"Trick Or Treat"

"Trick Or Treat"

A Story by Cody Williams
"

When asked Trick Or Treat, Mr. Wrigley unwillingly chose trick.

"

“Trick Or Treat”

By Cody Williams

 

            Old man Wrigley sat down in his red leather Lazy Boy recliner and pulled back the brown wooden leaver on the right side of the chair to prop up his feet. He reached over and grabbed his Budweiser beer from the table beside of the chair and took a drink. Wrigley lived alone. His wife died when he was in his forty’s which spiraled him into a deep depression. He is now 77 years old and is short and chubby. He is bald at the top of his head and has white hairs on the edge of it. He was wearing his usual. A sleeveless white stained tank top and his usual pair of white and blue stained boxers.

            The night was what he considered to be one of the worst nights of the year only second to Valentines Day. It was Halloween. He hated children thus hating Halloween. He only kept one light on (the small lamp in the corner of the living room) in the house trying to avoid as many trick or theaters as possible. Wrigley reached back over to the table grabbing the television remote. He pushed the POWER button and began to change the channels until finally reaching Chiller to watch his favorite Halloween series. He placed the remote back down on the side table and took another sip of beer.

            “Trick or treat!” two children screamed from his front porch while ringing the doorbell. Wrigley quickly let his feet down and placed his beer bottle on the side table. He sprinted across the living room turning off the lamp and the TV. He stood there in complete silence for a moment waiting for the children to go away. The two children rang the doorbell once more.

            “Trick or treat!” the two kids said again. Mr. Wrigley looked over at the door and could still see their shadows peaking through the bottom of it. He slowly and quietly walked over to the window with blinds in front of it on the end of the porch. He placed his middle and index finger on them and separated two of them. He looked out towards where the porch was located and looked at the two children. One was wrapped in only what he could describe as toilet paper to look like a mummy while the other one was dressed as a wear wolf.

            He continued staring at the children for a moment more. It looked as if the children were having a conversation amongst themselves.

            “Why won’t they just f*****g go away?” Mr. Wrigley said still staring at them. As if the little mummy boy heard him he turned his head and the glowing red eyes looked into the eyes of the old man. Old man Wrigley leaped back from the window and grabbed his chest where his heat was located with true terror. Breathing heavily he stood still to catch his breath for a moment before walking back to the window and peaking out of the blinds. There were no children to be seen. Mr. Wrigley let out a deep sigh of relief and walked back over to his recliner. He plopped down into it and rubbed the beads of sweat that were running down his face off of him.

            “It must have just been my imagination. Yes that’s it! Just my imagination!” He said to himself hoping that he was right. But the truth is that he knew that it wasn’t just his imagination. He knew what he saw. He looked into the eyes of the Devi’s advocate.

            He pulled the leaver again once more propping his feet up. He grabbed his beer bottle again and drank the last sip of beer out of it and let it fall to the floor. He grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. The TV began to get snowy until completely loosing signal.

            “What the f**k?” He said as he let his feet back down, stood back up, and walked over to the TV set. He began hitting the top of the TV in hopes that the picture would come back on. “Come on you stupid piece of s**t!” He screamed as he beat his fist on the tip of the television. It began to flicker from a snowy background to a completely black background. Every time the TV began going black the two children would show up on the screen. Mr. Wrigley leaped back again in fear. The two children turned their heads and looked back at him with their glowing red eyes before the TV began to get snowy again. His breathing began to get heavier and heavier until he heard the doorbell ring again. He looked over at the door and saw the two shadows peaking through the door again.

            “Trick or treat!” The sound of now a group of children said. He turned the TV back off and walked over to the window and peaked out of the blinds again. This time instead of two, there were ten children on his front porch. There was a girl dress as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, a boy dresses as a vampire, a boy dressed as the devil, a girl dressed as a witch, a boy dressed as Bat Man, a girl dressed as Wonder Woman, A boy dressed as the Jig Saw, a boy dressed as Jason, and the same two children that were dressed as a wear wolf and a mummy leading them.

            “Trick or Treat!” The children said again. “We know that you are in there Mr. Wrigley!” The little mummy boy said. Mr. Wrigley’s heart began to beat faster and faster. Without saying a word each child turned their head to the window and looked the old man in the eyes with their glowing red eyes. They looked different this time. They no longer looked like children, but they looked as if they have been dead for years. Each of their faces was a grayish brown color and they were wrinkly and looked rotten. They now had big noses like that of a witch.

