"The Ladies Room"

The old phrase waiting on a woman becomes way too true when three men's wives spend over and hour in a mall's woman's restroom. Will the three men cross that line and dare enter the ladies room?

“The Ladies Room”

By Cody Williams

 

            Edgar Walters and his wife, Lillian, stood in the checkout line at Harvey’s Sporting goods that was located in the Betsy Town Mall. Edgar was in his late 40s and had grayish black hair. Lillian was too in her late 40ts and had brown hair that reached down to her shoulders.

Edgar just rolled his eyes and sighed with frustration he put the items from their two separate buggies onto the conveyor belt at the register. It annoyed the hell out of Edgar to take his wife shopping especially to the mall. Every time he takes her there she ends up buying the whole Goddamn store.

            The two of them waited for the checkout lady to slowly scan their items and place them into plastic bags. Edgar picked the twenty-five bags and placed them into the green plastic shopping cart. Lillian shoved her small leather purse to her husband’s chest.

            “Hold this honey. I’m got to go to the ladies’ room.” Lillian said to him. He grabbed it from her and she turned around and walked into the restroom with the green sign reading LAIDIES above it. Edgar carried the purse over too the benches that sat just outside the bathroom and sat down in it.

            Edgar sat there for several moments and he kept looking down at his watch. When he saw that his watch went from 5:04 to 5:16 he began to think that she might have fell in. Another couple walked by. The man was younger than Edgar. He looked like he was in his late twenties and she looked about the same.

            “I’ll be right back baby! I’m going to the ladies room!” The woman said handing him her purse. The younger man walked over to the bench that Edgar was in and set down.

            “I assume you’re waiting on a woman too?” The younger man said as he looked over to Edgar.

            “I’ve been waiting on a woman my entire life.” Edgar said with a chuckle while nodding. “The name is Edgar.” Edgar said as he extended his forearm for a handshake. He young man smiled and shook his hand.

            “I’m Joey.” Joey told him.

            “Nice to meet you Joe!” Edgar said. The two men just sat there for a few moments in silence before Joey looked down at his watch and saw that it read 5:37. He looked over to Edgar with concern.

            “What the hell did she do? Fall in?” Joey said trying to make some humor out of the situation. Edgar looked down at his watch now reading 5:38. “How long has your wife been in there?” Joey asked him.

            “She went in there about 5:04.” Edgar answered him. The two men exchanged looks of concern when another couple came up. They were in an older couple. They looked as if they were both in their early seventies. The old woman walked into the ladies room and the old man sat down on the bench beside them. He smiled at the two younger men. The two men smiled back and then continued to talk amongst themselves.

            “Somebody’s going to have to go in there and see what the hell is going on.” Joey said to Edgar. Joey stood to his feet and walked over to the door of the ladies’ room. He braced himself attempting to go in but couldn’t get the balls to do it. He sighed in disappointment and walked back over to the bench and sat down beside Edgar.

            “They’ll be out when they’re good and ready boys. Believe me, I’ve been waiting on a woman my whole life. And let me tell you, it’s always worth the wait.” The wise old man told them. “My name is Ralph.” The old man said shaking the hands of Edgar and Joey.

            “Nice to meet you Ralph! I’m Edgar!” Edgar told the old man.

            “And I’m Joey!” Joey told him.

            “Well it’s nice to meet the both of you.” Ralph said to them. They waited a few more moments until their watches read 6:00. “6:00? There’s something not right about this.” Ralph said to the two younger men.

            “You’re telling me! My wife was in there for nearly an hour!” Edgar told him. Then a woman employee walked by the three men.

            “Miss! Miss!” Ralph said to the young woman. She walked over towards him and smiled.

            “Can I help you sir?” The woman asked him.

            “Yes you can. I hate to bother you but would you mind to go into the ladies’ room and check on our wives? They have been in there for a really long time and we were starting to get worried.” The old man told her. The woman smiled at him again and nodded her head.

            “Sure! I’ll go in there and see what’s going on.” She told him, as she turned away and walking into the ladies’ room.

            “Now we’ll get to the bottom of this.” Ralph said to the other two satisfied. They three just sat there waiting for some sign. Waiting for the young woman to return. She never did. After about fifteen minutes of waiting Edgar stood up.

            “Okay guys, we have to go in there and check out the situation! We have no other choice!” Edgar told them. Ralph and Joey stood up and nodded in agreement. The three men lined up in front of the door to the ladies’ room. “Okay! We’re crossing a line here! But we simply have no choice! We’re in on the count of three okay?” Edgar told them. The other two men just nodded in agreement and braced themselves to go in. This bothered all of the guys. I mean it was the land of the forbidden. It’s the one place Super Man can’t go.

