"Lets Make A Deal"

Cory Donaldson gets an interesting offer.

“Let’s Make A Deal”

By Cody Williams

 

            “Good evening Mr. Donaldson!” A man said from the darkness as soon as Cory Donaldson walked into his house and closed the door. The man sitting directly across from his in the Lay-Z Boy recliner that he sat in every night and waited for his wife to get back home. Cory reached over to the table beside the front door and turned on the lamp that sat next to it. The room lit up to some extent but where the man sitting his face was still in the darkness.

            “Who the hell are you? And how did you get in here?” Cory asked the man as he slowly placed his brief case down on the side table where the lamp was trying not to take his eye off of the strange man. The man was wearing black dress pants, a black long sleeve button up shirt, a pair of leather dress shoes, and a silk red necktie. The man giggled.

            “It doesn’t matter who I am boy. All that matters is that I know who you are!” The man said. “Your Cory Donaldson. You live here with your wife. By the way Mr. Donaldson, do you know where your wife even is?” The man asked him. Cory thought about it for a second and then looked back at the man.

            “Yeah, she’s probably just working late at the office again.” Cory said trying to convince himself.

            “Is that still the excuse she’s using? Or is that the one that you keep telling yourself because you really don’t want to know the truth?” The man asked him. Cory sighed.

            “Okay. You son of a b***h, who the hell are you and how did you get inside my f*****g house?” Cory shouted at the mysterious stranger. The man laughed once more and then sat up in the chair and leaned in to the light revealing his face. His face was old and pale. The top of his head was bald with long white hairs growing out of the sides and hanging past his shoulders. In his hand he held a cane with a silver rat’s head showing its teeth as a handle.

            “I have many names. But people around here call me Cochran.” He said. “Did I hit a nerve Mr. Donaldson? It wasn’t intentional I assure you. I’m just pointing out what you already know.” He continued.

            “Oh yeah? And what is it that I already know?” Cory asked him as he crossed his arms.

            “Come on man! You know what I’m talking about. You already know the real reason your wife has been coming home after two in the morning every night! It’s not the bogus excuses that she comes up with is it? ‘Oh, I had to work late!’ or ‘Oh, me and the gals went out for drinks!’ No it’s that simple is it? I know that you already know it. I know what you are thinking. The only thing I don’t know is are you going to do anything about it?” Cochran asked. “Are you going to let your balls drop or are you going to continue to tuck it in and be the p***y you’ve always been?” He continued.

            “I don’t know who the hell you think you are…” Cory started before Cochran interrupted.

            “Oh believe me! I know who I am! I know who you are! But I’m not here to play ketchup with you Mr. Donaldson. I’m simply here because I believe that we can benefit each other.” Cochran said. Cory looked at him strangely for a moment.

            “Benefit each other how?” Cory asked intrigued.

            “I know more that you give me credit for Mr. Donaldson. I can tell you when you’re going to die. I can tell you what your future holds. I can even tell you how you are going to die! And let me tell you something, it will be very soon!” Cochran told him.

            “How do you know all of that? Are you the f*****g devil or something?” Cory asked. Cochran shook his head to reply.

            “No. I’m the collector. I work for the man down stairs, but I am not him!” Cochran explained.

            “What did you come here for?” Cory asked.

            “I came here to make a deal with you! An even trade if you will!” Cochran continued. “You see, the man down stairs needs a mistress. And I think that your wife might just me the one he needs. If you allow me to take your wife down stairs in the damnation to which she belongs to, I’ll more that worth your while!” Cochran held out his hand and clipboard with a contract appeared from nowhere.

            “You want me to pimp out my wife? Are you f*****g insane?” He asked the stranger.

            “No. I want you to agree for me to take that cheating b***h off of your hands. You see, it’s quite a fair extension as printed out in the contract. I get your wife to hand give to my boss to please him. That takes that cheating b***h off of your hands and you can get on with your life.” He explained.

            “This is it? This is all I’m offered?” Cory asked.

            “No. You remember that little accident that will cost you your life that’s going to happen really soon? It won’t happen. I’ll extend your life 70 more years. That means you’ll live to be 100! All a ask in exchange is your soul to give to the boss!” Cochran said with a smile on his face. Cory thought for a moment and then shook his head.

            “No, I can’t do that!”

            “It’s your choice! But at the end of the day the root question is, life or death! Are you ready to die Mr. Donaldson?” Cochran explained. Cory thought about it some more and then shook his head. He grabbed a pen from behind him to sign the agreement.

            “We won’t be needing that.” The strange man said as he handed over a small needle. Cory knew what he had to do. He pricked his index finger with the needle and signed his name in blood. He handed the contract back over to Cochran. Cochran smiled.

            “It’s been real nice doing business with you Mr. Donaldson! I’ll be seeing you real soon!” The man said with a sick grin on his face as he disappeared into the darkness.

Copyright 2014 by Cody Williams

Courtesy of TRUE TERROR PUBLICATIONS

A division of TTP Entertainment

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Author's Note

Thanks for reading. Reviews and comments are always welcome!

-CW

Reviews

[Sharon Kim]

Great write Cody. I'm guessing Mr. Cochran doesn't keep his end of the deal. I thought you really hit a great rhythm with the dialogue between the two characters. The story moved at a great pace.

Just a couple of things I noticed-
"The man sitting directly across from his in the Lay-Z Boy recliner that he sat in every night and waited for his wife to get back home." This line was awkward for me and tripped me up while reading it.

Also when you said the man giggled. For me giggles are usually reserved for girls or crazy men. Not sure if you were going for the crazy man scenario because most of Cochran's lines were much harsher. Just something to think about!
Great job!

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading Sharon!

-CW

[TL Boehm]

WOW that is a heck of a deal isn't it. Well penned creepiness from you.

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading TL!

-CW

[George Love]

I tried to read this, and I know I'm not perfect, but there are some areas you could re-write to make this much better, plus eliminating all the dropped words would help as well. Very predictable ending though.

[Quinn]

Brilliantly written. Very captivating and intriguing.

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading Zoe!

-CW

[NoelHC]

Cody, this was an interesting write again, you seem to write to a formula that gets predictable, but there may be a demand for this. The story was much better written than the one I just reviewed, but there are still some points that throw me off.
I agree with Sharon Kim, that sentence points out as being awkward was how it hit me as well.

You wrote "But I’m not here to play ketchup with you" Catchup maybe?

" I’ll more that worth your while!”" I'll MAKE that worth your while!"

" All a ask in exchange is your soul " All I ask etc

You mention an accident ending Cory"s life son, but in a comment to a review earlier you suggest a heart attack kills him. I think this angle needs to be expanded on in the story.

[MAD ENGLISHMAN]

Nicely Written but again this has appeared on our T.V. screens with regular monotony.
You write well but I'd like to see you do something really original.

[Toni-Lynn Benoit]

This was very interesting and I enjoyed reading it! The ending was good too. Leaves the reader to wonder what happens next!

[Dayran]

Its a nice surprise to run into the old contract thing with the horned one ... there's certainly many versions of the experience. This one seems to be saying that we still have not come to deal with the reality of our lives ... but continue to evade the issues with excuses. Interesting ...

[Stephanie M]

That was intriguing. I quite enjoyed reading this, but I wonder how exactly Cory was supposed to die.

[Cody Williams]

Cory was supposed to drop dead from a heart attack. I thought I addressed this. i'll be sure to go back through and include it. Thanks for reading Stephanie!

-CW

[Stephanie M]

no problem