"The Lost Empire I: The Twister"

"The Twister" is the first installment of The Lost Empire series written by Cody Williams

“The Twister: A Lost Empire Story”

By Cody Williams

 

1

            James Thomas sat up from his bed and placed his bare feet on the floor. He pushed himself out of bed forcing him to sit up. He placed his hands over his faced and rubbed it. James walked over to the rocking chair across from the bed where his clothes were hanging ready for him to put them on.

            He grabbed a long sleeved white shirt and slipped it over his torso. Then he grabbed his silver metal armor and slipped the top over his torso and then the bottoms over his legs. James sat back down on the bed and bent over grabbing his leather boots. He placed them on his feet and stood back up from the bed.

            James walked back over to the rocking chair and grabbed a long black leather belt. He placed the belt around his waist and buckled it. He then walked over to the wooden shelf on the other side of the room and reached on top of it grabbing a sword. He slit the sword into the right side of his baldric and a small dagger on the left side of him.

            He picked up his metal had and placed it on his head. He walked over to the doorway and walked out of the room. He continued walking through the living room.

            “Goodbye Mom!” James said to his mother as he gave her a kiss on the cheek. James was a single man. His mother has been sick for quite sometime so she moved in with him so that he could keep an eye on her.

            “Goodbye James, have a nice day!” His mother said having at him. He smiled and walked out of the of the house. The truth is, at first he was kind of unsure how he felt about his mother moving in with him. However, he has grown to like it. Now he has someone to care for him and fix him dinner twenty four seven.

            Little Jimmy, James’ son, ran up to him before he could leave the yard. Little Jimmy’s mom ran out on the family years ago. I suppose that is another reason he likes his mom living with him, so she can take care of Little Jimmy while he was on the force. He knelt down as Little Jimmy ran into his arms. Little Jimmy was only three years old. He was short and had short blonde hair.

            “Daddy” Little Jimmy yelled out with joy as he embraced James. “I love you daddy!” Little Jimmy told his father.

            “I love you too son! Now you be a good boy and take care of grandma while I’m gone okay!” James said to his son. Little Jimmy nodded his head and hugged James once more. James knelt down again placing his son on the ground. “Now that’s a good boy!” James said standing back up. “Now go back inside and be with grandma!” He said to Little Jimmy. Little Jimmy turned around to face the house and ran inside. James continued to walk the red dirt road to the castle of the King.

            As he walked along the red dirt road nearly every man, woman, and child came to greet him. James was known to be the hero in town after nearly dying in a sword fight in order to save the life of his brother Harold. James didn’t like the attention that much. He didn’t see himself as a hero nor did he want to be. He just wanted to be James. He just wanted to be known as another average guy on the force.

 

2

After he passed the village he began walking up the red clay dirt hill leading to the castle. After he reached the top of the hill he walked straight towards the castle.

            “Halt! Who goes there?” The two guards said in unison as the crossed their swords not allowing him to enter the castle. He took off his metal helmet in respect.

            “James Thomas good sirs!” James replied the guards. The guards removed their swords from in front of him and gave him a nod allowing him to enter the castle. He walked straight down the red carpet leading to the golden throne.

            “Ahhh, Mr. Thomas!” King Adams said in a greeting tone.

            “You wanted to see me your honor?” James asked the King respectfully.

            “Yes sir! I have a mission for you and you alone.” King Adams informed James. “My daughter, Samantha, has gone missing a few days ago, and I need you to go looking for her to bring her back home!” King Adams said to James. “If you accept this quest, I vow, you will receive anything you want!” King Adams said to him.

            “Anything?” James asked King Adams. King Adams nodded as he pointed towards the door. James nodded accepting the challenge and turned around walking back down the isle and out of the castle.

            James took in a breath of fresh air. He began walking back down the long red dirt road trail until stumbling upon a rag doll that used to belong to Princes Samantha. It was at the beginning of another path leading into the woods of the lost. James gulped and began walking the trail towards the forest. The wind began to blow quite hard.

            James looked up at the sky and noticed a distinct difference. The sky was not lit dark gray and lightning bolds filled the sky. He began walking towards the forest faster hoping to find shelter under some trees. He noticed how the leaves began to circle around in a funnel. He noticed that up in the sky was the formation of a funnel cloud. He began walking faster again trying to reach the forest when the funnel cloud touched down behind him.

