"I Can't Stand What's Happening To Me"

John was always the smart kid in school. But can he deal with a broken heart and the pressures of school?

“I Can’t Stand What’s Happening To Me”

By Cody Williams

 

            What happened that day? One of the biggest tragedies in American history that’s what. The year was 1990. My name is Zack Anderson and I was a freshman in college and was in the marching band. I lived in the Alan B. Johnson Memorial dorm on the fourth floor in the south wing. My roommate was a guy named Drew Reynolds and we later became best friends. Another one of our closest friends was a guy named Jonathan. John was not to coolest cucumber so to speak. In fact he was far from it. He was the youngest guy in the class and was short and skinny. He had short black hair and wore big bug eyeglasses with white tape wrapped around the nose guard. He wore just about the same style of clothes everyday. He wore his typical button up shirt and Steve Urkle style brown pants that were pulled up to his chest and had red suspenders hooked to them.

            I went to high school with John. He was nowhere near the most popular guy but he was a good guy. He never had a bad thing to say about anybody no matter how bad people talked about him. John lived on the same all as us only he had no roommate; he lived in a single room.

John was a nursing major so he constantly had a s**t ton of homework and was studying nearly all the time. He was a smart guy. I mean the guy graduated with a 4.0 GPA and made a 36 on the ACT on three different occasions because they always accused him a cheating. On top of all the studying, John was a minor in music and had to practice his trumpet at least two hours a day and at least an hour a day on piano for his group piano class.

The day started off like any other day. I left the room after carefully doing my hair and walked to class. As I reached the end of the hallway, John stepped out of his room and closed the door. I stood at the end of the hall as I figured he could use someone to walk to class with.

“Hey Johnny!” I said to him as he approached the end of the hallway.

“Hello.” He said as if he was surprised to see me.

“Mind if I walk to class with you?” I asked him.

“Umm, sure!” He said as he leaned back looking shocked. I smiled at him and we turned around to walk down the stairs and out of the building.

“So, what’s been going on with you John?” I asked him. I know I said he was one of my closest friends, and he was. John has been really distant ever since prom when the love of his life Casey broke his heart in front of the entire class on the dance floor. In fact there were many changes I saw in him. He didn’t smile as much as he used to. It was as if he somewhere down the line lost his smile.

I have also noticed a change in his behavior. John no longer seemed like the nice guy I knew and grown to love, but now he seemed like a very angry and bitter young man. Whenever we called him and asked him to come over to hang out, he said that he was busy. Changes in his appearance also followed. John began dressing all in black.

“So John, are you looking at any fine college chicks?” I asked him.

“No!” He said quickly.

“Come on! None at all?” I asked him again in disbelief.

“Well…Nah, nobody.” He said again.

“No wait, who were you going to say?” I asked him with a smirk on my face.

“Well, her name is Rachel.” He replied. Rachel was a clarinet player in the band and was also a nursing major. This was no secret to me. I have seen him staring at her during band rehearsal and how nervous he would act whenever she got near him.

“I can hook you up with her man, if you want me to.” I said turning to him. John then grabbed my arm and pulled me aside.

“No! You can’t tell anyone!” He said to me quietly.

“Well, you at least have to talk to her.” I told him.

“No! She can never know!” He told me.

“Why?” I asked him with curiosity.

“Because, nothing can ever happen.” He said intensely.

“Why?” I asked him.

“Shhhh. It just can’t!” He said to me as he turned away from me and quickly walked away. I found the behavior very strange, but didn’t read too much into, as his behavior was always strange now.

The rest of the day was pretty normal. When we finally got a break for lunch, I decided that I should make it up to John and apologize for anything that I might have done wrong. I saw him sitting alone in the corner of the cafeteria and I walked over and sat beside of him. He had his head buried in his arms.

“Hey man what’s up?” I asked him. He lifted up his head and revealed his tear filled eyes. “What’s wrong John?” I asked him with concern. I sat down next to him ready to listen.

“I just can’t man, I just can’t!” He said stuttering.

“You can’t what? What can’t you do?” I asked him.

“I just can’t deal with it anymore!” He said.

“What can’t you deal with?” I asked him.