            “Get him!” The little mummy boy said. The old man leaped back and the children began running towards the window. They began smashing their little hands though the glass and began climbing in the window. Old man Wrigley screamed and ran into the kitchen. He leaned up against the refrigerator and took in a deep breath. More children then appeared outside of the window and began smashing their way through.

            “AGGGGHHHH!” The old man screamed again as he ran out of the kitchen and into the living room again to the staircase. He began running up it getting halfway before he realized shadows moving from up stairs. More children began coming down the stairs towards the old man. He ran into the dining room into a closet. He shut the door and locked it. Standing there in complete darkness he let out a deep sigh and reached over and flipped on a light switch. He turned around with his back to the door facing non-other that the little mummy boy.

            “I asked you trick or treat Mr. Wrigley. Unfortunately you chose trick.” The little mummy boy said. Mr. Wrigley screamed and ran out the door and the little mummy boy followed. He began looking around but there was nowhere to run. The evil children had him surrounded.

            “Trick!” The children screamed out.

            “No! No! NOOOOOOO!” Mr. Wrigley cried out as the devilish children began to devour him.

 

Copyright 2013 by Cody Williams

Courtesy of TRUE TERROR PUBLICATIONS

A division of TTP Entertainment

Image by FlamingText.com

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© 2013 Cody Williams


Author's Note

Cody Williams
This story is dedicated to one of my Writer's Café friends Angle.

I was asked some time ago to write a Halloween story. This is the result of that request. This was one of my more challenging stories because of the high expectation that it brought to the table. It is a return to my horror roots and I hope you all enjoy it. I hope that this is not too disappointing.

-CW

My Review

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Featured Review

I once got caught out and had to do a trick.... I had no idea what to do so I went quiet then looked up through my eye lashes, started laughing and shouted boo (I was 5) and I swear, the room screamed and they all jumped out their skin. Ha, funny moment. I got one sweet for that............. .-.

I loved this!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Cody Williams

11 Years Ago

Thanks for reading!

-CW



Reviews

My opinion I think the last half is stronger than the first half. When Mr. Wrigley encounters the first two children, Mummy Boy and Werewolf Kid and gets the 'Red Eyes', rather than have Wrigley return to his previous activity, I think it would be more fitting if things escalate from the point of glowing red eyes till the time the kids chow down on him at the end. While at the door with the first batch of kids, his t.v. set turns on showing the children on the porch and numbers begin to grow. He stands on place staring at the screen and at the number of children now occupying his porch. More bell ringing and more "Trick or Treat" being called out. The man goes crazy swearing at them through the door, till the kids say, "We know you're in there Mr. Wrigley. What will it be, Trick or Treat?" Unresponsive. Frozen in fear till windows begin to b e busted out. Children begin crawling through the broken window frames. Running to the kitchen, then running upstairs when finally ending in a closet with Mummy Boy. Something like. Fun idea you have going here Cody...

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Cody Williams

11 Years Ago

Thanks for the review!

-CW
The biggest thing I am missing here is mood. This just doesn’t have that creepy vibe that comes with a truly great horror story. Mood lives in all places in the story, so I’d like to do a run down of some of the places that could be improved.

Setting: The story takes place in the house of a lonely, rather pathetic, crotchety old man. He sits in his red recliner in his stained boxers with a beer. There’s nothing creepy there. Nothing terribly unsettling. Nothing that makes me think anything is wrong.

Think about places or times when you’ve had the hairs stand up on the back of your neck. Maybe you were in an unfamiliar enviroment. Maybe you were in a familiar one, but something was different. Maybe there was a power outage. Maybe there was a storm (although be carful with this. ‘It was a dark and stormy night’ has been done. A lot.) Think about unsettling surroundings in your life and incorporate them here.

Character: The old man is a crotchety old fart. Again, nothing really creepy there. We get some introduction to his character early, but we really don’t get anything out of him except for a couple of swear words and and screams. Right now he’s very two-dimentional.

Find a way to develop his character farther. Show us the world through his lonely existence. It’s all well and good to tell us he hates kids, but why? Why does he hate Halloween? Why does he sit all alone at home drinking beer in his boxers?

