"Mr. Gray"

He's what children are afraid of all around the world...The Boogeyman. But now, he has a name...Mr. Gray.

“Mr. Gray”

By Cody Williams

 

            George stood up in his footstool wearing his Super Man pajamas slowly brushing teeth. George was only eight years old. He was taking his sweet time prepping for bed. But not the reason most children take the time. No, it’s not because he didn’t like sleep. Hell, he hadn’t slept straight for a month now. He would damn well welcome a good night sleep…but that would be wishful thinking. In fact, he’s gotten to the point to where he only went into his bedroom if he needed to. And I mean absolutely needed to. One of those times was bedtime.

This has been going on for about two months now. George would sleep with his mom, Holly, and his dad, Paul. Paul made the decision about three weeks ago to not let him sleep with them anymore. I think it’s safe to say that he hasn’t slept a wink in that room in weeks.

“Come on George! It’s time for bed! Your teacher Ms. Collins called today and said you have been sleeping in class.” Holly said pointing to George’s bedroom. George took the toothbrush out of his mouth and placed it in the little blue cup that was mounted on the wall along with the others. He then grabbed the hand towel off of the towel rack and whipped his mouth off and leaped off of the step stool and walked out of the bathroom into the hallway where his mother was.

Holly patted him on the head and led him to his bedroom door. She opened the door and motioned for him to go in. George peaked his head around the corner looked for something that might pop out at him. Nothing.

“Go on George, there’s nothing in there that can hurt you.” Holly said to him. George looked to the closet in his room and began shaking with fear. He pulled in close to his mom and looked up at her.

“Please don’t make me go in their mommy! He might get me! Mr. Gray might get me!” George said as he began to cry. Paul walked into the hallway and knelt down beside of George.

“George, I told you that there was no such thing as Mr. Gray. He doesn’t exist. There’s nothing to be afraid of.” Paul said pointing to George’s bed. Holly reached in turning on the overhead light.

“Yes there is daddy! He’s in the closet!” George said to his father. Paul stood up and walked into the room to the closet and opened it.

“See George! There’s nothing in there! We talked about this! Now quite fooling around and get in that bed now!” Paul said. George pulled himself closer to his mother and buried his face in her dress. She picked him up and carried him to the bed and put him into it. Paul walked over to the nightstand beside of him and turned on his Scooby Doo night-light. He and Holly then walked over to the doorway and looked back at their son who was now hiding himself under the covers.

“George, buddy, there’s nothing to be afraid of.” Paul said as he turned the light off. George peaked his head out from under the covers and looked at them.

“Daddy, can you stay in here with me tonight?” George asked him. Paul sighed and then smiled and nodded. He walked over to the bedside and sat down in the rocking chair beside the bed. He reached over to the bookshelf grabbing a novel and sat there reading it waiting for George to go to sleep.

After about twenty minutes, Paul looked over to George noticing that he was now sleeping. He closed the book and stood up from the chair. He leaned over kissing George on the cheek and he reached over and turned off the night-light. He walked out of the room and closed the door behind him.

About midnight, Paul awoke with terror after hearing a loud crash in George’s bedroom. He and Holly quickly got out of bed and ran out of their bedroom and down the hall to George’s room. Paul reached down grabbing the doorknob and twisting it. The door wouldn’t open. It was as if something was holding it shut. But it wasn’t locked. Paul knew that. The knob would twist and he could push it open a little bit, but the damn thing would not just swing open.

“George! What’s going on in there! Open this does door right now young man! Or I’ll tan you good!” Paul shouted. No answer. He began to throw himself against the door before it finally gave was. Paul and Holly rushed in the room. Nobody was there. The bed was made and there was not a speck anywhere.

“George?” Holly said calling out to her son. No answer. Paul got down on the hard wood floor, lifted up the bed skirts, and looked under the bed. Nothing was under there but a dull gray hat. It looked like the type of hat that a 1950s newspaper reporter would wear.

“What the hell?” Paul said. He reached his arm under the bed grabbing the hat and pulling it out from under the bed. He held it upside down looking inside of it. At the back of it there was a nametag reading PROPERTY OF MR. GRAY. IF LOST CALL 666. “What the f**k is this?” Paul asked handing the hat over to Holly. Holly grabbed it and began shaking with fear.

“Paul! What’s this? Call the police!” Holly said to him handing him the hat back.