            James began running as fast as he could, but it was not fast enough to out run the twister. James got sucked into the funnel cloud and blacked out.

 

3

            James opened his eyes looking into the blinding sun. He sad up from the cracked ground and began looking around. He was in the middle of a deserted desert.

            “S**t! Where the hell am I?” James said to himself. Now not only is the quest to find Samantha underway, so is the quest to return home. The quest for the lost empire has begun.

 

Copyright 2013 by Cody Williams

Courtesy of The Enchanted Press

A Division of TTP Entertainment

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Author's Note

This is one that I have written several years ago so I realize that it is not quite up to par. I just found it and it was meant to be the first installment of The Lost Empire. For my friends who don't like my horror stories, I encourage you to read this. If you do like my horror stories, read it anyway. It is the kickoff of an epic fantasy series.

Reviews

[TL Boehm]

I think - if you take this and edit it for the little things - the scene where the sky is gray - that line - lightning bolds, do you mean bolts - little tweaks - you can do them now or when you're done with the first draft. Up to you.
Its an interesting concept - Baum did quite well with it back in the day - the twister convention - but the thing that perked my ears was - it seems to be set in some feudal society yet the protag reminds me of a modern day cop. found that juxtaposition very interesting - not sure if you did it on purpose or if it just happened that way.

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for taking the time to read it! The second installment, "The Man In Black," is coming soon!read moreThanks for taking the time to read it! The second installment, "The Man In Black," is coming soon!

-CW

[Dayran]

The transformation from dream to reality is quite cathartic. The image of the twister is a theme that lends itself to such a transport from one to another. In the landing from the twister a person would realize that they have moved into another dimension of experience quite unlike anything earlier. Now ... he's not only the great hero out to save her but he also needs to save himself. Nicely done.

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for the review!

-CW

[Cody Williams]

Thanks so much for the review!

-CW

[Zakk Keller]

I have to say the plot behind this series seems like it could be quite interesting. What is this mysterious twister that seemed to suck up our hero (and possibly the princess?!?!) and why did it do such a thing? I do kind of wish there was some more detail about the reason his mother is living with him and also the reasoning behind why his wife left him. Part of me also wished the conversation between him and the king was a little more in depth and I want to learn more about the king. But all in all I think you did a pretty good job and I'm looking forward to reading more

[Cody Williams]

Thanks so much for the review! A lot of the questions you asked will be answered in later instalments. The second installment "The Man In Black" is coming soon! Stay tuned:)

[eatme]

First paragraph, the hook, to sell me your whole life's work, is him getting up in the morning 3 times.
This is 'business' of writing. If your genre is terror horror violence or battle action, give me so much of that I need to complain. Make me beg for the part where he gets out of bed, because my nerves can't handle more violence.

Generally, 'get out of bed, I love you mom, I washed me hair' is called the Soap Opera. After millions of people have been tricked into loving Harry Potter, they care about that, which is what a soap opera is, the 'days of our lives' of character people care about. New characters can't be cared about because they are new.

Chapter 2: Soap Opera.
Chapter 1: Punish us with a hard core example of your genre in maximum bloody overdrive. If this was Buffy the Vampire Slayer, just massacre some non-plot vampires so we get a taste of the 'good parts'. Like the sex scene in a romance novel. We don't want to search for the good part. It starts line 1 chapter 1.

[Cody Williams]

Once again I feel the need to explain this. This is NOT that great of a writing! I realize that, I really do! This is NOT a horror story! This was written FOUR YEARS AGO! This is a fantasy series and is the first installment of the series. I really do understand that it was not up to par! I am sorry to leave you disappointed! I really am! If it's horror you want, check out ANY of my other stories. If you want the story to grab you by the throat and take you on a roller coster ride please check out ANY of my other stories! I REALLY value your criticism, but I wrote this when I was a freshman in high school.

If it comes off as me being a jerk, please don't take it that way. I really encourage you to check out my other stories which include: "Mortality," "A Letter From Lacy," "The Men In The Basement," The Text Message," "The Ghost Of Jeff Walker," and "The Fog On The Windshield."

These my friend will take you on a thriller of a roller coaster ride. Thanks so much for taking the time to read this "horrible" story! Again, not being a jerk I realize it's horrible.

Take care and have a Great Labor Day weekend!

By the way, please do take the time to read my other stuff and review me on them! I realize that this isn't for everyone!

Thanks again!