            “One! Two! Three!” The three men said together as they each busted through the big metal door. Nobody was in there. Nobody at the sinks washing their hands and nobody in the stalls. Joey got down on the tile floor and looked for feet. Nothing. However he did notice something interesting. It was a trail of a stomach turning dark red liquid at the handicap stall at the end of the row. It was blood. It looked like one of the ladies tried to escape but she was caught and something dragged her away.

            “Hey guys! There’s a trail of blood in the last stall!” Joey told them. He pushed himself off of the ground and the three men began making their way towards the last stall. Just knowing that was blood was enough to make their skin crawl. They each placed a hand on the restroom stall door and pushed it open forcing their way in. Their hearts began to race and the remains of the three women were scattered and splattered against the wall. Sitting on the toilet was only what could be described as a Tasmanian devil. Not the cute one from the Looney Tunes Show. This creature made the little dog like Tasmanian Devils look like your everyday household pup. The creature had fingernails that measured two inches long. They began to perpetrate heavily as their heartbeats grew faster and faster.

            The creature growled revealing razor sharp teeth that were about five inches long. The men, knowing that there wasn’t much more they could do but scream, just stood there as the creature reeled them in one by one and began to feast.

Copyright 2014 by Cody Williams

Courtesy of TRUE TERROR PUBLICATIONS

A division of TTP Entertainment

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Author's Note

The got this idea about two three years ago. I just now got around to writing it. Please leave comment's and reviews! Thanks for reading!

-CW

Reviews

[Dayran]

Its nice to see a a little more gravy with the meat in your stories. It helps to give a little space for some reaction on the part of the reader. If death is depicted simply as chop chop and gooey than it losses a little something in the translation. Nice.

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading Dayran!

-CW

[Riding the Rainbow]

Wow!
I missed your stories, bud. This is so "horrorish" that I'm going to re-read it later again.
Bravo!

[Elizabeth]

Not what I was expecting when I first began reading. I love the element of surprise.

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading Elizabeth!

-CW

[Sarah]

you were able to keep me at the edge of my seat in suspense!!! very well done!

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading!

-CW

[Kuandio]

Maybe a bit of slow start (according to all the advice going around). There are a few grammatical errors but I bet you'd see them all if you went over it again. The whole premise is very funny, of waiting on a woman in the bathroom. I liked the line, "the one place Superman can't go". I don't think all the guys would shake hands the way they did, but not a big deal. The ending was real nice man, the Tazmanian devil thing.

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading!

-CW

[Dan Hiland]

Some good description here, and the dialogue about "waiting" for women adds some needed humor. There is some suspense there in the restroom, as well.
I realize this is a first or second draft, but trimming a lot of the verbiage could help the story flow better. There is a lot of repetition and redundancy: references to "falling in", the time on the watch, the "last stall", etc. Also, cut phrases like "Lillian said to him. He grabbed it from her", "as he looked over to Edgar", "trying to make some humor out of the situation", "They were in an older couple", etc. You have already established these facts, so don't overwhelm the reader with more.
There are a lot of instances where a noun is used in one sentence, then again in the next, when a different word could be used. Put more variety in your word choices.
One other thing: realism. The 25 shopping bags, and the fact that the men took so long to check on their wives seemed a little over the top. Also, the fact that all three men- who were trying to be brave- just stood there and allowed themselves to be slaughtered, didn't ring true. You would expect at least one of them to try fighting back or running away- not that it's going to do them much good...
It's an intriguing little tale, but needs to be revised so that it has the suspenseful impact you intend.
Thanks for sharing!

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading Dan!

-CW

[Chadvonswan]

Hahaha this was great! Excellent job

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading Chad!

-CW

[I Am Svetlana]

Such suspense you give the reader with this write! I loved the plot and the ending, I thought was cute. I love animals! I always hate going to the mall and shopping with people cause they always seem to take centuries to pick out a certain shirt or something, so many decisions and I hate just standing there like an idiot as they ask me which one they should pick or try on when really, I couldn't care less and would rather be home reading a book. I'm not much of a shopper, but at times, I can be. Some people are serious shopaholics, my mom for one and I know a few others, but never was one myself. I can understand the hype of shopping though, so I partially know how they are.

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading. I don't care too much for shopping either.

-CW

[I Am Svetlana]

Most guys wouldn't care much for shopping, they normally only go to make their girl happy....haha.

[Cody Williams]

That's so true

[Michael Stevens]

This reminded me of The Twilight Zone episode where William Shatner saw a creature on the wing of the airplane he was flying in, but everyone else on the flight thinks he's crazy. Later, after they're all left the plane, the ground crew find huge tears in the metal of the wing. Makes a person think twice about using the restroom at the mall!

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading Michael!

-CW

[Lyn Anderson]

Interesting. "I'm got to go" should be "I gotta go" I think - small errors like that, but a solid read.

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading KL!

-CW