... that may have held a wonder ... but was too much. Looks like back to the drawing block for Brock and Hilary. Nice ...

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading Dayran!

-CW

[Sharon Kim]

I like the premise of the story. I'm always curious how zombies began and how they became so widespread. As has been mentioned by others, there were several grammar errors. Unfortunately for me, it tends to trip me up and ruins the flow of the story.

They grabbed each of their arms and sunk their teeth into the meat pulling away with veins hanging out of their mouth. (The beginning of the sentence doesn't make sense-could be They grabbed Jan's arms and sunk ...)

In my opinion, I feel like you are making the building of the suspense a little too obvious by her hesitating to bring the box in, (I feel like I personally wouldn't feel as apprehensive as she comes across if I saw the UPS man leave the package. If I just looked out on my porch or went out to sit with my glass of lemonade and discovered the box by almost tripping on it or something like that, I would be a lot more wary of it. I understand that it goes with the second part of the story where the newsman talks about the UPS truck. Just food for thought) Also saying "She slowly opened the top knife drawer and pulled out a large knife to open the package. She slowly started moving towards the box when she felt two hands grab her from behind." I feel like the slowly twice just makes it too obvious.

Hope you take this as helpful, Cody. That's how it's intended! :) I really enjoy reading your stories and I am envious of how much writing you get done. ;)

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading Sharon! I do find it helpful and it's much appreciated.

-CW

[Sharon Kim]

You're welcome! :)

[Jack Wolfe]

Sorry, Cody for the time it took me to get to this. 

Hillary Winchester glanced through the blinds (outside) at the UPS truck as it started its way back up the road. She thought for a moment before deciding to open the door and see what the postal man had left her. (Hilary turned the doorknob and the door swung open beating against the wooden entertainment system that sat beside of it. She opened the storm( -)door and saw the box (setting) by the doorstep.)

The main problem I see here, is you need to omit needless words, and make you sentence more concise. Example:

Hillary Winchester glanced through the blinds at the UPS truck as it started back up the street. (where else would the truck be but outside?) she hesitated for a moment before opening the door to see what the delivery man had left for her. When she opened the storm-door she saw a box sitting by the doorstep.

Her husband (,) Brock asked

and walked back over to the refrigerator to open it. (just walked over to the refrigerator, she hadn't seen him, and since this is from her perspective, she couldn't have known he was at the refrigerator before hand.

I hadn’t (haven't) ordered anything in a month

womb (wound)

This story needs some tightening. Also what you have here is a scene, without explanations, original I'll admit, I would be interested to see how you would explain this weird phenomenon. Give your characters some degree of depth, some motivations, and allow the action to play out, rather than giving me a string of events that just happen.

I hope this helps some.

[Cody Williams]

It does help, and I'll look into it a bit more. Thanks for reading Jack!

-CW

[NoelHC]

OK, I am uncertain how a blinding flash of light would turn people into a zombie, but if we suspend that for a moment, and assume zombies are shipping empty boxes of light to convert new recruits, this tale just did not ring true for me.
I agree with K L Goode, there are so many errors and grammar mistakes.

As she says "You could do with some pre-editing, because your stuff is generally good, just needs more polish, I know, bla bla, nothing I haven't said before ... : )" Same for me here.

[Sami Khalil]

Intriguing, amazing, darkly appreciated...:).....................

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading Sami!

-CW

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)....

[Stephanie M]

You had me intrigued from the beginning. This is a dark, and mysterious story. Nicely written.

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading Stephanie!

-CW