-CW

[eatme]

Try not to invest too much in the feedback. If you go all the way, you still have dozens of agents to reject you. Pulitzer Prize for Fiction for John Kennedy Toole was after his suicide. While he was alive, everyone gave him one brutal rejection after another. From what I can see you have your writing fundamentals down, which many don't. You even have an idea. The last stage is the evil reality of storytelling to an audience. How do you sell beer? with bikinis.

I think your writing structurally is good. It can be as simple as 'what does the audience want to see'?

[Cody Williams]

I am not trying to invest too much into the feedback. I really do realize that it's not that good. I just want you to check out some of the other stories I have written before you judge me. Please check them out and comment on them and accept my friend request.

By the way, while I do not agree with you, I do respect that you told what you thought and didn't hold back. I like that.

-CW

[TL Boehm]

You know. Once you're done writing this entire thing, Cody - you may actually decide that the story starts later than what you have here. It may even start with "James took a breath of fresh air ... then the twister. A few years back - I wrote a book here at the cafe called Bethany's Crossing. I had lots of back story about my characters, what they ate, music they listened to, nervous ticks, how they got along with other characters etc - but I started the story - paragraph one - with two snarling creatures on a train track - one of whom gets smeared across an intersection. I wanted to publish the story - and one of the things I heard repeatedly is - set the hook early - especially if your target audience is younger. That's actually sound advice - and you can do it without sacrificing information you want to get to the reader. My thought is - write the whole thing out - then go back and you will see where the natural beginning to the story is. Many writers - MANY - start the story too early - because we are so intimate with our characters and we want our reader to know them as we do - its a thought - totally up to you as writer and creator of your world.

[Angel]

Horror is okay...but for me, fantasy is much better. I loved Piers Anthony's "Magic of Xanth" series, for instance...if you haven't read them you're in for a treat!
This isn't bad for a first draft...but it does need some polishing. There are some typos, but I'm sure you will edit for that... Mostly I'd like to see a bit more character development.
You've got my attention, for sure! I'll be looking forward to future installments!

[Cody Williams]

Thanks a lot for the review! The next installment, "The Man In Black" is coming soon!

-CW

[Douglas White]

The one thing that I find a little confusing is the -tone- of the dialog. What you are describing (a medieval type setting) is in direct contrast with the dialog, which has a modern American feeling to it. This isn't a bad start to your story, but it still needs a little work. Take a little more time describing your setting and getting your character in front of the king, and give a little background to his quest to find the daughter. It feels a little "rushed" otherwise.

For the concept - not a bad idea, getting abducted by a twister. Overall, a good first draft, now just refine it from here.

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for taking the time to read it! It is just a rough first draft. I really wrote it about four years ago and "lost it." I just recently recovered it. As far as the setting and stuff goes...that is explained a little bit later on. It take place in an alternate dimension that is parallel to our world. It is a world where the English language has evolved, but technology has not. The next installment "The Man In Black" is coming soon!

Thanks again!

-CW

[Enid Blake]

I think that you intrigue the reader to look up the next installment, and provide an adequate back catalogue along the way so that we get to know this character. I notice a few typos but having read your authors note, I won't inbox them to you! Have you posted any more installments from 'The Lost Empire' on here?

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for stopping by to read it. To answer your question, no. I don't have any of the other installments up online yet. The next one will probably be "The Man In Black" which will introduce one of the other main characters. "The Man In Black" is coming soon!

Thanks again!

-CW

[Riding the Rainbow]

Really like it but your horror stories are the best..for me, at least;)))

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for the review! I do have some more horror stories coming soon! This is just the first installment of a series called "The Lost Empire"

Thanks again!

-CW

[Sami Khalil]

A very powerful and fanciful story about this hero -type man with a magical sword and dagger. I felt soft emotions about his mom and son . It is unfortunate at the end with the events turning against him...Splendid...:)
I think you have a typo : Char ( chair )...

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for taking the time to read it Sami! We'll have to see if they get reunited! I'll take care of the typo.

Thanks again!

-CW

[Sami Khalil]

OK. You are welcome...:)

[prachi prangya agasti]

nicely described.. i like horror... fantasy...!!!

[Cody Williams]

Thanks for the review! This installment of the story wasn't really horror, but I have no doubt that at least one installment will have some element of horror. I love horror too much to not include it:) The next installment will be called "The Man In Black"

Thanks again!

-CW