Why doesn’t he fight back?

Conlfict: The old man’s role is to be the victim and nothing more. When the kids break through the window he doesn’t yell or threaten to call the police. When they are chasing him he doesn’t once try to stand his ground and defend himself. He doesn’t do anything besides run away and eventually get eaten by undead kids.

Add some tension to this piece by presenting a struggle. Give the man a fighting chance for his life. Make us think for just a moment that the old man might get out of this alive (and if you develop his character more, the reader will care more about whether he lives or dies).

Language: This is the hard one. I don’t know how to deliver truly haunting prose but there’s a feeling in the spine when it’s on the page.

A good place to start I notice a lot of telling instead of showing

“Wrigley lived alone. His wife died when he was in his forty’s which spiraled him into a deep depression.”

“The night was what he considered to be one of the worst nights of the year only second to Valentines Day. It was Halloween. He hated children thus hating Halloween.”


Show us symptoms of depression. Show him actively hating Halloween. Do it in the creepiest way your mind can dream up. You can tell me he hates Halloween or you can tell me about him hauling his home-made trebuchet onto the front lawn to launch flaming pumpkins at Trick or Treaters while screaming, “I’ve got your treat here you little b******s,” and I get the message you are trying to send and you’ve also got interested in this character.

There are also times you over-describe:

“He placed his middle and index finger on them and separated two of them.”

“Old man Wrigley leaped back from the window and grabbed his chest where his heat was located with true terror.”

Most readers will know how to look through blinds and where the heart is located.

There are also times you try to force emotion into the story. The above sentence is a good example along with:

“The little mummy boy said. Mr. Wrigley’s heart began to beat faster and faster.”

Don’t worry about the old man’s heart. Worry about your reader’s heart. Try to get it moving.

I hope this gives you some ideas on how to move forward with this piece.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Nice idea behind the story. But this first draft is much like your other work - there is much that is over-described, and the flow is stop/start/stop/start. This has the potential to be much more frightening after a rewrite with an eye towards streamlining the flow and cutting out unneeded detail. Again, lots of promise here, and I would like to see the final draft when you get done with it.

If you go back and re-read some of Stephen King's work, such as IT (one of my favorite books, by the way) you'll see what I am aiming at. His writing just rolls right along and makes you completely forget the writer - which is something that I work like hell to accomplish, myself.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Cody Williams

11 Years Ago

Thanks for taking the time to read it!

-CW
This was really fun to read, especially at this time of year. :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Cody Williams

11 Years Ago

Thanks for the review!

-CW
burnhouse

11 Years Ago

No problem. :3
Whew!! This is definitely one to be read in the daylight!!!!
Poor Mr. Wrigley... he brought it on himself, with his selfishness...
Yes, I remember asking for a Halloween story. You certainly did not disappoint me!!!!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Cody Williams

11 Years Ago

Thanks for the review Angel!

-CW
I liked the theme of engaging tech as part of the macabre experience of Halloween. It reminded me of the many times my lap-top went into ' a mind of its own ' experience. Nice write.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Cody Williams

11 Years Ago

Thanks for the review!

-CW
Nice write, that maybe ( my opinion) needs a few more commas. Good job.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Cody Williams

11 Years Ago

Thanks for the review!

-CW
Those evil little sods. Its a cool idea, turning the traditional creep old man in the creepy old house story on its head. Well penned!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Cody Williams

11 Years Ago

Thanks for the review!

-CW
L.Edward

11 Years Ago

Your welcome. Write on brother!
Oh my goodness! This had me on the edge of my chair as I kept reading this. It would have been easier for him to give them a treat right from the start. Shows what being a miserable person can do.
Great reading. Enjoyed this!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Cody Williams

11 Years Ago

Thanks for the review!

-CW
Yup. That's what happens when you choose "trick" great scary story!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Cody Williams

11 Years Ago

Thanks for the review!

-CW

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Added on October 6, 2013
Last Updated on November 21, 2013
Tags: horror, evil children, halloween, ghost, zombies, Cody Williams

Author

Cody Williams
Cody Williams

Elizabethton, TN



About
I am in my second year at Carson-Newman University in Jefferson City, Tennessee were I major in instrumental music education and minor in English. My passions include playing the trombone/euphonium an.. more..

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