“And tell them what? That a man named Mr. Gray broke in out house and kidnapped our son?” He asked her.

“Well, there was a crash.” She told him. He looked around the room. There was nothing shattered. Everything was neat. In fact, it looked as if an eight-year-old child hadn’t been in there all day. Paul looked over at the closet. Holly looked at him and grabbed on to him pulling him close to her. The two of them all walked over to the closet door and Paul grabbed the knob. He turned the knob and the door swung open. In the closet was an old man. He was about five and a half feet tall and was quite skinny. He was wearing a gray dress suite and was looking down at a golden pocket watch. He shut the watch and looked at Paul.

“I’m a sorry folk. But you’re too late.” The man said smiling at them.

“Who the hell are you? What the hell do you mean we are too late?” Paul asked him as Holly clung to his arm.

“You just missed him. You just missed George!” He said smiling.

“What the hell did you do to him? What did you do to my boy?” Paul said shouting at the man.

“It doesn’t matter where he’s at. All that matters is where you are going.” The man said. He reached his hand up grabbing his mouth speeding it wider and wider. He began to grow razor sharp teeth and black colored horns grew from his head. His skin changed too. It was no long soft smooth skin, but a black as if he was burnt to a crisp and a fire and it was rough. He opened his mouth and growled at the two. Paul leaped back and Holly followed. Paul closed his eyes and began shaking his head ‘no’.

“Not there! Not there! Not there!” Paul shouted. He quit shaking his head and opened his eyes looking into the closet. The man was gone. They began looking around confused.

“Where did he go?” Holly asked. Paul stood up with sweat pouring down his face and his heart running 1,000,000 miles per minute. He walked his spaghetti legs over to the bed and sat down on it. Holly sat down beside him and began running her hand through his hair. “What do we do now Paul? Where did he go? There’s no way he could have gotten out of here that quickly could he?” Holly asked. Paul looked up at Holly confused.

“What are you talking about Holly? There was never anyone here.” He told her.

“But Paul we saw him!” She said. Paul shook his head.

“No! There was never anyone here!” Paul shouted. “This is just some sick joke George is pulling over! He’s gotten you fooled!” Paul shouted at Holly. Holly stood up from the bed and walked over to the doorway and turned back to him.

“Paul, something’s wrong here! Mr. Gray was just here.” She tried to explain to him.

“No he wasn’t! I’ll tell you the same thing I gold George! There is no f*****g thing as Mr. Gray! He doesn’t exist!!!” Paul shouted. Holly began crying and Paul bowed his head in shame looking down at the floor. Paul looked back up at Holly. “Holly, I’m sorry I shouted. I guess I just got scared.” He said. Holly whipped the tears off of her face and looked at him. Then the arm of the monstrous Mr. Gray reached out from under the bed grabbing Paul by thing ankle.

“AHHHHH!” Paul screamed with pain as the inch long nails of the beast punctured his skin and blood began oozing out. The animal pulled Paul under while Holly stood in the doorway screaming with true terror.

Copyright 2013 by Cody Williams

Courtesy of TRUE TERROR PUBLICATIONS

A division of TTP Entertainment

ZKDD-SRHN-79YH-FVJG" title="Copyrighted.com Registered & Protected 

ZKDD-SRHN-79YH-FVJG" width="150" height="40" src="http://static.copyrighted.com/images/seal.gif" />

Author's Note

I'm getting back to my roots a bit here with "Mr. Gray" This is a return to balls to the wall, keep your lights on at night horror. I hope you guys enjoy it. Please leave comments and reviews.

-CW

Reviews

[icelandicblue]

I like the concept of Mr. Gray- that aspect is unique and fresh- but I think you owe your reader more explanations regarding who he is and what he wants. Just taking George and terrorizing his parents is just a bit too basic of a story. It reads like a well thought out outline. You need more details that show the terror and you should sharpen the story with additional details including descriptive ones that show not tell us. Sorry...

[Riding the Rainbow]

This piece made me jump! well done!

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading Kejara!

-CW

[FlatLineBeauty]

This had my heart racing. I loved the way you wrote this. I was on the edge of my seat. xo Winter

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading!

-CW

[Jackson H. Harley]

I'm no good with reviews, but I must say this awesome :) cool concept and an enjoyable read :) I feel the story could use a little more development, but short and sweet is cool too :p

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading Jackson!