“I…I…I can’t deal with the pressure. I can’t deal with the homework! I can’t deal with the practicing. And now Rachel hates me.” He said as he was beginning to laugh hysterically.

“Why would Rachel hate you?” I asked him.

“Because, I lost it! She asked me if I wanted to go out and I screamed at her.” John told me.

“Look man, it will be okay.” I assured him. “Here’s what you need to do, you need to go to the dorm and lay down and take a nap. Don’t study, don’t practice, and don’t do anything. Just relax okay?” I said to him. He whipped the tears off of his face and nodded. He stood up from the table and walked out of the dining room. That was the last time I saw him that day.

That night around three o’clock in the morning I got a phone call from him. I woke up startled and looked over to the nightstand and looked at the screen. The screen read INCOMING CALL FROM JOHN. I grabbed the phone and pushed the TALK button.

“Hey man what’s up? It’s three o’clock in the morning.” I said to him.

“I can’t do this anymore man! I just can’t do it.” He said on the other side of the line. He was once again laughing and crying hysterically.

“What are you talking about man?” I asked him as I sat up in bed.

“I can’t! I can’t stand what’s happening to me!” He screamed as the line went dead. The next thing I heard was a gun shot three doors down.

 

I never understood what made him loose it until now. Some people just can’t handle the pressure. I guess the nervous break down was just the final straw. So the worst tragedy in history? Okay, maybe that’s a bit of a stretch, but it was defiantly the worst tragedy of my lifetime.

So what happed that day you ask? I lost a fantastic friend. I still have nightmares at night about the incident. I still wake up screaming every night from the thought of the event. I can’t help but think maybe I could have done something different. That I could have helped him some way. Now I know how he must have felt. Like a failure. Now I can’t stand what’s happening to me.

 

Copyright 2013 by Cody Williams

Courtesy of TRUE TERROR PUBLICATIONS

A division of TTP Entertainment

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Author's Note

The idea for this story came to me a while ago and I just now got to it. Leave me a comment and tell me what you think.

Reviews

[Susan McCaskill]

It has good bones, but I think you need to flesh it out a little more. Tell us more about John (should be "Jon" as his name is Jonathan.
What makes him tick? Tell a little more about why he can't go out with Rachael. It's fine to leave people guessing, but not too much, or they get frustrated and either stop reading, or they won't read anything else you write.
Good start, though.

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for the review!

-CW

[Marie]

Poor John. Too much pressure...at lest he shot himself and no one else...although it's still a tragedy.

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for stopping by Marie!

-CW

[Angel]

So, you're on a suicide kick, are you?
This one needs a bit of fleshing out. I totally get that the failure with Casey totally messed Jonathan up...he wasn't the same after that, you made that very clear.
But then, we have Rachel. Why can't he have a relationship with Rachel? She is obviously interested. Is Jonathan afraid of being hurt again?
Perhaps he was bullied in high school...he sounds like the type of kid that would be a target for bullies. And perhaps that messed with his confidence...
You got me with this one. The whole time, I figured he was going to go crazy and start shooting up the school... I expected this to be the inside picture of a famous...or should I say, infamous...school shooting, like Columbine. For the people involved, that was the worst day in history...

While I like the idea, I have to be honest, Cody...this isn't up to your best. Good...but not Cody-good.

Still love me??

[Cody Williams]

I realize that. This is nowhere near my best. I was told to try to write in first person and I guess I still need a bit of practice at it. I'll have some better one up soon including your halloween story.

Thanks for the kindness Angle and for your honesty. No hard feelings at all!

-CW

[Angel]

You are a fantastic horror writer, Luv...and you know I am a fan.
I am planning two more contests...one for my birthday coming up in October, and another for the best Halloween story...
I know you'll have something mind-blowing for me!!

[A. H. Pinley]

John was a nursing major so he constantly had a s**t ton (load, pile) of homework?
corner of the cafeteria and I walked over and sat beside him.
I lost a friend to suicide. I did not sleep for three days. The pain of losing a friend has subsided, but the memory still remains of a guy that I thought I knew. Nice work on the dialogue!

[Cody Williams]

Thanks so much for the review!

-CW