-CW

[MsJewel]

I'm glad I'm reading this in the daylight! Wow! A chilling little horror story! This reminds me of the old Twighlight Zone episodes - you give away just enough...but leave some to the imagination as well. I liked it very much!

:) Julie

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading Julie!

-CW

[Dayran]

I figure Mr. Gray is probably an extraterrestrial specie that is in our future ... children encounter them in their innocence of mind. As a future specie he may far excel in intelligence compared to our own vanity on the issue. Paul ... in dismissing such a probability indicates his personal bias ... which I think is what the story is about. He thereafter meets his end in a crucification.

On the basis of this premise, I'll have to say the story stretches across a wide canvas of issues and may be narrowed for greater clarity ... it leads to a greater appreciation.

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading Dayran!

-CW

[Dan Hiland]

Great descriptions- especially at the beginning of the story- but I have to agree with some of the other posters here about the premise, or lack of one. There needs to be some sort of explanation- probably indirect- about why this is happening. Maybe the parents are abusive, or the boy is a demon who is being taken back home by his real father, or it's a dream delayed, or the family is cursed.
Not that it's easy to put together a horror story. I've tried and I'm not good at it. I get creeped out too easily when I try to compose something like this.
I think that if you revise it and flesh it out some more, it will take on a life of its own and have the impact you are seeking.
Thanks for sharing your story.

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading Dan!

-CW

[Nire]

The first sentence is a run-on. I would add some commas or split it up into two sentences. I think that if "George stood up in his footstool." was the opening sentence, it would add a nice effect. It's simple and you'd be starting with an action.

Adding cursing with children takes away their innocence, which is something that a writer can use to his advantage in a story, especially one like this. So you might want to reconsider that.

You switched POV's. which is okay but with a story this short you might want to stick to just one. Obviously, it would have to be the father. Maybe, start it out with a disgruntled dad irritated at his son for not sleeping in his own bed.

>I’ll tell you the same thing I gold George!<
Typo on the word gold.

I would take of "AHH!" You said he screamed in the next sentence. No point in stating it twice. Readers don't like that. It's the same as writing "HAHAHA!" When you can just say, He laughed. It's shows novice.
And how did he scream?

~Just my two cents

[Marie]

I think this story can do without more explanation and embellishments. You've shown the reader who Mr. Gray is with the number 666 and the horns.


I seem to remember that "Gray" was the name of Pennywise the clown...

[Cody Williams]

Mr. Gray was not the devil. He was named after the serial killer Albert Fish who often was referred to as The Gray Man. Mr. Gray is a modern day Boogyman. He's not the devil, just a demonic monster who wishes he was. I guess this one was a swing and a miss. Thanks for reading Marie!

-CW

[Marie]

Thanks for clearing that up. I saw the number 666 and jumped to conclusions.

[Cody Williams]

A few people had. The 666 was just a reference. As far as the horns go, they are not smooth white horns like the devil has in a lot of drawings, but more like if a cockroach had horns. They were more bug like.

[Michael Stevens]

Thanks a lot! No way will I be able to sleep tonight between the possibility that Mr. Gray will come for me, and the drunk neighbor firing his shot gun at god-knows-what; an excellent tale!

[Cody Williams]

hanks for reading Michael!

-CW

[M. L. Zane]

An interesting premise, but it would do you an incredible justice to really pour on the imagery. Instead of showing us the little details, you simply tell us. Don't say the grey hat was from the 1950's; describe it. Does it have tatters of color and flecks of mysterious stains? How wide is the brim? Is it unnaturally clean, dusty, or strangely out of place with this bizarre figure? It really hurts the tension in what is otherwise a very clever premise, and you really need the imagery to slow down the action a bit. We need buildup, or the scare is not there. It is a mistake I made when writing horror as well, so you are not alone in that. But the key thing is this: slow down, paint the picture, and once we see every gritty, dripping detail, move forward. Oh, and tone down the language in the first part. There's really no reason to say "damn" or "hell, he hadn't slept in" with an omnipresent narrator, since the purpose of non character narration is to remain neutral and disconnected from the story. Oh, and give this Mr. Gray some unusual facial or hand features. Easiest way to scare the s**t out of people is creepy mouths, eyes, or hands (or a lack of one of the above). Just look at Slenderman.

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for reading!

-CW

[M. L. Zane]

It's the least I can do. What's the point of posting your work if no one reads or responds to it? We all have the same goal here. Paying it forward is good.